Pouting

[southpaw coach]

Could use a little advice about a situation with one of my players. We are a 12u travel team and this kid has been with the team going on her 3rd year. Unfortunately in that time she seems to be going backward. She leads the team in striking out and has been beat out for the starting 1b position by another player.

Add to this she has been going to pitching lessons for almost two years but isn't even close to being a pitcher.

Now we have a rule in our player agreement that pouting is not tolerated. This kid however pouts at every turn. Why? I can only suspect since she won't tell me but she doesn't pitch, doesn't start in the infield, and bats down in the order. As a coach I don't get down on our players and do my best to be encouraging. I can't seem to reach this kid however and I think her mom is compounding the problem. She's becoming a cancer and the season hasn't even started.

What I want to do is part ways. It is early in the season and there is plenty of time for her to get on another team. What bugs me is that she is young and has made very good friends with most of the players on the team.

I am curious to know how others have handled similar situations in the past. Remember this is travel, not rec. Everyone knows playing time and positions must be earned.

 

[D.G. OutLaws 16u]

Parting ways after 3 years together.....tough call there coach. An argument could be made that your the one pouting right now.... I prefer to be proactive so i won't go there. You ask how other coaches handle this....heres my take.

Kicking her to the side of the road shouldn't happen for a 12u dedicated player that hasn't elivated her talents at the same pace as most her age, thats what good coachings all about! Almost every team has a kid or two like her at every age level, rec or tb. If work ethic,talent, passion and smarts don't grow, these kids tend to weed themselves out. They're smart enough to know thier spot on the talent totem pole.
Your decision to put her on YOUR roster was for a reason, knowing upfront her immature emotional tendancies. You owe her and her family a chance. This kids 'want' and 'passion' are sinking fast. Talk with the parents and get them up to speed on whats really happening....and the choices you have to make as thier leader. Let them know exactly why!! Obviously she needs extra work on the side with her complete game. Offer the parents direction for this help. Guide them through the roadmap and goals she needs to aquire. If she has hope(like i said is sinking fast), enthusiasm and joy will drive her to have the work ethic needed. This will also(in most cases) strengthen her emotionally.
She's going through tremendous change physically and mentally(not all kids are wired the same).......as a 12u coach isn't guiding them through this period part of your duty?

 

[southpaw coach]

.......as a 12u coach isn't guiding them through this period part of your duty?

I agree that is part of my duty and it's one I take seriously. I work very hard to try and help every player be successful with the team. That's why I'm soliciting some guidance because I'm kind of stuck on how to resolve this situation. I have spoken to the parents and to my face they say all the right things. I ask both the player and the parents if she's having fun and if she really wants to play softball and they insist that she is and she does. Her performance says otherwise however.

Understand too that she was re-rostered last August. This problem manifested in during fall ball (October) and has gotten progressively worse through the winter (we play a lot of indoor ball here). Now we're really gearing up for the spring / summer season.

 

[FPMark]

This is what makes coaching TB teams tough. It sounds like you have a typical girl who wants to play with her friends instead of excell at softball. She more than likely had no problem keeping up with them early on and enjoyed being a part of the team because of being one of the girls. Does she work on developing skills outside of practice, or just cruise through practice at the same skill level for the past 3 years? Does she work on pitching every day to get better, or just go to lessons once a week? It sounds like she is getting passed by players more serious about improving while she just tries to keep up.

Girls are emotional. When she finds herself sitting on the bench, she may feel inferior to her friends and is afraid of being left out. This can lead to the pouting you described. The problem is that this is a self fulfilling situation. Only she can change it. It sounds like you are about to cut her from the team, and this is what she is afraid of. This is why so many girls quit around this age. They just don't enjoy it anymore.

The only thing you can do is try to encourage her to work harder to regain her starting position. If she does, she will feel better about herself and the pouting will go away. If she doesn't, maybe a change of scenery, and teams, will do her good by making her realize that positions have to be earned through hard work. If she doesn't want to work hard, it may be time to go back to rec, or quit.

There is nothing better than seeing a girl turn around from the situation you describe. Offer to help her with extra individual practice, and show her how to improve to the level you need. It's worth the effort.

 

[D.G. OutLaws 16u]

southpaw....I had/have issues with a player or two....or three which seems to be a constant. I think we both share the joys and struggles coaching brings Forums like this certainly help when we start scratching our heads wondering how can I fix this. Recently I started a thread...

http://www.discussfastpitch.com/coa...ss-practice-reactions-vanish-competition.html

Ken Krause offered some much needed help to me......its good advice for your gametime hitting issues..... check it out

 

[starsnuffer]

First off, recognize that the pouting happens because you've allowed it to happen for the last 3 years. You may "have a rule", but because that rule is not enforced, it isn't really a rule, which begs the question on which other rules the team thinks "really aren't rules".

Second, you need to figure out what level of travel ball your team is participating at. IF the only team in your organization is this 12u team, then you're beholden to support this girl and do everything you can to help her out. Talk to her parents and outline a road map to her success. Make sure there are milestones along the way with significant rewards and penalties tied to them. Don't consider these "threats", but simply consequences. Benching, suspension, and probation are fine, but make sure there are adequate positive rewards if she achieves the milestones that you set out. Don't take a negative approach, but be clear on the consequences.

If you're part of a high level organization with teams and coaches spanning the age brackets, then you no doubt have plenty of other girls lined up to take this ones spot, and thus you have to take their needs into consideration as well, and the needs of the coach in the next bracket after you.

-W

 

[SoftSocDad]

I hope you don't choose to take the easy way out. In my opinion, and not knowing the entirety of your situation, this would be the wrong message to send to your team at this age. In life, the strong tend to thrive, it's true. But isn't it a sign of greater strength to help those who are having struggles rather than abandoning them?

If, however, she demonstrates that she's no longer committed to the team, the team's goals, or any personal goals in softball, then yes, it would be time to part ways. But if a kid is attending pitching lessons regularly and is attending all team functions, I don't think that's what she is showing to you.

She's likely going through major hormonal changes right now, so the behaviors you've seen for the past couple of years are quite likely to be intensified.

If you didn't care, I don't think you would've asked the question, but I hope you'll take this opportunity to potentially help this girl become a winner wherever she goes in life beyond 12u softball.

 

[southpaw coach]

"First off, recognize that the pouting happens because you've allowed it to happen for the last 3 years. You may "have a rule", but because that rule is not enforced, it isn't really a rule, which begs the question on which other rules the team thinks "really aren't rules"."

Starsnuffer, you've gone off the reservation on me. Where did I say I've allowed this to happen the past three years? Had it been a problem last year she would not have been invited back.

 

[starsnuffer]

You didn't say that it didn't happen the past three years either, only that the kid "pouts at every turn", so I apologize for making the assumption. The rest of my post still applies though, and should give you a path that resolves the situation either by changing her attitude or providing a graceful exodus if she does not meet your expectations.

-W

 

[southpaw coach]

Well I did say that the problem manifested last fall. Regardless, lets quit talking in theory for a moment. Tell me about a player you had a similar problem with and what you did to resolve it. Feel free to change names to protect the innocent.