My first parent coach confrontation

[fairlaniac]

Hello,
I’m new here. I was looking for similar situations that happened to me last. I’m a fairly new to coaching. Currently I’m coaching girls 10U. My daughter is on the team and the main reason I volunteered to “help out”. Helping out 3 years ago instantly turned into head coach. I enjoy it and it’s something my daughter and I can enjoy together. Last night a parent approached me and the other coach on our team. He started off by loudly making a sarcastic comment thanking us for letting his daughter pitch in what he thought was a coach’s daughter pitches only team. His observation is correct in that my daughter and the other coaches daughter pitch the most innings (2 each game, maybe 3 each). We have the mentioned parent’s daughter pitch and inning on occasion and another girl is an inning only girl. Our daughters have a full understanding of the game and work hard at home on all aspects of the game. The pitch well, hit well, play defense well and just plain hustle. The complaining parent’s daughter pitches decent, hits decent but has no hustle, won’t pay attention in the field. She has no instinct on what to do with the ball when she gets it, on the mound she does all she can do to duck or step aside. In my 3 years of coaching I have never had any formal education on how to coach these girls. I’m pulling from experiences that I had as a kid in the 60’s & early 70’s and common sense. I play this girl in the outfield most of the time, RF. I do it because it’s safe for her. She just doesn’t seem to want to play but she wants to pitch because Dad says she is good. Anyhow the parent fired off publicly with a verbal assault. I pretty much told him his daughter isn’t pitching because she doesn’t hustle or show any motivation and fails to retain any fielding skills that are taught to her. I explained my thoughts on having her in a ‘safe” position. He didn’t like my approach, it was an ugly 5 minutes. We said if he didn’t like the way we were coaching then he needs to step up and volunteer to coach. He said he is signing up for next year. We’ll see, I then invited him to help out at next Tuesday’s game. He said he cannot. Now I have known this parent for 3-4 years and also know that he plays in a men’s softball league and on Tuesday’s he has games. So I got bent out of shape and thanked him for his explaining his priorities. They left and vowed to email the league. I hope he does because I did as soon as I got home and included all levels of the league on the email. I don’t claim to be a great coach but the girls are playing well and having fun without me ever having to raise my voice or speak meanly to them. I pity the girl, now her dad is “that parent”

I didn’t sleep well last night because it bothered me but I’m not sure what to do. I don’t expect much from the league.

Oh well, thanks for letting me vent.

Doug

 

[SoCalDad]

Welcome to the world of softball coaching. Many years ago a wise coach once told me, "The best friends your daughter will ever have will be from softball, the greatest enemies you will ever make will be their parents".

 

[Coach-n-Dad]

"The best friends your daughter will ever have will be from softball, the greatest enemies you will ever make will be their parents".

There was never a more true statement.

 

[joemcq51]

I am assuming this is a rec 10u team. If that is the case, you may have made a couple mistakes. You stated that you felt his DD was a "decent" pitcher. If that is the case, to only occasionally give her a mop up inning is probably why he is upset. At 10u, a player would benefit defensively from actual game time. Now I certainly don't agree with a parent yelling at a coach. I was not there and have no idea as to what was said. I would much rather a parent approach me as coach, rather than sit in the stands and be an issue for the entire season. Perhaps when you have cooled off a bit, you could approach the parent in a calmer manner and discuss the situation further. I would be willing to bet that if you showed some empathy and explained why his DD was not getting mound time and what she could do to earn more, he would be less hostile towards you. Good luck and let us know how this plays out.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

You did fine. Another thing you could always do, is let the girl pitch and fail. But, sometimes the parents don't even recognize failure.

 

[quincy]

If you are uncomfortable their DD playing the infield require her to “armor up”. We have singled out 1 player this year that is required to armor up when she is in the infield. Team rule that only applies to her. Is this fair, IDK. Just the way it is.

Then again this might push the parent over the edge.

 

[InsidePitch]

“armor up”.

What does that mean? facemask, full catchers gear? Why not just play her in the OF. When I used to coach rec kids would come to me and ask to play first. My answer was always the same. When you show me you won't get hurt and know what to do with your glove you can play first.

 

[Momo'sDad]

Require a mask and put her out there to pitch 1 inning for about every 7 played. If you know that she is practicing somewhat regularly and can throw hittable pitches, give her some game experience at that position. The parent shouldn't even have to ask. It should come from the kids. You build their confidence by having them come to you and by giving them opportunities after telling them what they can do to earn more innings in the circle or at other positions. If you make 10u rec softball just about softball, then I think you and your young players are really missing out.

The parent's verbal assault was inappropriate in that setting, but when it comes to rec team management, there has to be a balance between the individual athlete's development as a player or just as a person and giving the team the best chance to be successful. There's no perfect formula, but the more you attempt to balance things, the more support you'll get from your parents.

 

[quincy]

If I could get away with it I would require full catchers gear, at a minimum she needs to wear face mask and shin guards. It can be boring playing OF inning after inning. Just my opinion.

 

[KevinC]

It sounds to me like you're being fair and reasonable with the player. A #3 or #4 pitcher getting an inning or two every other game in rec ball seems right to me. Tell her and her parents that if she wants more pitching and infield time you need to see some hustle at RF - backing up throws to 1B, etc.

I've only been coaching rec ball for a couple of years but if I had an irate parent come to me after a game I would listen to what they have to say but wouldn't respond. There is no way you are going to convince them you are right while they are venting. I'd thank them for coming to me with their concerns and suggest we meet or talk on the phone the next day to discuss it. If you can calmly explain your rationale for what you are doing you may not win over the parent but your league officials will most likely back you up.

A couple of times parents have sent concerns or complaints to me via email. My email response is always "thanks for bringing this to my attention - when can I call you to talk about it?". After one bad experience I'll never let myself get into a heated email exchange again.

In rec your job is to make as many of the girls and parents happy as possible but you probably can't keep everyone happy. If only one or two out of 12 is mad at you can't do much better than that.

I love coaching my DD's team but episodes like these make you question whether it's worth it - I think it is.