Daughter is struggling with confidence. She has been a very succesful pitcher. She is worried about pleasing parents and coaches. Also a lot of high expectations. We have expected her to dominate every game and when she hasn't we have been too hard on her. Any advice? Any books? We have know realize it needs to be fun. She has had a couple games recently were she was cruising along just fine and lost it for an inning or two. She is 13 years old.
Pitching with confidence
- Thread starter TNdad
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I don't think your DD needs a confidence adjustment. I think her parents need to lighten up and not have such high expectations of her. Its one thing to expect her to do her best,, but to dominate? Sometimes the other kids just hit the ball, sometimes a 13 year old will walk some batters. Its been known to happen. But to come down on her for not dominating, its not her problem.
The only thing she needs is for you to learn the 3 Ls. Leftfield, Lawnchair, Lemonade. If you follow those 3 principles, it will go much easier for her.
The only thing she needs is for you to learn the 3 Ls. Leftfield, Lawnchair, Lemonade. If you follow those 3 principles, it will go much easier for her.
I like your 3 Ls. I will take this to heart.
When we started tb last year I was a terrible parent that coached from beside the dugout. I'm not proud of this but I occasionally pulled daughter out of dugout to coach. I have since learned the error of my ways(especially after being asked to help coach and experiencing the other side of the coin). No more coaching, except at home. Now I really don't say much, usually because I am videoing dd. Of course if we sit in Left field I won"t get that great side shot. Oh well I do enjoy lemonade!
When we started tb last year I was a terrible parent that coached from beside the dugout. I'm not proud of this but I occasionally pulled daughter out of dugout to coach. I have since learned the error of my ways(especially after being asked to help coach and experiencing the other side of the coin). No more coaching, except at home. Now I really don't say much, usually because I am videoing dd. Of course if we sit in Left field I won"t get that great side shot. Oh well I do enjoy lemonade!
Do not mention softball to her, unless she brings it up. In the mean time, you might tell her that you are sorry that you pressured her and it will stop. She is old enough to decide if she wants to play and if she is playing for herself or you.
Good luck.
Good luck.
Try reading 'The Mental Keys to Hitting' a lot from this book can be applied to pitching. Expectations are the worst things we can place on them. All the DDs can do is throw one pitch at a time so that is all they should think about in the circle, 1 pitch at a time. In another thread a parent posted great advice, sit in the stands where she can see you. Sit there and look calm and confident even if you are ready to tear your hair out.
halskinner
Banned
- May 7, 2008
- 2,649
- 0
This is chapter 25 of my book. Hope it helps.
'CRUD' HAPPENS
Let's say you take your bicycle out and start riding down the street. All of a sudden you run over something you didn't see coming. You turn your head around, look behind you and see that you just went through some dog's business card.
Do you keep looking behind you and focus on what you just ran over, or do you turn your head back and point it forward, so you don't go through more of the same?
In that respect, pitching is like riding a bicycle. Anyone that rides a bike, while they are looking backwards, will run into all kinds of crud. It's bound to happen.
A pitcher makes a throw they felt was a strike, however, the umpire calls it a ball. The pitcher gets unhappy with the umpire or themselves. Now the pitcher is looking back and thinking about the last pitch, when they should be focusing on the next pitch. The last pitch did not turn out as the pitcher wanted and hoped it would, that pitch was crud.
If you throw a pitch that doesn't work out like you would like it to, FORGET ABOUT IT, it is history and NOTHING is going to change it. The call was made and it cannot be appealed. FORGET ABOUT IT.
Unless you can turn back the hands of time, there is absolutely nothing you can do to change what just happened. Don't think about it, don't worry about it and don't let it affect the rest of your game.
Forget about what just happened and focus on the next throw that you are about to make because you CAN do something about that one. Stay focused on what is ahead, the next pitch, you still have a say in what is ABOUT to happen.
If you dwell on the crud that just happened, that same crud will more than likely cause you to go through more crud and REAL soon. How many times have you seen a pitcher get upset about something and just never recover for the rest of the game, if they even get to finish the rest of the game. That one single pitch, that one single call, takes them completely out of the inning and sometimes the entire game.
With every single pitch you throw, once it is done, it is a new ball game with a new challenge.
Crud happens, it has always happened and will happen again. The best way to avoid running into a lot of it is to keep your focus straight ahead on the future and what is still to come.
When you look ahead you can see your target and chances are you will hit it. The chances of you hitting a target that is behind you are slim to none. The past is over and behind you and the future lies ahead. You cannot focus on the past without turning your back to the future.
Nothing gives the OTHER TEAM more pleasure than to see the opposing pitcher lose her focus and composure. Nothing builds the other team's confidence and aggressiveness like it either. It's a huge advantage and it ALWAYS helps the other team.
If you do focus on the crud that just happened and get upset about it, don't worry. You still might win the Most Valuable Player trophy.
The Most Valuable Player of the OTHER team!
'CRUD' HAPPENS
Let's say you take your bicycle out and start riding down the street. All of a sudden you run over something you didn't see coming. You turn your head around, look behind you and see that you just went through some dog's business card.
Do you keep looking behind you and focus on what you just ran over, or do you turn your head back and point it forward, so you don't go through more of the same?
In that respect, pitching is like riding a bicycle. Anyone that rides a bike, while they are looking backwards, will run into all kinds of crud. It's bound to happen.
A pitcher makes a throw they felt was a strike, however, the umpire calls it a ball. The pitcher gets unhappy with the umpire or themselves. Now the pitcher is looking back and thinking about the last pitch, when they should be focusing on the next pitch. The last pitch did not turn out as the pitcher wanted and hoped it would, that pitch was crud.
If you throw a pitch that doesn't work out like you would like it to, FORGET ABOUT IT, it is history and NOTHING is going to change it. The call was made and it cannot be appealed. FORGET ABOUT IT.
Unless you can turn back the hands of time, there is absolutely nothing you can do to change what just happened. Don't think about it, don't worry about it and don't let it affect the rest of your game.
Forget about what just happened and focus on the next throw that you are about to make because you CAN do something about that one. Stay focused on what is ahead, the next pitch, you still have a say in what is ABOUT to happen.
If you dwell on the crud that just happened, that same crud will more than likely cause you to go through more crud and REAL soon. How many times have you seen a pitcher get upset about something and just never recover for the rest of the game, if they even get to finish the rest of the game. That one single pitch, that one single call, takes them completely out of the inning and sometimes the entire game.
With every single pitch you throw, once it is done, it is a new ball game with a new challenge.
Crud happens, it has always happened and will happen again. The best way to avoid running into a lot of it is to keep your focus straight ahead on the future and what is still to come.
When you look ahead you can see your target and chances are you will hit it. The chances of you hitting a target that is behind you are slim to none. The past is over and behind you and the future lies ahead. You cannot focus on the past without turning your back to the future.
Nothing gives the OTHER TEAM more pleasure than to see the opposing pitcher lose her focus and composure. Nothing builds the other team's confidence and aggressiveness like it either. It's a huge advantage and it ALWAYS helps the other team.
If you do focus on the crud that just happened and get upset about it, don't worry. You still might win the Most Valuable Player trophy.
The Most Valuable Player of the OTHER team!
Sometimes it is hard not to be overly invested in DD's pitching performance and I try to keep cool and find the positive. It has helped me to track her pitches from the side- keeps me busy- then whether she does well or not, when SHE wants to she knows I can go over them with her. But probably the best thing for me to see was this past weekend at USSSA pride vs. bandits game Taryne Mowatt had to be replaced in the 2nd inning cause she could not find the strike zone with her rise ball. Great pitchers have bad days. It stands to reason then that a 13 YO who has been pitching for 2 years (my DD)- will have many ups and downs- it comes with the territory.
In what ways?
"Fun" isn't quite the right word. "Fun" implies that she is out on the mound giggling with every pitch. She has to enjoy the game.
Every pitcher does. The problem is usually the way the parents react. The child doesn't have a clue how she is "supposed" to react. So, she learns how to react from her parents.
Being a parent of a "good" pitcher is not easy. You have to watch the game, and suppress your emotions and reactions--if you don't, your child will respond to your emotions.
On the other hand, if you as a parent don't point out what your DD did wrong, then you are not helping her. It is a very fine line to walk. You have to be analytic about it, not abusive.
- Nov 29, 2009
- 2,975
- 83
The hardest thing with younger kids is to make them understand the difference between parenting and coaching. If you can get a young player to understand the difference you're miles ahead of the game. She has to understand that throwing bad pitches is part of learning how to pitch. So does the parent. It's what you do after a bad one is what determines how she responds.
I'm not a fan of the honey sweetie treatment of athletes no matter what the age. A simple acknowledgement of the bad pitch, tell them why it was bad and them give them the direction to correct the mistake. Young kids have a wonderful ability to be able to take being taught so long as the approach is even and consistent.
I'm going to echo the others and say, she doesn't need more confidence, she needs parents who treat her better.
I had a friend who had a mum like you. It didn't end well for her as a pitcher or for them. They're still close, but she has a lot of resentment for her and how she treated her as a teenager. And you really don't want to know what everyone else thought of her mum. Just last week I was telling my mum about a current pitcher's mum and the best way for me to get across how bad this woman is was to say 'Remember Susi's mum? She's like her' My mum knew immeaditly what I meant.
Don't be those parents.
I had a friend who had a mum like you. It didn't end well for her as a pitcher or for them. They're still close, but she has a lot of resentment for her and how she treated her as a teenager. And you really don't want to know what everyone else thought of her mum. Just last week I was telling my mum about a current pitcher's mum and the best way for me to get across how bad this woman is was to say 'Remember Susi's mum? She's like her' My mum knew immeaditly what I meant.
Don't be those parents.
