Parents danged if you do danged if you don't

[CoogansBluff]

Phathead -

Good post, but one suggestion: Please break up your post with paragraphs. It's hard (even painful) to read when it's one giant block like that.

OK, as to your dilemma, I get your frustration. But my issue is that your in-game coaching teaches your daughter to disrespect the coach. Your coach has a rule against coaching. You break that rule. Your daughter sees that. It's not healthy.

So my suggestion is that you talk with the coach and make your case. If the coach is OK with you having a brief chat after each inning, then OK. But if not, I'd recommend finding another team, one whose head coach can help your daughter pitch. When I first coached, I had a pitcher who did well when her dad called her pitches. I let him in the dugout to do it. He was calm, unemotional, a very good coach for her. He taught me stuff. So I'm not against dads coaching their daughters on certain travel teams. I'm just against dads defying the coach. Need to find a coach that you can work with, or that you respect, IMO.

 

[RetiredCoach]

I have, now, an 18U and 14U DD. I have coached them in the past but, now, I don't say anything to them during a game. They are on their own. After the game, now, I just compliment the things that they did right. I might save a comment for another day but after the games it's only positive. As for correcting anything they did "wrong" during the game, I let my iPhone 6 with the 240 fps do it. I video them during the game and after the game I say, "I taped you pitching/hitting, if you would like to see it." Usually they do and usually they know how to self-correct without me saying a word.

This has made our relationship a lot more relaxed and pleasant.

 

[JAD]

If you don't have the head coach's permission, then you are out of line, IMO.

The college thread discussed whether it's always wrong for a parent to counsel/coach a player during a game. The answer is no, it's not always wrong. But any in-game coaching that defies the wishes of the head coach is wrong, IMO.

There is a right way and a wrong way for a parent to help their DD when she is struggling in the circle, but I always get a chuckle out of people that think TB and HS coaches know ANYTHING about pitching. How many of them attend weekly pitching lessons? How many of them do "bucket time"? Even if their own DD pitches or they pitched in college, the advice they offer may not be applicable to the teachings of another pitching coach.

 

[GunnerShotgun]

I coach. I know a lot about pitching. I also know that for 95% of the players they would be better off if their parents stayed home during tournaments.

Problem is that 100% of the patents think they are in the 5% that can help.

Your daughter doesn't need you at game time she needs you at practice and on the bucket during the week.

Some parents think they are on the team or even worse can impact a game with their coaching. In reality it makes no difference.

The amount of pressure most parents are putting on their kids outweighs any trivial amount of coaching or corrections they are providing.

Most people will read this post and say, "that's not me!" but in reality it is you.

Just my observations.

 

[fastpitch]

Coaching your kid during games regularly when you are not in the dugout to me is typical helicopter parenting and in the long run probably does more damage than good. Now I'm not just saying leave them out there to dry if they are struggling or asking for help, but it really should not be the norm to talk/send signs to your kids DURING games if the coach has rules against it or not. IMO it should be the exception regardless of the knowledge of the head coach and his/her staff.

 

[JAD]

I coach. I know a lot about pitching. I also know that for 95% of the players they would be better off if their parents stayed home during tournaments.

Problem is that 100% of the patents think they are in the 5% that can help.

Your daughter doesn't need you at game time she needs you at practice and on the bucket during the week.

Some parents think they are on the team or even worse can impact a game with their coaching. In reality it makes no difference.

The amount of pressure most parents are putting on their kids outweighs any trivial amount of coaching or corrections they are providing.

Most people will read this post and say, "that's not me!" but in reality it is you.

Just my observations.

[sarcasm font on] 95% of coaches do not know a thing about pitching, the problem is 100% of them think they are in the 5% that do.....[sarcasm font off]

 

[corlay]

an amendment to my original comments:

I think that trying to correct mechanics mid-game is largely futile.
But there is room for correction regarding strategy.

 

[RetiredCoach]

95% of coaches do not know a thing about pitching, the problem is 100% of them think they are in the 5% that do.....

I suspect that these numbers work for parents as well.

 

[klamath632]

Why is this so tough? You help your dd during the week when she is practicing. When it is game time, you sit in the stands, watch the game and don't put your child in jeopardy of sitting her butt on the bench for the rest of the game/her career. I was able to do this for 3 of the 4 years of my dd's HS career. I was the HC her last year of HS. I was able to do it for her last few years of TB. I was able to do it for 4 years of college. If I can do it, anyone can do it. My dd's coach set the rules for players and parents. I had faith that my child knew how to play because I did such a good job coaching her when she grew up and by the time she was in college, she could fix herself.

We were in Southern Missouri watching dd play and some parents showed up to the game with a couple of signs the dad had made. That girl was not on the team by the end of that game. It was a sight seeing the coach march from the 3B coaching box to the fence to yell at the parents. But hey, knock yourselves out.

Edited to add:

We had a golf match tonight. On the first hole, a parent drove their cart over to the side to tell his dd what club to use teeing off. I went over and told him that should he talk to her again, his dd could be disqualified. He said that no one was there to coach her. I told him to let her play and the rules state that any assistance is a DQ and I have just done him a favor by not DQing his DD. Two holes later, the cart is over to the side of the fairway and he is 5 feet from DD in direct violation of the rules of golf in our state and in our area. Also in violation of the cart on the path policy due to recent rain. According to some positions here, he should be able to coach her throughout the match. After all, he knows her swing the best.

What a strange edit. You had a good point made. Then you added a paragraph about a sport which disqualifies players for receiving coaching, something completely irrelevant to the argument.

 

[Cannonball]

Or the perhaps I was making a point that even in a sport where DQing a player is the rule and after a warning that his child would be DQed, a parent couldn't help himself and had to coach his child. Just like the point that when a college coach says that a parents will not coach their child, parents here suggest that they are going to continue to coach their child. At least to me it makes sense.