- May 11, 2009
- 279
- 0
Great post Dave!!
Mental help for the Coach's daughter. :)
- Thread starter SLAM96Coach
- Start date
Welcome to Discuss Fastpitch
Your FREE Account is waiting to the Best Softball Community on the Web.
- Sep 16, 2009
- 46
- 0
She doesn't like to hit people. For example, when I ask Mom to stand in during practice she will throw several balls way outside before getting it back under control. When she was younger, she definitely hit a bunch of kids and they cried, no doubt!
pitchers are tough to figure anyway...they are usually the most competitive (maybe only 2nd to the catchers) girls on the team and are very hard on themselves. i tell my dd i could care less if she pitches or not, but at least apply yourself to the best of your ability when you do pitch. i have found that they will do great in a controlled environment, but as soon as we're in a game situation, we go back to square one. so we play a rec schedule to give the pitchers more circle time. i think they get scared of hitting batters. a batter stepping into a hard inside fastball will feel pain for several days afterwards, and i think most girls dont want to hurt anyone.
slam - im in ur exact situation. i coach my dd's team. i just make it a point to treat her the same as the other girls (altho there are some perks to being the coaches kid). my dd appreciates that. but it is hard to turn off the "coach" and turn on "dad" sometimes.
slam - im in ur exact situation. i coach my dd's team. i just make it a point to treat her the same as the other girls (altho there are some perks to being the coaches kid). my dd appreciates that. but it is hard to turn off the "coach" and turn on "dad" sometimes.
- May 11, 2009
- 279
- 0
Dana,
That is a great point! My DD at age 9 absolutely smoked a girl who acted like it broke every bone in her body. Screaming, crying, rolling around on the ground. The other coach stared my DD down. It took my DD months to even get close to the inside of the plate after that. She simply did not want to hurt anyone. Some kids have a killer mentality and can blow those things off and some are more passive and those things really get into their heads. That does not mean they cannot be a good pitcher by any means!! But it will take time to get them through it or to figure out a way to work them through these issues in a timely manner. My DD has hit girls since then but we have taken the stance now that the batter has equal time to avoid the ball and it was not done on purpose, unless I gave her that special sign
Kidding. It has worked with my DD but every kid is a little different and I think that is why we do what we do. We embrace the challenge and like it. We want to help them succeed or none of us would be on this site. That is what is so neat about it!
That is a great point! My DD at age 9 absolutely smoked a girl who acted like it broke every bone in her body. Screaming, crying, rolling around on the ground. The other coach stared my DD down. It took my DD months to even get close to the inside of the plate after that. She simply did not want to hurt anyone. Some kids have a killer mentality and can blow those things off and some are more passive and those things really get into their heads. That does not mean they cannot be a good pitcher by any means!! But it will take time to get them through it or to figure out a way to work them through these issues in a timely manner. My DD has hit girls since then but we have taken the stance now that the batter has equal time to avoid the ball and it was not done on purpose, unless I gave her that special sign
Kidding. It has worked with my DD but every kid is a little different and I think that is why we do what we do. We embrace the challenge and like it. We want to help them succeed or none of us would be on this site. That is what is so neat about it!I had the same experience with DD. After several conversations we came to one very important decision, Dad stepped down as coach. DD was putting way too much pressure on herself to please dad, and with me in the dugout she never got a break. Once she began playing for another coach her results quickly improved. I now sit far away from the dugout and even i enjoy the games more. We discuss performance at the end of each day and we get along great(sometimes).
This is a seriously hot thread. The posts just keep coming.
One thing you can do with the hitting people thing is to get some of your players to come and stand in the box during her practice sessions. It's a win-win. The volunteer (or "victim," if you will) gets a chance to see a lot of pitches, and DD can work the inside with someone who has a better chance to get out of the way than a typical batter who might be swinging. I like to use DDs close friends when they'll come because if she can throw inside to them, she can throw inside to anybody. I, too, have seen pitchers quit pitching because of hit batters. DD has a good attitude about it--she knows she's not doing it on purpose, and she's a ball magnet, herself, so it's just part of the game to her.
One thing you can do with the hitting people thing is to get some of your players to come and stand in the box during her practice sessions. It's a win-win. The volunteer (or "victim," if you will) gets a chance to see a lot of pitches, and DD can work the inside with someone who has a better chance to get out of the way than a typical batter who might be swinging. I like to use DDs close friends when they'll come because if she can throw inside to them, she can throw inside to anybody. I, too, have seen pitchers quit pitching because of hit batters. DD has a good attitude about it--she knows she's not doing it on purpose, and she's a ball magnet, herself, so it's just part of the game to her.
I have a #4 pitcher that throws great in practice (14U) in games she is ok
until the first pitch thrown inside that the hitter steps out. She then throws
everything outside in the dirt until I pull her. She is deathly afraid of hitting batters.
My DD--if she hits one, its the batter's fault for not moving quick enough, she has ice in
her veins on the rubber and throws as hard or harder in games than practice. She is money
in the clutch.
I have seen plenty who try to 'aim' the pitch. They either are wild or get pounded. Your problem
is mental -not mechanical.
AS DAD/COACH you are in hell
until the first pitch thrown inside that the hitter steps out. She then throws
everything outside in the dirt until I pull her. She is deathly afraid of hitting batters.
My DD--if she hits one, its the batter's fault for not moving quick enough, she has ice in
her veins on the rubber and throws as hard or harder in games than practice. She is money
in the clutch.
I have seen plenty who try to 'aim' the pitch. They either are wild or get pounded. Your problem
is mental -not mechanical.
AS DAD/COACH you are in hell
- Sep 16, 2009
- 46
- 0
I do have girls stand in when she's warming up. Last night I used one of the coaches because we had the other girls doing drills out there. This definitely helps.
Here's an idea: Maybe I should just print this whole thread out and show it to her?
I'm very, very motivated to solve this because like I said, she pitches great indoors with her coach....if she solves this and can mentally pitch like she does with her coach, there's no way she's a 4....she has the potential to be the 2. The #1 is outta this world, so I'm not going to go there, but if she gets over this hump, it will be a big, big deal for her.
Here's an idea: Maybe I should just print this whole thread out and show it to her?
I'm very, very motivated to solve this because like I said, she pitches great indoors with her coach....if she solves this and can mentally pitch like she does with her coach, there's no way she's a 4....she has the potential to be the 2. The #1 is outta this world, so I'm not going to go there, but if she gets over this hump, it will be a big, big deal for her.
Last edited:
- May 11, 2009
- 279
- 0
If you stick with her and take some of the perceived pressure off of her that is really not even there you will be amazed where she will go. It worked for me. Just stand by her!! Both of you will be better for it not just her. It will help you as a coach in the long run because you will pick up on some things that other players may be experiencing as well.
There were some of our girls that were just afraid of the big fat guy (me). But once we got to having some fun together running drills and doing some off of the wall things at the end of practice they all loosened up and that too helps take pressure off the DD. If her friends like you as a coach and think you are a good coach and a good guy she will breath a sigh of relief as well. This can be accomplished and still have a successful program. Screaming at kids when they make mistakes wont solve much and we see it a lot at tourneys. For our kids they have always performed better if they are loose. If they are all tense trying to not make mistakes they will make mistakes. We have always told them to be themselves and make their own decisions. If they make a wrong choice we will discuss it as a group and learn from it. It has cost us from time to time but it has saved us more then it has cost us IMO. Screaming at the kids is simply not our style. I will get after them when they need it but every time I get after them about something I compliment them on something they did right as well. It has worked for me and I have gotten the respect of our players and most of our parents. You wont ever please all of the parents.
There were some of our girls that were just afraid of the big fat guy (me). But once we got to having some fun together running drills and doing some off of the wall things at the end of practice they all loosened up and that too helps take pressure off the DD. If her friends like you as a coach and think you are a good coach and a good guy she will breath a sigh of relief as well. This can be accomplished and still have a successful program. Screaming at kids when they make mistakes wont solve much and we see it a lot at tourneys. For our kids they have always performed better if they are loose. If they are all tense trying to not make mistakes they will make mistakes. We have always told them to be themselves and make their own decisions. If they make a wrong choice we will discuss it as a group and learn from it. It has cost us from time to time but it has saved us more then it has cost us IMO. Screaming at the kids is simply not our style. I will get after them when they need it but every time I get after them about something I compliment them on something they did right as well. It has worked for me and I have gotten the respect of our players and most of our parents. You wont ever please all of the parents.
- Oct 21, 2009
- 14
- 0
I also am the coach of a 14U team and my daughter is one of our pitchers. It can be both a rewarding and frustrating experience.......all in the same day. I saw this on another forum and it seemed to sum it all up pretty well.
----------------------------------------------
03/23/10 -
I used to hate when my dad picked apart my swing. He would tell me everything I was doing wrong and show me what I needed to do to make it right. He would say: ?I can see what you are doing, you can't.? The worst were the infamous ?car rides home.? On a bad day I would pray my parents drove separately, knowing I was in for one heck of a ride if it was just me and daddy.
When I was up to bat I could hear my dad?s voice above everyone else?s. It wasn?t that he was loud, I just knew his voice. He would ?inconspicuously? yell things like ?sit back? when he thought it was a change-up, or ?get a pitch? when I was approaching the plate.
I remember like yesterday the conversations we would have after my games. ?What pitches did she throw you? What were you thinking about?? Pitch by pitch we would go through my at bats, together. He would get mad at my mistakes, always expecting more of me. I would roll my eyes, not realizing he always wanted me to be my best.
We have a ?chapel? in our backyard. Otherwise known as a batting cage. That is where the hard work would be put in, together. Night after night, angry neighbor after angrier neighbor. Tee work, punching bags, front toss, machine work, long talks, tears, and laughs.
He coached my team until my Sophomore year of high school, but the real ?coaching? never stopped. He was my worst enemy, and my greatest fan.
It?s weird the transition that occurs between a father/coach and daughter/player. Yes, you are always daddy?s little girl, but you are also his little ?project.? Dads always want their daughters to be the best. However, a time exists in every father-daughter relationship when a father ?let?s go? in a sense...mine I can remember like it was yesterday.
My senior year of high school I had already signed my letter of intent to UCLA, and was growing up. Preparing to embark on some of the greatest times and challenges of my life, only high school softball season separated me from my diploma; from some sort of adulthood. It was my senior game at Esperanza that my dad showed up with a mini ice chest. I was so surprised. You see, although my dad loves me, he is in no terms a symbol of the word loving. I opened this ice chest and there laid beautiful pink flowers, hand cut and wrapped in foil, my favorite flavored gatorades, and a handwritten note. The first pitch of my first at bat I hit a towering homerun on a change-up. It was for him, they were always for him.
I left for college the fall of 2004. To this day, saying goodbye to by dad was one of the hardest moments of my life. What was I going to do without the daily acts of tough love? Who was going to ground me for my B- in Math? And, who was going to tell me everything that was wrong with my swing until I got it right? As much as I HATED these things, I thrived on them.
Here?s what I learned in college. Dad?s don?t change. Girls don?t change THAT much. And, a daughter will always need her daddy.
Now as I coach for a living I watch father-daughter dynamics and laugh; I reflect back on the days of my aggressive dad, the one who stressed on my 0-fer games, and I smile. As frustrating as it was when I was younger, as I?m sure it is for my students, I understand now, and one day they will too. My dad loves me, he wants the best for me. And, to be completely honest, I miss the criticism, it made me better. When I look at him wearing his UCLA softball shirt so pridefully, it brings a tear to my eye knowing without him I wouldn?t be the softball player or person I am today.
So, thank you dad. Thanks for the tears. Thanks for the frustrations. Thanks for the laughs. Thanks for the coaching. Thanks for the yelling. Thanks for the good days, and thanks for the bad. Thanks for teaching me that hard work pays off. And, thank you making me accountable for my actions. I love you.
----------------------------------------------
03/23/10 -
I used to hate when my dad picked apart my swing. He would tell me everything I was doing wrong and show me what I needed to do to make it right. He would say: ?I can see what you are doing, you can't.? The worst were the infamous ?car rides home.? On a bad day I would pray my parents drove separately, knowing I was in for one heck of a ride if it was just me and daddy.
When I was up to bat I could hear my dad?s voice above everyone else?s. It wasn?t that he was loud, I just knew his voice. He would ?inconspicuously? yell things like ?sit back? when he thought it was a change-up, or ?get a pitch? when I was approaching the plate.
I remember like yesterday the conversations we would have after my games. ?What pitches did she throw you? What were you thinking about?? Pitch by pitch we would go through my at bats, together. He would get mad at my mistakes, always expecting more of me. I would roll my eyes, not realizing he always wanted me to be my best.
We have a ?chapel? in our backyard. Otherwise known as a batting cage. That is where the hard work would be put in, together. Night after night, angry neighbor after angrier neighbor. Tee work, punching bags, front toss, machine work, long talks, tears, and laughs.
He coached my team until my Sophomore year of high school, but the real ?coaching? never stopped. He was my worst enemy, and my greatest fan.
It?s weird the transition that occurs between a father/coach and daughter/player. Yes, you are always daddy?s little girl, but you are also his little ?project.? Dads always want their daughters to be the best. However, a time exists in every father-daughter relationship when a father ?let?s go? in a sense...mine I can remember like it was yesterday.
My senior year of high school I had already signed my letter of intent to UCLA, and was growing up. Preparing to embark on some of the greatest times and challenges of my life, only high school softball season separated me from my diploma; from some sort of adulthood. It was my senior game at Esperanza that my dad showed up with a mini ice chest. I was so surprised. You see, although my dad loves me, he is in no terms a symbol of the word loving. I opened this ice chest and there laid beautiful pink flowers, hand cut and wrapped in foil, my favorite flavored gatorades, and a handwritten note. The first pitch of my first at bat I hit a towering homerun on a change-up. It was for him, they were always for him.
I left for college the fall of 2004. To this day, saying goodbye to by dad was one of the hardest moments of my life. What was I going to do without the daily acts of tough love? Who was going to ground me for my B- in Math? And, who was going to tell me everything that was wrong with my swing until I got it right? As much as I HATED these things, I thrived on them.
Here?s what I learned in college. Dad?s don?t change. Girls don?t change THAT much. And, a daughter will always need her daddy.
Now as I coach for a living I watch father-daughter dynamics and laugh; I reflect back on the days of my aggressive dad, the one who stressed on my 0-fer games, and I smile. As frustrating as it was when I was younger, as I?m sure it is for my students, I understand now, and one day they will too. My dad loves me, he wants the best for me. And, to be completely honest, I miss the criticism, it made me better. When I look at him wearing his UCLA softball shirt so pridefully, it brings a tear to my eye knowing without him I wouldn?t be the softball player or person I am today.
So, thank you dad. Thanks for the tears. Thanks for the frustrations. Thanks for the laughs. Thanks for the coaching. Thanks for the yelling. Thanks for the good days, and thanks for the bad. Thanks for teaching me that hard work pays off. And, thank you making me accountable for my actions. I love you.
