Pouting

[sluggers]

First, the problem isn't the player.

The problem is the coaches and the parents. The parents are having trouble reading the "writing on the wall" and you apparently have been unwilling to read it to them.

You have to talk to the parents and say, "I hoped she was going to improve over the winter. She hasn't. Right now, she isn't going to play much. You might want to find another team where she will get playing time. I'll give you your money back."

Now we have a rule in our player agreement that pouting is not tolerated.

That is a silly clause to put into a player agreement. 12YOA kids pout because they are 12YOA.

She's becoming a cancer

That is a pretty ridiculous and callous statement to make about a 12YOA girl. The child (and she is a child) could be experiencing all kinds of problems at school and at home that you are unaware of. Softball is a minor and relatively unimportant part of life for the children on your team.

 

[southpaw coach]

First, the problem isn't the player.

The problem is the coaches and the parents. The parents are having trouble reading the "writing on the wall" and you apparently have been unwilling to read it to them.

You have to talk to the parents and say, "I hoped she was going to improve over the winter. She hasn't. Right now, she isn't going to play much. You might want to find another team where she will get playing time. I'll give you your money back."




That is a silly clause to put into a player agreement. 12YOA kids pout because they are 12YOA.


That is a pretty ridiculous and callous statement to make about a 12YOA girl. The child (and she is a child) could be experiencing all kinds of problems at school and at home that you are unaware of. Believe it or not, softball is a minor and relatively unimportant part of life for the children on your team.

In order:

This is pretty much what I have been thinking when I posed the question. I was looking for a sanity check.

Perhaps, but it was part of our org before I became a coach here. Seems like a good idea though.



Ok obviously I would never say this to a kid or even her parents, but if it suits you I will give you the politically correct "she is disrupting the team".

 

[starsnuffer]

Fair enough. I had a similar situation last fall with my 12u travel team, only it wasn't a "pouter", it was a "complainer". It was one of my assistants kids, so that made it all the more difficult. Basically, this kid would whine about having to practice, whine about taking ground balls, whine about fly balls, whine when she was given the bunt sign, ect. She would "perform" whatever task she was given, so you couldn't say she was insubordinate, but she would take the fun out of the room, and it was contagious. At it's worst, and the peak that really set me into motion, was during one of our tournaments when I was in the dugout, trying to give one of my assistants a go at 3rd base coaching. This kid was basically complaining the whole time in the dugout, and I could see the smiles vanishing on the other players faces as they listened to this kid whine about every little thing. My immediate reaction was to make sure my entire team was on their feet, against the fence cheering to distract them from the negative influence.

After the games, I had a chat with the kids dad. I explained to him exactly what I saw, and asked for his take. He admitted that he noticed this behavior to a degree as well. I asked if he had taken any action, and while he said he'd tried a few things none of them were successful, he was pretty set that this kid would simply grow up and make some poor man (I assume a husband) miserable someday.

So I let the dad know that it couldn't go on, and I drew out a plan over the next few days. First step was to talk to the kid directly, let her know what I saw, the effect it was having on the team, and that it couldn't be allowed to continue. I gave her the benefit of the doubt, and gave her one practice to correct it. She didn't and still complained, so we went to step two of the plan. Step two was to bench her for the next tournament, however she had to dress out, work out, and then be the best cheerleader in the dugout softball has ever seen. If she wanted to play the following week, she'd have to earn it. If she couldn't do this, then she was going to be suspended. Her dad had to swallow his pride and accept this, because he knew I suspended my own daughter a month earlier for making a rude comment to another player on the team.

The girl actually did cheer herself hoarse, and was allowed to play the following week. It was a struggle to keep her positive, but she did a much better job after this. She did not return to tryouts this spring, but I understand her grades are suffering as well, so she probably wouldn't have the GPA I require for participation on my team anyway.

The point is, make a plan, follow the plan, and as long as your plan was sound, you will have a clear path to resolution.

-W

 

[sluggers]

You are confusing being 'political correct' with 'good manners'.

 

[southpaw coach]

Fair enough. I had a similar situation last fall with my 12u travel team, only it wasn't a "pouter", it was a "complainer". It was one of my assistants kids, so that made it all the more difficult. Basically, this kid would whine about having to practice, whine about taking ground balls, whine about fly balls, whine when she was given the bunt sign, ect. She would "perform" whatever task she was given, so you couldn't say she was insubordinate, but she would take the fun out of the room, and it was contagious. At it's worst, and the peak that really set me into motion, was during one of our tournaments when I was in the dugout, trying to give one of my assistants a go at 3rd base coaching. This kid was basically complaining the whole time in the dugout, and I could see the smiles vanishing on the other players faces as they listened to this kid whine about every little thing. My immediate reaction was to make sure my entire team was on their feet, against the fence cheering to distract them from the negative influence.

After the games, I had a chat with the kids dad. I explained to him exactly what I saw, and asked for his take. He admitted that he noticed this behavior to a degree as well. I asked if he had taken any action, and while he said he'd tried a few things none of them were successful, he was pretty set that this kid would simply grow up and make some poor man (I assume a husband) miserable someday.

So I let the dad know that it couldn't go on, and I drew out a plan over the next few days. First step was to talk to the kid directly, let her know what I saw, the effect it was having on the team, and that it couldn't be allowed to continue. I gave her the benefit of the doubt, and gave her one practice to correct it. She didn't and still complained, so we went to step two of the plan. Step two was to bench her for the next tournament, however she had to dress out, work out, and then be the best cheerleader in the dugout softball has ever seen. If she wanted to play the following week, she'd have to earn it. If she couldn't do this, then she was going to be suspended. Her dad had to swallow his pride and accept this, because he knew I suspended my own daughter a month earlier for making a rude comment to another player on the team.

The girl actually did cheer herself hoarse, and was allowed to play the following week. It was a struggle to keep her positive, but she did a much better job after this. She did not return to tryouts this spring, but I understand her grades are suffering as well, so she probably wouldn't have the GPA I require for participation on my team anyway.

The point is, make a plan, follow the plan, and as long as your plan was sound, you will have a clear path to resolution.

-W

Good Stuff. Thanks!

 

[PEPPERS]

I saw a girl last year when she was not selected to pitch the championship game in a tournament. She asked the coach why she would not be pitching the game the coach told her, do you want to pitch or do you want to win? She started cussing, stripped to her underwear with her parents encouraging her, she threw the uniform at the coach and left walking to the parking lot in her underwear.

The other pitcher went over to the girl and the parents and told them she was sorry and the parents were very rude to the kid, and refused to hug her goodby. Complete lack of character by this player and parents.

 

[chinamigarden]

I saw a girl last year when she was not selected to pitch the championship game in a tournament. She asked the coach why she would not be pitching the game the coach told her, do you want to pitch or do you want to win? She started cussing, stripped to her underwear with her parents encouraging her, she threw the uniform at the coach and left walking to the parking lot in her underwear.

The other pitcher went over to the girl and the parents and told them she was sorry and the parents were very rude to the kid, and refused to hug her goodby. Complete lack of character by this player and parents.

Lack of character in the coach too. It may have been what he was thinking, but no way he should have said that to a kid.

 

[chinamigarden]

Have you had a real talk with this girl. I mean beyond the are you having fun, or whats the matter... Have you sat down with her in the dugout when no other kids are nearby and said something like. "it seems like when things don't go your way you withdraw and seem to be pouting, why is that?" Ask her that same question, reworded 3 times and you will probably get a real answer. You might be surprised by the answer, or you might not be. Maybe she doesn't like softball, but Dad (mom) loves it, maybe she is mad at herself for not being better, maybe she thinks you're a big tool. You won't know for sure, or what to do about it until you know why.

My DD gets down on herself, she has gotten a lot better but she can seem to be pouting about being pulled from a game, but what she is upset about is that she needed to be pulled. Most kids know when they aren't performing, and some take it harder then others. My DD once pitched a 4 inning 10u no hitter. 12 Ks, not a single ball hit fair. After the game she was livid with herself because she played bad. How did you play bad you pitched great? "well that's all I did good, I didn't get any hits and I left 2 girls on 3rd base". If you saw her you would think she was a spoiled brat who didn't get her way, when in reality she is a perfectionist who did not live up to her own high standard. Ask this girl some questions, pry, find out.

11-14 are tough years on a girl, they can be really tough on coaches too. If she has been a good teammate before, its still in her to be one again.

 

[sluggers]

What I have done was simply get the girl and the parents together and say, "Hey...here is what I see. Suzy isn't giving a full effort. She also complains a lot. Do you really want to play softball at this level? Maybe you need to take a year off and see if your heart is really in it."

The problem wasn't with the girl, it was her parents. They were dragging her to the practice. So, they let her quit...and Suzy regretted making the decision.

The year after, she played again, and without the attitude.

It wasn't the kid's fault--it was parents who refused to let the child make decisions and suffer the natural consequences of poor decisions. When they did and softball became *HER* choice, she was a different kid.

 

[victor221]

Talk to the parents