Obligated to play?

[JAD]

If my DD had made other plans that were important to her, I would not make her change them to 'play up' with another team in the same organization. Her commitment and obligation is to her coach and teammates, not the organization!

 

[Scl1991]

There is no way to say what you should or should not have done without understanding all the personalities involved. Extra play, especially playing up a little, exposes a kid to better competition and can help them improve.
However, the quickest way to make your daughter hate softball is to force it on her. She had no obligation to play with the other team. She didn't want to play with the other team. So let her make that decision. If there are "consequences" to her saying no, so be it. That's part of growing up. She'll figure out on her own if she wants to push that hard or not. But she has to be allowed to be a kid.

 

[glf0845]

When it got cancelled, she accepted plans to do something with a bunch of friends that she turned down prior because of softball. How would it look if she said yes to them now, then backed out again because of softball?

It would look like she loved the game, that she wants to play in college, wants to play at the gold level and be an elite softball player. Sorry I just don't get it. My DD is surrounded by such athletes. But I guess there are different levels of play. Again JMHO

 

[Pdiddy]

In either case it is an organization - be prepared for potential fall-out. Ya can't expect organization leaders to be "understanding" although we all wish.....

very true...can you see the powers to be standing around...

Club Director: "so did offer a spot the our kid on the 16A team and is she excited to get a shot at the big girls?"
HC 18's: "yeah.... I offered it to her....but she can't make it?"
Club Director: "what?....why?"
Head Coach 18A: "because she made plans with her friends"
Club Director: "are you kidding me?"
Head Coach 18A: "no....can you believe that?"
Club Director: "no, I can't...oh well now we know what to expect I suppose..."
Head Coach: "yes, it's disappointing she doesn't want to change her plans...."

that is a very simple and plausible conversation a club director and a head coach for a good club could have in this situation....unless she bought a pre-paid plane ticket, some guys are not going to take a "thanks, but no thanks....I got other plans" response very well....personally I would highly recommend re-considering or at least give them a better reason, which of course would include lying....and also not the best idea...I would think my friends would understand an opportunity and be good with a "rain-check".....

of course this all depends on what level your club is at too....plenty of them out there were this would not be the biggest deal in the world and everyone would just go on....it wouldn't go well in the one I'm involved with but we certainly wouldn't penalize a girl for either....we just would never ask again.

 

[Coach-n-Dad]

WOW, really good thread!

First off, my DD has had exactly this same scenario happen a couple of years ago and she cancelled plans to go to homecoming so she could play "with the big girls" at 18 Gold. Sure, I would have been disappointed that she didn't take the offer, but who am I to make a possible life decision for my kid?

Did your DD make a mistake by declining to play up? That completely depends on your DD. Does she REALLY want to play high level college ball; does she REALLY want to commit to the sport; is she REALLY committed to the organization??? If the answers are all yes, then she might have made a mistake, maybe.

Not all of our girls are made of the stuff it takes to play at the college level, some will get tired for one reason or another and either play at a lower level (for fun only) and some will quit altogether.

 

[Sparky Guy]

How would it look if she said yes to them now, then backed out again because of softball?

If her friends know anything about her commitment to play ball at the highest level they should not be offended in the least. There are only so many opportunities to get a chance to really see what you're made of where it's a win/win situation for everyone involved.

ALL of my DD's friends knew that softball came first and understood it. Even now when we're coaching a team together. They all understand. I heard her telling some friends she could not make something because we had an 8:00 AM game that was over an hour away and she needed to get to bed early for it. There are plenty of opportunities to hang with friends during the off season and during the week.

How the organization takes it depends on those who run it. I know I would put the player low on my list the next time another team needed help.

 

[starsnuffer]

She probably burned some karma with her current org. The good news is that there are plenty of other organizations who are oblivious to this decision. Life goes on.

-W

 

[Greenmonsters]

Just another warning to be carefull and remember that our DDs (and sons) are kids first, ballplayers second. There's a few recent threads talking about girls not wanting to play SB anymore or at least wanting to take a break. As they approach college, they likely will have been focussed on SB year round for at least 4 years (and up to 10 yrs for those who started TB at 8, god forbid) and you don't want them to feel like SB is job or something they have to do. My DD started college about a month ago and is happily continuing to play SB - she could've worked harder and improved more during the last 6-12 months but her priorities evolved and if DW hadn't been perceptive (cuz I wasn't) and realized DD needed a break from her regular, intense SB schedule to have a little more time to enjoy her friends and senior year, then like several of her SB friends with college-level ability, DD probably wouldn't be playing now.

Once it stops being fun, they'll stop playing, so it pays to listen to them when they say they want a break or you very well could be responsible for driving them away from the sport they once loved.

 

[coachtucc]

I have a 12U player that will be filling in this Sat for my 14U team. Her Dad said that she is so excited to play for me and that she can't believe that I would ask her to play at a higher level. I asked her to also play Sunday for me but she can't. I told her that it is ok and that she is welcome to always come down when we have a game even if I don't need her. I think she is more disappointed than I am that she can't play this Sunday! And yes I will be disappointed if a player I ask to come up a level can't make it but I won't tell her that!!

 

[Wheels]

Not knowing the whole story/situation, it seems like a great opportunity that she passed up - being that she is a pitcher.