My first parent coach confrontation

[Momo'sDad]

I've only been coaching rec ball for a couple of years but if I had an irate parent come to me after a game I would listen to what they have to say but wouldn't respond. There is no way you are going to convince them you are right while they are venting. I'd thank them for coming to me with their concerns and suggest we meet or talk on the phone the next day to discuss it. If you can calmly explain your rationale for what you are doing you may not win over the parent but your league officials will most likely back you up.

Excellent point, Kevin. I never had to deal with it, but I wouldn't discuss any of these matters right after a game with parents either. I only talk to the players after each game, and parents are not included. I did put this policy in writing and covered it at the team meeting prior to the season, though. There's almost no way to have an effective dialogue in that moment when the parent is most upset. The only questions I'll take from parents after a game are for quick rules clarifications, but even that can be a little tricky when you're trying to tell a parent that it was an umpire's judgment call.

 

[CoachKevin]

We always use the 24 hour rule, schedule a meeting AFTER the next practice and AFTER all players have left the field. This gives the parent time to cool down, and gives me time to print out the stats and the reason for whatever the decision. We will ONLY discuss their player, not comparaing other players into the mix. If this starts to happen make sure to direct the talk back to their player.

BTW, haven't had to do this yet... but it is discussed in the first parent meeting.

 

[Husky]

Tough position to be in for a volunteer and you weren't going to win with this guy unless his daughter was the #1. From the other side of the fence though maybe 10U rec ball is a little early to plant a kid who is decent in left field because she lack's instincts. Might be just the kind of player who could benefit from some PT.

 

[PA SB Dad]

Rec league everyone plays infield and outfield. To stick a 10 year old in right field all the time for "safety" reasons makes no sense - if I were in RF in a 10U game all the time I would be chasing butterflies too. As the coach, it is your responsibility to teach all the girls, not just the select few. If you are not motivating this player, look at what you are doing. For 2 kids to pitch most of the innings in rec league does smell a but like daddy-ball. Use the criticism and the opportunity to become a better coach.

 

[stephanie]

Rec league everyone plays infield and outfield. To stick a 10 year old in right field all the time for "safety" reasons makes no sense - if I were in RF in a 10U game all the time I would be chasing butterflies too. As the coach, it is your responsibility to teach all the girls, not just the select few. If you are not motivating this player, look at what you are doing. For 2 kids to pitch most of the innings in rec league does smell a but like daddy-ball. Use the criticism and the opportunity to become a better coach.

I have to agree here...
This is 10U REC ball. Why are only 2 girls being allowed to start a game, when you have admitted that this kid is a "decent" pitcher? 'Rec' is to get better. 'Rec' is to learn how to play. 'Rec' is to learn how much fun softball can be. 'Rec' is to try different positions. You've stuck a kid in RF who probably could do other positions, and I wonder why. This kid isn't a newbie. This kid pitches. I guarantee that she knows how to handle a ball. Girls who deserve to wear a mask in the OF are the girls who catch balls with their eyes closed and with their heads turned, not girls who spend time outside of practice learning how to pitch. (And have you thought about how humiliating this might be to a 10 year old girl?) So please don't do this to her...
You, as the coach, need to realize that YOU have moved beyond REC ball. It has gone beyond playing for the fun and development of ALL the girls on the team. You now have more of a desire to win. Which is fine in TB or select!! And there's nothing wrong with needing to win. But in REC ball, the need to win shouldn't matter this much. Take your daughter and go find a strong team to play with. And don't look back.

 

[fairlaniac]

Thanks!

I appreciate the tips and hope to learn something should this arise again. The league is school based not rec league but a lot of what has been makes sense.

Thanks,
Doug

 

[sluggers]

The complaining parent’s daughter pitches decent, hits decent but has no hustle, won’t pay attention in the field. She has no instinct on what to do with the ball when she gets it, on the mound she does all she can do to duck or step aside.

I'm not particularly sympathetic, either. You were asked by a parent why you played your DD and the coach's DD more. Your explanation, honestly, is pretty sad, and it sounds a lot like one big rationalization.

Your reason lacks anything concrete or specific. She doesn't "hustle"? What does that mean? She doesn't "pay attention"? Again, what does that mean? And, to go a little further, if the child doesn't hustle and pay attention, then it is *YOUR* fault as the head coach for not teaching her.

(I've coached a lot of very bad players. By the end of the season, a bunch of them were still not very good, but I've never had a kid who at the end wasn't hustling or paying attention.)

Finally, you say, she doesn't have the "instinct". "Instinct" is something that is created at birth. So, God intended that this child shouldn't pitch?

To me, it sounds like you have played your kids at pitcher, and they have become (surprise!) good at that position because they played it a lot. The other kid, who doesn't play the position, isn't good at it because (SURPRISE AGAIN) she never gets to play the position.

For whatever reason, you decided to coach. When you decide to coach, you give up your right to treat your child differently. If this kid wants to pitch and has some talent for it, which you say she does, then you are obligated to try to develop her as much as possible.

This isn't about you. It isn't about the child's parents. It is about the child.

 

[fairlaniac]

What do I know?

I'm not particularly sympathetic, either. You were asked by a parent why you played your DD and the coach's DD more. Your explanation, honestly, is pretty sad, and it sounds a lot like one big rationalization.

Your reason lacks anything concrete or specific. She doesn't "hustle"? What does that mean? She doesn't "pay attention"? Again, what does that mean? And, to go a little further, if the child doesn't hustle and pay attention, then it is *YOUR* fault as the head coach for not teaching her.

(I've coached a lot of very bad players. By the end of the season, a bunch of them were still not very good, but I've never had a kid who at the end wasn't hustling or paying attention.)

Finally, you say, she doesn't have the "instinct". "Instinct" is something that is created at birth. So, God intended that this child shouldn't pitch?

To me, it sounds like you have played your kids at pitcher, and they have become (surprise!) good at that position because they played it a lot. The other kid, who doesn't play the position, isn't good at it because (SURPRISE AGAIN) she never gets to play the position.

For whatever reason, you decided to coach. When you decide to coach, you give up your right to treat your child differently. If this kid wants to pitch and has some talent for it, which you say she does, then you are obligated to try to develop her as much as possible.

This isn't about you. It isn't about the child's parents. It is about the child.

I'm not sure what the best adjectives are but she just doesn't have it. I've been roped into coaching basketball and softball the past few years as no one would step up to coach my daughter and her schoolmates. So I relly don't consider myself a coach but what I try to do is coach. This particualr girl I have had for three years in B-ball and softball. Her body just doesn't mechanically move well or fast. Her thought process and reactions are very slow and her social skills are slow. I talked to her a few weeks ago and asked if her back or legs bothered her as she barely runs past the speed of a walk. She is the daughter of a local "softball jock". A good guy up until the other night, probably still a good guy ;-) but I don't think she enjoys either sport. It's weird and when I volunteered I never expected this. I'm sure tha tI messed up a bit in this situation and maybe a few others the past years. I'll decipher the criticism good or bad and try to learn from it. I was always a quiet sports player that worked hard and kept my mouth shut. That was in the late 60's - early 70's. Nowdays everyone has a mouth and it's tough to see how the way I use to play fits into todays "all about me world".

Thanks,
Doug

 

[dbias]

I'm not sure what the best adjectives are but she just doesn't have it. I've been roped into coaching basketball and softball the past few years as no one would step up to coach my daughter and her schoolmates. So I relly don't consider myself a coach but what I try to do is coach. This particualr girl I have had for three years in B-ball and softball. Her body just doesn't mechanically move well or fast. Her thought process and reactions are very slow and her social skills are slow. I talked to her a few weeks ago and asked if her back or legs bothered her as she barely runs past the speed of a walk. She is the daughter of a local "softball jock". A good guy up until the other night, probably still a good guy ;-) but I don't think she enjoys either sport. It's weird and when I volunteered I never expected this. I'm sure tha tI messed up a bit in this situation and maybe a few others the past years. I'll decipher the criticism good or bad and try to learn from it. I was always a quiet sports player that worked hard and kept my mouth shut. That was in the late 60's - early 70's. Nowdays everyone has a mouth and it's tough to see how the way I use to play fits into todays "all about me world".

Thanks,
Doug

I had the same thing happen a few years ago. Superjock Dad and Mom whose kid did not get their physical ability from the gene pool and certainly did not share the intrest in the game the parents did. I knew day one this would be a problem as they had to drag her from the car for the first practice. One game while doing her infield time at third she was so oblivious to what was going on that a shot went right by her head and she didnt even flinch... umpire came over and asked what she was doing there and asked that she be put in the outfield for her own safety. Best of luck.... you can coach your rearend off and still not reach some.

 

[Wookie]

A coach's first priority, especially at the younger ages and lower levels of ability, is to ensure the safety of the kids. Although "hustle", "paying attention" and "instinct" are not quantifiable as are BA, hits allowed, etc., the coach is the one who is there and observes the player and has made a decision based on HIS observations. If he feels her safety is best suited with the player in RF, that's his decision.

As to not pitching her, I agree with some of the other posts - it's rec ball and she needs innings. She needs to feel comfortable having a batter hit a ball from that distance. If it is apparent that she's not comfortable, then do not pitch her until she does, and let her and her parents know this.