Parents: leave your child alone when she pitches.

[sluggers]

I was at a varsity HS game yesterday, and a Dad was standing directly behind home plate offering guidance to his daughter as she pitched. In the first inning, he told her to, "get head in the count," which is a slightly more nuanced way of saying, "just throw strikes."

Moms, dads...just don't. When your child is pitching, take your lawn chair and move all the way down the foul line and watch the game. Then, shut up and let her pitch.,

Why?

She has to learn to do this herself, without anyone's help. And, she has to take ownership--which means iff she succeeds, it's her success, not yours. If she fails,it's her failure, not yours.

 

[BigSkyHi]

I was at a varsity HS game yesterday, and a Dad was standing directly behind home plate offering guidance to his daughter as she pitched. In the first inning, he told her to, "get head in the count," which is a slightly more nuanced way of saying, "just throw strikes."

Moms, dads...just don't. When your child is pitching, take your lawn chair and move all the way down the foul line and watch the game. Then, shut up and let her pitch.,

Why?

She has to learn to do this herself, without anyone's help. And, she has to take ownership--which means iff she succeeds, it's her success, not yours. If she fails,it's her failure, not yours.

How true! It's taking away 'the moment' where one learns so much.

 

[HunterMO]

If she fails,it's her failure, not yours.

I think a lot of parents struggle with this.

 

[SoftballDadnWV]

I was just talking about this with one of my DD's last night at a middle school softball game, but in regard to batting. Let her be at the plate and bat. Anything you tell her as she stands in that box will only add to the million things going through her head already. Same for pitching. At the moment they step on the field, quit being the backyard coach we all are, and be a dad...or a mom...just be supportive. Just an opinion.

 

[Hillhouse]

I was at a varsity HS game yesterday, and a Dad was standing directly behind home plate offering guidance to his daughter as she pitched. In the first inning, he told her to, "get head in the count," which is a slightly more nuanced way of saying, "just throw strikes."

Moms, dads...just don't. When your child is pitching, take your lawn chair and move all the way down the foul line and watch the game. Then, shut up and let her pitch.,

Why?

She has to learn to do this herself, without anyone's help. And, she has to take ownership--which means iff she succeeds, it's her success, not yours. If she fails,it's her failure, not yours.

Ray, how long did it take you to learn this lesson yourself? Did you start off like the dad you described or did you keep it low key from the start?

 

[Tazman]

As a dad of two pitchers who has both succeeded and failed at this... DO. NOT. TALK. TO. YOUR. CHILD. ON. THE. MOUND. OR. IN. THE. BOX. You may delude yourself into believing you are helping her but your comments actually stem from your own fears and insecurities. 9 times out of 10, you will actually hurt her ability to focus and perform. You will convince yourself this is not the case but I assure you from experience it is. You are also sacrificing your relationship with your daughter on the altar of your insecurity. I can't tell you how many times I've seen pitchers self destruct, yell at their parents, or be in tears afterward. I have yet to see one say thank you for the tip. As a dad who has been there and come out the other side in hopes that one performance or one relationship is saved through these words.

 

[Cannonball]

Ray, how long did it take you to learn this lesson yourself? Did you start off like the dad you described or did you keep it low key from the start?

Bill, not Sluggers but my dd pitched. By the time my dd got to HS, I was her pitching coach. In fact, I used some of your DVDs to get a basic knowledge of what to do. Any coach or parent with common sense needs to know that you can't just tell a player to do something in a game and have them instantly do it. Not only did I not yell advice to her, I didn't say a word to anyone including many of my friends who's dds played on the same team. It is hard enough for a player/pitcher to deal with the coaching staff's instructions. Anything more puts players/pitchers on overload. JMHO!

(That final year, I was the HC but she didn't pitch her senior year.)

 

[Hillhouse]

I am not pushing back on this but, does this opinion or idea change if the Dad is also the coach? We all know the fine line that the Father/coach walks. Does coaching your kid change the way you talk to her on the field? If so, how?

I'm sure others see it too, I see a lot of parents talking to their kids during OUR lessons, sometimes over taking the lesson. And who's the kid gonna listen to, me or the person who they ride home with, serves them food, and they spend the majority of time with? So the kid becomes dependent on the feedback. After every pitch, they look to dad for approval or affirmation. It's very hard to watch.

 

[HunterMO]

I am not pushing back on this but, does this opinion or idea change if the Dad is also the coach? We all know the fine line that the Father/coach walks. Does coaching your kid change the way you talk to her on the field? If so, how?

I'm sure others see it too, I see a lot of parents talking to their kids during OUR lessons, sometimes over taking the lesson. And who's the kid gonna listen to, me or the person who they ride home with, serves them food, and they spend the majority of time with? So the kid becomes dependent on the feedback. After every pitch, they look to dad for approval or affirmation. It's very hard to watch.

I coached my DD for four years. Starting in 10u when she first started pitching. I went from a comment after every pitch (10u) to not saying a word until a visit was necessary just to get her out of her own head (14u). As a Dad, I’ve been guilty of it all. But I learned and grew as a pitcher parent. Part of that was learning the position and playing myself. What an eye opener.

How I talked to DD as a “Coach” was different then when I was “Dad”. I never coddled her. She was awarded time equal to anyone else. I was a proponent of letting a pitcher experience the suck and work through it. Cognizant though to try and walk the line and not ruin long term confidence. Once the game was over, I was back to Dad. But we worked hard on the tools she needed to make in game adjustments and not have to need me to yell them. I’d sit in silence and let her work through it.

Now that I’m not coaching her, I can watch and just let happen what happens. Her result is based on the work she puts in. She’s an age now that it’s on her. I can present the time to work, but it’s on her to use it.

When she was getting lessons I kept my mouth shut. I was there to learn as much as she was. I’d catch for her during the lesson which allowed to me to learn how to catch and watch her. But we were paying someone (who knew more than me) to work with her. Why would I get in between that?

Looking back, a learning point for me was during a cage session DD finally went “Dad, shut up and let me figure it out.” Fair enough.

 

[BigSkyHi]

Had a rule for the pitchers that the 2nd time I caught them looking onto the stands or dugout for the parent(s) they were coming out of the game. The parents also were aware of the rule. Got lucky, it worked.