playing time on a competitive team

[MsDinosaur]

i let her go on that team because that was what she wanted. it was the best team in the area with the supposedly best head coach. but when your kid is treated unfairly by coaches that dont care about 12/13yo girls and dont give them a chance its tough to swallow.

we have a tournament tomorrow. i guess i'll see what happens.

It probably is the best team in the area, but it's definitely not the best team for your daughter. IMO she hasn't been treated unfairly; her commitment level simply doesn't match with what's required for that team. She needs a developmental team (B, C or rec), not a high-level A team that's geared toward Nationals.

If, when she had made the team, she had relegated everything else to second place so that she wouldn't miss practices or games and had begun to take individual lessons and practice on her own, she might be a valued and productive member of that team now. That's what was needed at that level.

There's nothing wrong with deciding that's not for her, but you cannot expect her to fit in on a team full of kids who live and breathe softball if a birthday party, soccer, etc. comes first.

My DD made it onto a 10U B team and I felt bad that she had a soccer commitment and missed a few practices for soccer games--even though she only made it to 3 of 8 soccer games because she put softball first when games conflicted, lol. She's out of soccer for good now. She hasn't signed up for summer tennis and has decided to give up Tae Kwon Do. Her decision. When she goes up to 12U in the fall, her sport will be softball and barring a school function or family tragedy, she won't miss a minute of any practices or games. She decided that she loves softball over everything else.

If a kid loves the sport, they don't mind the work, but if they don't, then it's cruel to put them in a situation where they need to work their rear end off to succeed. You now know a lot more about what she needs in a softball team and can guide her to a better spot next season.

 

[chucky]

I don't think anyone here really knows how it is to see your kid on the bench by themselves inning after inning; game after game. It's terrible. At 12u is it really so wrong to expect coaches to give a damn? This isn't college ball. I don't think we've done anything to really deserve being treated so terribly.

This weekend wasn't much different. On Saturday plays LF every other inning. Bats 8th. No hits in 3 games but good at bats. She ripped one but right at the left fielder. Parents were telling me how it was a shot and if the left fielder wasn't there it'd still be going.

First game of the day Sunday. Doesn't start again. The team was ahead 8-0 in the bot of the 3rd. Bases loaded. Coach gets my DD in to pinch hit. She hits a grand slam and ends the game on a 12-0 mercy. After that hit I'm thinking she'll get some playing time now. Wrong.

2nd game. Semifinals. She doesn't start in the field and she bats 8th. She doesn't get a hit this game. The umpire was giving outside off the plate. She doesn't see the field at all. Still only 10 players on the team. Nobody else sits except my dd. The coaches arent even talking to my dd during these games she's on the bench. she's just sitting there. all alone.

3rd game. Finals. Surprise. Still not starting. Pinch runs in the 3rd and scores on a wild pitch. Then gets pulled before the next inning to re-enter the girls she pinch ran for. Doesn't see the field at all or get an at bat. Nobody else sat the whole sunday.

Does that sound like adequate play time? For 3 games on sunday my dd sat on the bench again. Even after hitting a grand slam.

I'm talking to another coach now who said he would guarantee she'd be a starter and #4 hitter on his team. My DD doesn't really want to go, but if she can be the #4 batter and start, how can I say no? They aren't going to nationals either so at least we can have a summer.

 

[SoCalSoftballdad]

Unfortunately, she set the tone from the beginning of the season with her lack of commitment to the team and her below average level of play (from your original posts, e.g. she won't bunt, she won't dive for balls, she misses practices for bday parties, etc.) and now it is hard to shake that reputation even if she has some success now. You and she may have burned your bridges with this team and now she is sitting on the bench. In general, if coaches feel players give it 100% effort, have a great attitude, and add value to the team's success, they will get playing time. I think the writing is on the wall.

 

[CoachKevin]

"I'm talking to another coach now who said he would guarantee she'd be a starter and #4 hitter on his team. My DD doesn't really want to go, but if she can be the #4 batter and start, how can I say no? They aren't going to nationals either so at least we can have a summer."

Yup, grass is always greener.

 

[absdad]

At 12u is it really so wrong to expect coaches to give a damn? This isn't college ball.

Depends on the level of 12u. I assume this is an "A" team? Or do you even know??

Sounds like your daughter would be *MUCH* happier on a Rec, or C team. From what you describe, B and A level teams are too much commitment for her, and for you.

I'll agree with you, that your coach has made some mistakes. They probably shouldn't have taken your daughter, in the first place, had they adequately evaluated her based on her skills (from what you've mentioned).

But they are also keeping her on the team.. which from what you describe, is not benefiting your daughter, you, the coach, or the team.

I think you and your daughter would be much happier on a Rec team (if you just want to play one or two games a week for a short season), or C team (if you really want to play in tournaments).

 

[SamG]

I don't think anyone here really knows how it is to see your kid on the bench by themselves inning after inning; game after game. It's terrible.

You're right and wrong. You're right that it's terrible. You're wrong about no one seeing their kid on the bench. I've been there. It eats at you. I get it. But there's nothing "fair" about playing time when it comes to TB. If you want "equal" time on the field, find a rec league or start your own team.

 

[Lozza]

I don't think anyone here really knows how it is to see your kid on the bench by themselves inning after inning; game after game.

Chucky my I was that 12 year old. I know exactly how it feels. Except I was the one who worked harder than everyone else, who never missed practice or games and was the best player on the team. I was also playing the same position as the coach's daughter's best friend who was a prodigy apparently at first. Couldn't catch the ball but we kept getting told how good she was going to be.

Put yourself in the other parents shoes for a minute. You are paying for lessons for your daughter. She is at you every day to go out and practice. She's up ready to go to the game before you even wake up. She makes the top travel side in the region. And there's one girl, while a decent player who puts in no outside effort, won't bunt and refuses to put the extra effort in to make that hard catch. She even missed a tournament, forcing you to bring in guests, for a birthday party! Now she's on the bench for the slacker!

That parent has every reason to tell their daughter 'life isn't fair'. You don't. You have the perfect opportunity to teach your daughter that effort brings results.

I don't see you taking this advice. So go join that other team. If they're a decent team who wants to win, it won't be long before you're back here with the same problem.

 

[utgrad92]

My girl plays every inning, and bats #2. I first read this post because we are starting to have rumblings from parents about playing time on our team and wanted to see what some of the posters had to say. I see your point, and no, I do not think you are a "troll", but just a concerned parent. I think some of the responses on this post were out of line, and are from parents that have lost a little perspective on life, and replaced it with sports... and that's unfortunate. If you are one of those posters, and that comment just got you thinking of a response to write...then you are one of them. Just because it is competitive sports does not mean that you leave the compassion for your child at the gate. Yes, it is about winning, but not at the expense of a child. It's all fun, until you start getting into a slump, or start to lose. Now, when your daughter does play, she is in the OF and bats 8th. That says to me that she may not hit as well As you may think (think consistency, not power), and given her size, she may not be very mobile. I agree that your DD needs to look for another team where she at least has a true "opportunity". I think a fresh start is in order. A place without preconceived notions that your current coaches have. Wouldn't it be great to see that former team in a tourney and have an "opportunity" to kick them in the teeth? Good luck.

 

[BrianMonk]

I'm talking to another coach now who said he would guarantee she'd be a starter and #4 hitter on his team. My DD doesn't really want to go, but if she can be the #4 batter and start, how can I say no?

LOL - Very good.