Mental help for the Coach's daughter. :)

[SLAM96Coach]

My daughter is a pitcher and I'm the head coach. I coach a first year 14U team. We have 3 girls ahead of her pitching better right now. My daughter contributes greatly on the team outside of pitching as our starting 1b and #3 hitter. She's a great hitter and a solid 1b.

She has a fantastic pitching coach in my opinion that pretty much develops the best kids in our area. She goes to him for 1 hr per week and we practice pitching outside of that 2 other sessions per week. Her velocity and mechanics have really improved over the last year and she has good enough mechanics and velocity to compete in 14U.

Here's the situation.

In the safety of the indoor facility with Daddy catching and pitching coach instructing, she has good control, can hit spots and good velocity. She has confidence, is smiling and successful.

Once out on the field ( like last night pitching to her teammates in practice ), she really struggles with control. Honestly, being #4 on the team, she's not receiving a lot of innings in games right now. What is unique is when she plays middle school ball she dominates and displays great control...no problems at all. It's lesser competition, of course, but the control is there.

I think she's feeling a lot of pressure and as the head coach of the team, I'm having a hard time justifying giving her more innings. I need to be fair to all the girls on the team. Without giving her innings, though, it is difficult for her to get over the hump and get confidence.

Anyone been in this situation? Any ideas for me? Thanks.

 

[ifubuildit]

Coach,

Tough situation. What do you notice about her demeanor when she is on the mound in a game vs practice? Does she use the same routine and approach for each pitch in both places? Does she take a deep breath and relax before each pitch? Routine has a lot to do with a pitchers success on the field.

What is changing coach? Confidence level? Fear of failure in front of peers? Mental toughness disappears in games?

When you ask her what does she say or does she just blow you off cause your dad?

Some additional insight would be helpful. PM me if your not comfortable with these questions in a forum.

Thanks,

Dana.

 

[SLAM96Coach]

Tough sitiation. What do you notice about her demeanor when she is on the mound in a game vs practice? Does she use the same routine and approach for each pitch in both places? Does she take a deep breath and relax before each pitch? Routine has a lot to do with a pitchers success on the field.


She seems to be rushing in practice and in games. She doesn't look as confident or happy. Sometimes I see her try to guide the ball which results in a late release point. I never see this in the facility. Routine is a good point. Perhaps I'll talk to the coach about that because she really doesn't have a "routine" that is obvious. She's kind of always been a "fast" pitcher.


What is changing coach? Confidence level? Fear of failure in front of peers? Mental toughness disappears in games?


It's confidence and probably a little of failing in front of her peers. Another interesting thing -- she pitches her closest friends on the team much better than the 3 new girls we added last summer.


When you ask her what does she say or does she just blow you off cause your dad?


She's certainly frustrated and is pretty open. She says she's sorry -- which makes me sad. She knows I have high expectations for her. I'm not "one of those dads" though, who rides her. I'm believe I'm very supportive. What I tell her is that she needs to experience pitching in the games/practices to get better and this is the only way to get over the hump. It frustrates her that she struggles in the dirt versus with her pitching coach. She really wants to overcome it and is open about it.

She wants to be a great pitcher, but more than that, she wants the team to win. She's not too conflicted about that.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

DVD - Mental Fundamentals of Baseball and Softball

Get the one that is the newest one for Baseball and Softball.

 

[mkral]

Slam,
I don't know if this is even close to what you have going on but I can tell you what happened to me and my DD recently.

She came to me, after she has been struggling with hitting her spots but her mechanic still looked good, and said she was upset because she feels that she cannot make me happy. She felt that she cannot be perfect enough for me. It about killed me as a father to hear that from her. So we sat down and I explained to her that what we do on the field and at practice is a game and is not life or death. What matters is that I love her no matter how she pitches and or plays. I explained to her that she will never be perfect because she is not a machine and I do not expect her to be perfect. She understood what I was saying.

She pitched in relief 2 days ago and was all worked up when she went in and I walked her out and told her to relax and just throw like she knows she can. Don't worry about what I think because I am always proud of her no matter what. She pitched extremely well. She was having some anxiety and some of it was just to satisfy me. Now put that pressure on top of the pressure of just being out there to complete the job at hand and it had to be tough on her to say the least. We have had some great talks since then and I firmly believe she realizes now that she cannot make me stop loving her or stop being proud of her no matter what happens on the pitching plate or on the field. This has taken a lot of pressure off of her and has allowed her to focus on just pitching and playing her game.

I think kids always want to please their parents and some kids will go overboard to do so. My DD wears her heart on her sleeve all the time but she is extremely driven. I need to be a parent first and a coach second and sometimes that is really hard to do. But after 6 years of doing this it is getting a little easier.

Good Luck
Mike

 

[mkral]

You guys posted before I got mine done. I too have never felt like one of those parents who ride my DD. But she felt that she needed to please me for some reason. Again I don't know if you have that going on at all but it is worth a talk with her. She sounds like a great kid that will if nothing else love to talk to you about it.

Again good Luck
Mike

 

[Amy in AZ.]

Also, I encourage the pitchers to get out of the dugout between innings and listen to their ipods.

 

[SLAM96Coach]

You are probably dead on with this. ( the pleasing dad part )

 

[Dave D]

So many responses while I was typing mine, but here's mine, anyway.

Slam,
I HAVE been there, I AM there right now. I was a HS and TB coach for 10 years before DD started playing for me. All through that time I swore she'd never be a pitcher, just so I could avoid the difficulties of this situation. You know what they say, though, "Man plans, God laughs." DD is now pitching for my 14U TB team as one of four pitchers. Some days she's #1, some days she's #3. Here's what I've learned: no matter how much I have tried not to put undue pressure on her to perform, she has still felt pressure just because she's smart enough to see that other players and parents are that much more conscious of whether her opportunities to pitch match up with her performance (does Dad go to her too often/stick with her too long/pull her too soon when she's struggling?) We're fortunate to be part of a team where there is almost no dissent about coaches' decisions, but it is still a factor in her consciousness. Some days, that pressure has had an impact on her ability to throw the ball over the plate, either in games or in practice. A lot of times when that has happened, I'm embarrassed to say, I've been frustrated and gotten after her to "get her head on straight." or some such, which has just gone to make her more aware that she isn't getting it done that day, and that everybody knows it. In my experience, for a 13 y.o., especially, awareness that lots of people are watching you struggle or fail is NOT a motivator.

This spring, I've made an effort to treat her more as I would any other pitcher working to get better--encouragement, praise, and focus on teaching the mechanical and mental disciplines of pitching. I'm trying to make it clear to her through my words and actions that, at team practice and games, she's just one of the members of the team, that I get that she will have good days and bad days, and that she'll play when we need her, where we need her, whether that's pitching, 1B, or outfield. I talk to all of the pitchers about the same things at practice, and we have fewer "private" conversations when the team is around. She seems a lot more relaxed about things, and plays a lot looser. Her giggle is much more apparent on the field. As a result, she's hitting and pitching a lot more consistently this spring. When we pitch together outside of team practice, there's time for specific tweaks and ideas, but even that is something I've been trying hard to take a more relaxed attitude toward.

Just remember, Slam, the experience for the coach's daughter is different from that of everyone else on the team. My advice is to do what you can to minimize the differences--she'll likely appreciate being treated more like everyone else.

 

[ifubuildit]

Mike,

Good comments.

Coach,

You made a comment about her pitching to her friends Vs new players that may have some relevance. Excuse me for asking so many questions but I am trying to gain some insight and its often hard on the internet. Has your daughter had any episodes with hitting players when pitching? Made one or more cry? Sometimes I see pitchers who pitch in fear of hitting a batter and they will start trying to guide the ball as you have stated you see with your daughter. Wondering if that is having an impact on her pitching from a mental perspective. Would not be the first time I have seen that in a pitcher.

Dana.