One dad fights back

[sluggers]

People like to believe that sex abuse is simple. It makes people feel comfortable. In truth, only the "grab and rape" cases are simple.

Here is a real life example I had to deal with on a weekly basis:

Daddy makes 100K per year. He has abused his 12YOA DD for a year. He admits it. Now what?

The easy answer is "throw Daddy in jail!" Everyone loves that answer...you can talk about it at the water cooler, slap each other on the back and say, "Yes, that is justice." There is a nice headline, and everyone forgets about it. Unfortunately, DD and Mommy still have to eat.

By putting Daddy into jail, there is no one around to support DD or Mommy. Mommy, in 90% of the cases, doesn't have a job and has no work skills. So, by putting Daddy into jail, Mommy and DD end up on welfare, and DD ends up having even more problems.

If you try to keep Daddy working in order to support DD and Mommy, some idiots will complain that you are "soft on crime".

These are very, very difficult cases. Nothing is ever easy--that is why I'm so suspicious of the original story. Everything is too simple.

 

[GOINGDEEP]

And Sluggers we all have to think of the long term effects of sexual abuse.

My wife's best friend since grade school was raped multiple times from 12 to 16 by her older step brother. After he moved out she told her biological mother and her step dad. Both denied it could ever have happened. They made her feel like a liar and unloved, and she turned to drugs and alcohol. Well about 7 years ago the older brother was involved in a sting operation of solicitation of a 11 year old girl. The girl had agreed to meet the older brother at the park for sex, instead it was an undercover cop.

Because my wife's friend's parents never believed her they don't speak to this day. They have never seen their 2 grand children, and live in the same city. The abused girl is off drugs now and lives a decent life, the brother is still in prison, and the family members don't speak. A family in turmoil because one sick person had a disease, and no one believed it could happen to them.

And the parents are still in denial, claim their "son" could never have done the solicitation.

 

[Mike]

The easy answer is "throw Daddy in jail!"

I am tired of these bastards, my answer is a lot cheaper. Zero tolerance for known sex offenders and their attorneys.

I am happy for my taxes to contribute to welfare for families who are left to fend for themselves because daddy died by lethal injection.

Don't even get me started on the catholic church and their coverups.

 

[knightsb]

People like to believe that sex abuse is simple. It makes people feel comfortable. In truth, only the "grab and rape" cases are simple.

Here is a real life example I had to deal with on a weekly basis:

Daddy makes 100K per year. He has abused his 12YOA DD for a year. He admits it. Now what?

The easy answer is "throw Daddy in jail!" Everyone loves that answer...you can talk about it at the water cooler, slap each other on the back and say, "Yes, that is justice." There is a nice headline, and everyone forgets about it. Unfortunately, DD and Mommy still have to eat.

By putting Daddy into jail, there is no one around to support DD or Mommy. Mommy, in 90% of the cases, doesn't have a job and has no work skills. So, by putting Daddy into jail, Mommy and DD end up on welfare, and DD ends up having even more problems.

If you try to keep Daddy working in order to support DD and Mommy, some idiots will complain that you are "soft on crime".

These are very, very difficult cases. Nothing is ever easy--that is why I'm so suspicious of the original story. Everything is too simple.

I do not understand the point of your example. Daddy abuses his 12YO, admits it, but because he is the sole bread winner you don't want to put him in jail because Mommy and DD end up on welfare which results in DD having more problems? What if the example was Daddy had gone to the bar after his 100K job, got liquored up and smashed his car into another family's car seriously injuring someone. Do you still think Daddy's life should go on as normal so that Mommy and DD don't end up on welfare? I guess I am one of those idiots that thinks this approach is "soft on crime". If a person commits a serious crime they should have to face serious consequences.

 

[crystlemc]

The effects of childhood sexual abuse will follow the abused for their entire life. It has bearing on all their relationships from that point forward. I feel it is a heinous and vile crime committed by spineless, weak individuals. The effects are insidious and very difficult to identify in some people and can wreak havoc on marriages and other interpersonal interactions. Unfortunately, I speak from personal experience on this one.

I say, there isn't a punishment severe enough for these people. The next best thing is to remove them from the gene pool, and I truly don't care how. "Kill 'em all and let God sort 'em out"

 

[sluggers]

Do you still think Daddy's life should go on as normal so that Mommy and DD don't end up on welfare?

Of course not. I've put many guys away for abuse. But, there are a lot of alternatives to jail.

Balancing society's interest in punishing the abuser and with doing what is best for the victim is difficult. If you can stop all future abuse of the child (and that is a big "if"), then you should look at other appropriate avenues.

Not all sex abuse is the same. There are all kinds of sex abuse, running from a one time "grope" to "sexual intercourse" to worse (and it can get a lot worse than sexual intercourse). Then there is the issue of how many times it occurred and over what period of time...and then you have to consider whether there are other children in the home. None of this is simple.

It is hard enough for an adult woman or man to recover from rape, but it is much, much more difficult for a child. The child is a mess, and Mommy generally is a shell of an adult. Many times the child still loves her father. The child needs a lot of therapy.

Abused children recant their allegations of abuse when they realize that they are going to have to leave their home and school because Mommy doesn't have a way to support them. Of course, if the child refuses to testify at trial or changes her story too many times, you aren't going to get a conviction anyway. (Mommy, of course, is encouraging the child to recant because she just wants everything to get back to normal.)

This stuff is very, very complicated.

 

[GOINGDEEP]

Of course not. I've put many guys away for abuse. But, there are a lot of alternatives to jail.

Balancing society's interest in punishing the abuser and with doing what is best for the victim is difficult. If you can stop all future abuse of the child (and that is a big "if"), then you should look at other appropriate avenues.

Not all sex abuse is the same. There are all kinds of sex abuse, running from a one time "grope" to "sexual intercourse" to worse (and it can get a lot worse than sexual intercourse). Then there is the issue of how many times it occurred and over what period of time...and then you have to consider whether there are other children in the home. None of this is simple.

It is hard enough for an adult woman or man to recover from rape, but it is much, much more difficult for a child. The child is a mess, and Mommy generally is a shell of an adult. Many times the child still loves her father. The child needs a lot of therapy.

Abused children recant their allegations of abuse when they realize that they are going to have to leave their home and school because Mommy doesn't have a way to support them. Of course, if the child refuses to testify at trial or changes her story too many times, you aren't going to get a conviction anyway. (Mommy, of course, is encouraging the child to recant because she just wants everything to get back to normal.)

This stuff is very, very complicated.

I'm sure it's very difficult, and I'm sure at times the prosecutors hands are tied by higher interests and people with power. Trust me, I've been working for the Federal Man for 17 years this past Tuesday. Lots of times what I know and feel is right is trump carded by a simple phone call by someone who tells me other wise.

What bothers me is the repeat offender, what should we have done different? How can you choose between someone who made a single bad choice and one who has a "hunger" for unthinkable crimes. There is a big difference in a 18 year old having sex with his 17 ( minor ) girlfriend, and a 20 year old preying on a pretty 16-17 who has social or personal problems.

Then a huge difference in a 40 YO and a pre-teenage "child". This should not be tolerated at all. That is a sickness that can not be treated away, medicated away, or processed away.

Parents of children have a harsh view on this subject, as they should. We spend our lives loving and protecting them, the thought of someone hurting them even for a moment.............can get ugly to say the least.

 

[MTR]

Parents of children have a harsh view on this subject, as they should. We spend our lives loving and protecting them, the thought of someone hurting them even for a moment.............can get ugly to say the least.

But what has happened in the last 50 years? What has changed that has created the issues we have today?

Growing up, kids knew not to trust anyone they didn't know with anything. If you were lost, you found a cop or in the city, a firefighter or just about any type of civil servant and you were safe.

Kids would be riding a bicycle or hoofing it before dawn delivering newspapers or disappear right after breakfast to play ball or some other activity. Parents wouldn't see their children until lunch. Then out again right after lunch until dinner time. Come home for a family dinner and then out again to play ball, this time for your team. Parents would show up, if possible, and provide support for the team, not just their child. There were no cell phones or GPS trackers.

So, the question is what has changed that apparently has placed every child at risk?

 

[PEPPERS]

Slugger is so right; many times the family after the initial anger begins to think about the life style change and then the story changes. In these cases you often punish the victims as much as you punish the offender. There are no simple answers.

As to why things have change it is a complex answer, society has changed, media has brought this crime to the forefront and law enforcement is pursuing this crime more and they have new technologies to convict the offender.

IMO the number one reason is drugs.

 

[GOINGDEEP]

But what has happened in the last 50 years? What has changed that has created the issues we have today?

Growing up, kids knew not to trust anyone they didn't know with anything. If you were lost, you found a cop or in the city, a firefighter or just about any type of civil servant and you were safe.

Kids would be riding a bicycle or hoofing it before dawn delivering newspapers or disappear right after breakfast to play ball or some other activity. Parents wouldn't see their children until lunch. Then out again right after lunch until dinner time. Come home for a family dinner and then out again to play ball, this time for your team. Parents would show up, if possible, and provide support for the team, not just their child. There were no cell phones or GPS trackers.

So, the question is what has changed that apparently has placed every child at risk?

I sure hate to get started on such things on a softball board, but my love for children sometimes gets the best of me. My up bringing and chosen profession lead me to various conclusions and personal dealings.

What has changed? Society itself. We no longer offer any deterrent for crimes, you just about have to rape or kill the judge's kid to get any serious conviction. And even then the slickest lawyer can find a loop hole in the arrest or investigation that gets plea bargaining or the entire trial dismissed. Sluggers should be able to attest that the person committing the crime actually has more rights and has to be treated with clean gloves more than the victims.

Then you have special interest groups shoving their nose just because of the race card. It doesn't matter to them the nature or seriousness of the crime, just that the "system" is prosecuting an illegal alien, African American, Muslum, etc. Cities, states, and the country doesn't want the attention of such "profiling"..............why? Because too much money is at stake, elected officials do not want the attention that could lose voters. It's much easier to lose a families vote and sweep it under the rug, then to go head to head with special interest groups who use media tactics to swing facts and the public eye in their direction and lose 10's of 1000's of votes.

Sluggers said its complicated, and you bet your a$$ it is. If you were a fly on the wall from the crime itself, to the arrest, to the investigation, to the trial, to the BS, to the chamber deals, to the "interested party" phone calls, it would turn your stomach. Prisons are full, sentences are too short, and it costs a ton to incarcerate.

Go sit in on a trial sometime, the victims are usually belittled, taunted, backgrounds torn apart, pressured, aggravated, mocked, embarrassed, etc. And the accused sits calmly as "he" is protected by "rights".

It's a freaking mess, and I'm going to cut it off here.