Parents.... Subtitle: The bad apples

[Lemond]

Business like. 18U. Team only had one organized team dinner and that was always at Cinzetti's in Denver. That place was swarming with TB families. We always reserved a private room. Other than that, there was the annual Christmas party.

I have to say, Cinzzetti’s was pretty good for a place that caters to such a large crowd! And, yes, pretty much a mandatory stop for TB teams in Denver, it seemed.

 

[JoeBob]

DD's team hangs out in hotels..they all sit in a room together and play on their cellphones. Mucho bonding going on...

I should show you a photo from this weekend of all the girls sitting at the round corner booth all on their phones at the same time.

 

[sniles45]

Long story, I'll try to keep it short. We left a team last year because the quality of the instruction was sub-par and our DD was growing and moving past the "rec ball" type coaching and expectations. ( There are a million other reasons we left but I'm keeping this short) In the end our DD found a great new team and a great coach and was asked to be part of the team after tryouts. A few girls from my DD's previous team also made this new team and they are quality players and work hard. A few other players from the coach's previous team that had disbanded also came and then a few girls came from a variety of other teams also made the new team. It breaks down to almost an equal 30% Players from coaches old team, 30% Players from DD's old team, and 30% new players.

Part of the reason our DD decided to leave the previous team is because she's taking Softball seriously and has told us she would like pursue it in college. She has been working hard to get to that point. The new team she is on is a national organization that we hope could help her achieve that goal. So far the team and coaching has exceeded our expectations.

With that said, my wife and I have done everything we can to be a booster to the team. I run GC, one of the other parents works on the social media stuff, my wife has volunteered to do the book. We have tried to be vocal supporters of the team internally and externally. What we are starting to run into are a couple of miserable parents from the coach's previous team. We are hearing some rumors they are starting that are completely untrue and divisive, they make every effort to avoid the parents, their kids are the first to walk off the field after practice and games and they leave before the team meeting, etc... etc... etc.. These bad apples also pooh pooh any team building attempts off the field whether it's staying in the same hotel or group team activities.

The reason I'm writing all this is to see if there is any advice on how to deal with the few bad apple parents? I can see these 1 or 2 people spoiling it for the rest of us if this isn't nipped in the bud. Any thoughts or experiences would be greatly appreciated.

As with work, there is play. Time for a mandatory parents meeting. No players! As the players have rules of conduct,

Long story, I'll try to keep it short. We left a team last year because the quality of the instruction was sub-par and our DD was growing and moving past the "rec ball" type coaching and expectations. ( There are a million other reasons we left but I'm keeping this short) In the end our DD found a great new team and a great coach and was asked to be part of the team after tryouts. A few girls from my DD's previous team also made this new team and they are quality players and work hard. A few other players from the coach's previous team that had disbanded also came and then a few girls came from a variety of other teams also made the new team. It breaks down to almost an equal 30% Players from coaches old team, 30% Players from DD's old team, and 30% new players.

Part of the reason our DD decided to leave the previous team is because she's taking Softball seriously and has told us she would like pursue it in college. She has been working hard to get to that point. The new team she is on is a national organization that we hope could help her achieve that goal. So far the team and coaching has exceeded our expectations.

With that said, my wife and I have done everything we can to be a booster to the team. I run GC, one of the other parents works on the social media stuff, my wife has volunteered to do the book. We have tried to be vocal supporters of the team internally and externally. What we are starting to run into are a couple of miserable parents from the coach's previous team. We are hearing some rumors they are starting that are completely untrue and divisive, they make every effort to avoid the parents, their kids are the first to walk off the field after practice and games and they leave before the team meeting, etc... etc... etc.. These bad apples also pooh pooh any team building attempts off the field whether it's staying in the same hotel or group team activities.

The reason I'm writing all this is to see if there is any advice on how to deal with the few bad apple parents? I can see these 1 or 2 people spoiling it for the rest of us if this isn't nipped in the bud. Any thoughts or experiences would be greatly appreciated.

As with work, there is play. And in both there are expectations for both. The players have rules, written and unwritten, are are expected to follow them. Time for a patents only meeting, NO PLAYERS! At this meeting it is time to lay down expectations for the parents. Such that the parents should be held to a higher expectations than the players. The same level that the coaches should be held to. Expectations and consequences must be spelled out, with the caveat that players will not be punished for actions of the parents.

 

[sbmom19]

Unless it was a "stay to play" tournament, we typically stayed at a different hotel than most of the players/parents for a couple reasons. First, when you are playing so many games in a weekend, that is a lot of together time with your team (our team also had team lunches at the field, so that they could relax in between games without scrambling for food) and my DD wanted to have alone time to decompress away from the field and her teammates. Wasn't that she wasn't a team player or that she didn't like her teammates - she just needed that time to recharge mentally. Second, since our team was based 3.5 hours away from our hometown (sometimes we had to stay an extra night somewhere because of travel, we really tried to stay at one hotel chain so we could accumulate points to use at future stays - and that wasn't always where the rest of the team was staying. If there was a team dinner or some team activity we always made sure that she was there. Wonder hubby and I also didn't like to be buddy buddy with the all the parents - because we didn't want to be part of the gossip/negativity/bashing squad. Because there always is one. We were friendly, but didn't usually sit with everyone (since DD was a catcher we were typically behind the backstop somewhere while the parent group tended to be down the fence line beyond the dugout). Usually the only parents near us were the pitchers parents.

 

[Joel Rybacki]

Lots of advice here. Been through these types of things for over 5-years now. My DD is the last of the original 14u team with the same coaching staff (paid trainers). Seen lots of different types of players and parents come-and-go. We have our own small private list of players we will not play with if we change teams for some reason, mainly due to them bailing on their commitment and leaving the team in a tough position - usually initiated by the parents. Inevitably, we hear of them doing the same to other teams. Rough parents are easily avoided and you just need to learn to avoid them or ignore them. You'll still have to deal with the similar parenting on competition teams anyway (Anyone have a cowbell? College coaches love teams with them...), or that grandpa or grandma who occasionally attend and cannot be controlled by anyone. We instill in our DD that you made a commitment to the team (we, both player and parents, sign a contract in fact laying out expectations and general rules for both) and unless there are moral issues or safety issues, she and we are expected to push through. Those parents and players who are problems will disappear, but someone new may take their place. It does get better as the age group gets older but never will be perfect. We are not social butterflies but will occasionally mix it up in the lobby. DD prefers to draw and paint rather than gather with the team in a room somewhere but will occasionally do the bonding thing. The team should get that, and if they don't that is a red flag (DD has been captain for the last 3 years). Not sure where I am going other than rambling, but long-and-short is every year should be different and progressively better. Mixing it up every year a bit is better than the same group every year both for parents and building skills.

 

[Mike-Oviatt]

Couple of questions….
1) What age level is your daughter? If you are coming out of rec my first guess would be 10U or 12U and theses will be struggles you have until your daughter finds the right team with the right chemistry. If it is 14U or 16U you are likely deal with players and families who have been in the TB arena for several years now. Some parents and players and families will want to socialize and some will not (those choices are based on their past experiences with other teams). If you are 18U you are definitely dealing with players and families who likely d want to do the rec TB we all stay in the same place, eat lunch together etc.

2) National organization???
Organizations aren’t national they are franchised. Batbusters and Firecrackers out of SoCal, Bombers out of Texas, Impact out of Georgia and so on. There are local variations that aren’t associated to the franchises but the will look different than the franchises.

3) not a question but a statement— the coach needs to address the players and families leaving practices or games “early”. Every player should help with gear and participate in post game/practice conferences.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[uncdrew]

As with work, there is play. And in both there are expectations for both. The players have rules, written and unwritten, are are expected to follow them. Time for a patents only meeting, NO PLAYERS! At this meeting it is time to lay down expectations for the parents. Such that the parents should be held to a higher expectations than the players. The same level that the coaches should be held to. Expectations and consequences must be spelled out, with the caveat that players will not be punished for actions of the parents.

I like the statement that parents should behave like coaches. Coaches can't be drunk during games, yell at other parents, etc. Why should parents?

But how does your team punish the parents?

 

[_MIA_]

I like the statement that parents should behave like coaches. Coaches can't be drunk during games, yell at other parents, etc. Why should parents?

But how does your team punish the parents?

For most parents banning them from games will work..

 

[Cougars]

For most parents banning them from games will work..

For most... Certain posters here might see that as incentive

 

[_MIA_]

For most... Certain posters here might see that as incentive

Although just not going on my own is usually not a problem.