Parents danged if you do danged if you don't

[Phathead]

Down in the pitching thread some respected PC coaches really like it when a parent is there learning with player so they can help between lessons at home. Well of course the same parent is going to help/correct their DD at tourney or game if they see a bad habit or other flaw rearing it's ugly head. Jump down to the college area and a multi page thread on how it looks bad on the player if they seek advice from their parents and some coaches just plain forbid a player to have contact with a parent during a game, not all but some. The same would apply to hitting also the way I see it. Like the title says us parents can find ourselves in a pickle. PC or Hitting Coach telling us to work on X and remind her about Y. Now I'm not talking about the crazy yelling between and during every pitch, parent, but after a walk or between at bats we remind them "Hey remember to Y" just like the paid instructor told us to. In return we take the chance of either us or DD catching the wrath of the head coach. My take is until they are in college or the PC and the Hitting Coach are in the dugout if DD is struggling I will chance it and help her if I can. Of course the other ideal situation is the coaches in the dugout are on the same page as the private instructor.
The reason I bring this up is I'm the constant in my DD journey in SB, team changes in TB, high school coaching changes etc. I dare say it is rare that little Suzy joins TB org xyz at 8u and stays thru 18u and the high school coaches collaborate with the org. I do my best to sort thru the info here and pass it on to my DD at home or by a paid instructor. I have read several threads blasting parents as wanna be coaches when in reality Head Coaches benefit from parents a lot, and players benefit from good coaching a lot.
Sorry for the ramble/rant this just came to mind as I was sitting here reading and watching the LLWS.

 

[corlay]

Ive adpoted the policy of keeping quiet during games. Offer all the advice, correction, encouragement, I can during practices - but during games I let her self-correct and manage herself. Seems to be woking for us. She is an 11U this past season.

 

[Sparky Guy]

What I did over the years was work out a set of hand signals with my DD to help correct minor flaws in her motion if needed. She had a signal she would give me if she was struggling with something in the circle. I could give her the correction within a couple of seconds silently and no one but the two of us knew. The wife would be sitting next to me and never knew unless I told her.

When the DD was in college one of the other pitchers was struggling in the circle. They did not have a pitching coach. The DD came over to the fence and asked what the other girl was doing wrong. It was a minor adjustment in her motion and she came back to go 1-2-3 the next 3 innings. The other girl came over to the fence and mouthed thank you.

So you can communicate without letting everyone in the park know you are doing it. The caveat is to wait for your DD to ask for help. Let her try to work through it herself first.

 

[CoogansBluff]

My take is until they are in college or the PC and the Hitting Coach are in the dugout if DD is struggling I will chance it and help her if I can.

If you don't have the head coach's permission, then you are out of line, IMO.

The college thread discussed whether it's always wrong for a parent to counsel/coach a player during a game. The answer is no, it's not always wrong. But any in-game coaching that defies the wishes of the head coach is wrong, IMO.

 

[BT3100]

This is a tough one.
Only a pitcher's parent can understand. Years of sitting on a bucket and talking about pitching grows a bond. As parents we see what our kids do wrong and when we can help correct instantly, both them and we love it. However it's dangerous and can lead to a dependence.
The hardest lesson I learned as a parent is also the more important one..............

The most important thing a parent can teach their child is how to get along without them.

 

[Cannonball]

Why is this so tough? You help your dd during the week when she is practicing. When it is game time, you sit in the stands, watch the game and don't put your child in jeopardy of sitting her butt on the bench for the rest of the game/her career. I was able to do this for 3 of the 4 years of my dd's HS career. I was the HC her last year of HS. I was able to do it for her last few years of TB. I was able to do it for 4 years of college. If I can do it, anyone can do it. My dd's coach set the rules for players and parents. I had faith that my child knew how to play because I did such a good job coaching her when she grew up and by the time she was in college, she could fix herself.

We were in Southern Missouri watching dd play and some parents showed up to the game with a couple of signs the dad had made. That girl was not on the team by the end of that game. It was a sight seeing the coach march from the 3B coaching box to the fence to yell at the parents. But hey, knock yourselves out.

Edited to add:

We had a golf match tonight. On the first hole, a parent drove their cart over to the side to tell his dd what club to use teeing off. I went over and told him that should he talk to her again, his dd could be disqualified. He said that no one was there to coach her. I told him to let her play and the rules state that any assistance is a DQ and I have just done him a favor by not DQing his DD. Two holes later, the cart is over to the side of the fairway and he is 5 feet from DD in direct violation of the rules of golf in our state and in our area. Also in violation of the cart on the path policy due to recent rain. According to some positions here, he should be able to coach her throughout the match. After all, he knows her swing the best.

 

[Greenmonsters]

This is a tough one.
Only a pitcher's parent can understand. Years of sitting on a bucket and talking about pitching grows a bond. As parents we see what our kids do wrong and when we can help correct instantly, both them and we love it. However it's dangerous and can lead to a dependence.
The hardest lesson I learned as a parent is also the more important one..............

The most important thing a parent can teach their child is how to get along without them.

Amen to this

 

[grcsftbll]

I think the time for coaching is in practices. During games, let them play. Make notes if you want to, to discuss afterwards.

My daughter is 8 and a brand new pitcher. She's pitched in a couple of scrimmages now, never a real game yet. I was watching her at practice during a little scrimmage the other day. She was pitching and threw 2 or 3 in a row that were too high to be strikes. I saw her take a deep breath and focus, and her next pitch was a strike. She told me later, "When I throw a couple of balls in a row, I throw my next pitch a little slower. When it's a strike I throw faster again next pitch and can throw a strike again." That is nothing anyone taught her (and may not even be a great long term strategy, I don't know) but it was something that she figured out to get herself back on track, only her 2nd time pitching in a live batter situation. Point being, these girls know what they're doing and they can find their way without a bunch of mid-game coaching from all sides. And if they screw up they learn from that too. JMO.

 

[Phathead]

Good points by all. DD is older but young in the pitching game. She is in the very few local that is taught IR as IR. Some throw IR due to natural progression but still finish HE as they are taught and most throw with the push down straight arm HE style, so there is no coaches to help when struggling. I agree that if she figures it out on her own then the thought/correction will be retained better. I make myself not coach as much as I can, even when the wife is sitting there asking "what's she doing wrong" and I tell wife she's "abc" then wife says go tell her. I tell wife see if she can figure it out, sometimes she does adjust sometimes not, as one suggested that is when a simple flick of my nose tells her she forward and to stay back. C ball and C bluff I understand what you are saying and from I read and interpret you are good enough coaches to have the stances on the subject that you have. I also want to make clear that myself and a lot of other parents would love to just sit and watch as while I love coaching it is also nice to just sit and watch sometimes also. I want to throw one to ball and bluff, imagine good friend says you need to see this Suzy girl she is amazing 16u player. You go watch her pitch and think does she do anything mechanically correct and when she bats you notice her hands are crossed up. As the game finish up you realize she batted .700 and had 7 k's no BB and gave up one hit against a good team. Next time you see her in actio more of the same. She comes to you asking to play for you and her numbers in the circle and box would help your team greatly but you know you cant help her if she struggles because you know nothing about the mechanics she is using. Do you take her and just sit her on an off day or let her talk to parent who taught her this stuff so she can go out and help your team win. If your the coaches I think you are you would talk to and learn what the parents have taught her so you can coach her on the off days. While the scenario I laid out is pretty wild it is the way some of parents feel when IR is Chinese to the coach who also Squish bugs as a religious act. While most parents avoid these coaches sometimes we are get them anyway. High school would be good example as no real choice other than not playing.

 

[PEPPERS]

DD advised that I made her nervous, so I usually go hide where she can't see me during a game.