Mental help for the Coach's daughter. :)

[sluggers]

My DD was an all-conference D1 pitcher. Another of my DD's won an NCAA D3 championship in hoops.

When my DD was about your DD's age, her pitching coach--a guy who developed at least a hundred D1 athletes and three Olympians, told me something. I will share with you the greatest advice he ever gave me about pitching and athletics:

"You have to decide if you want to be a softball coach or if you want your DD to be a great pitcher. You can't have both at the same time. If she is going to be great, you have to take all that time and energy you are putting into coaching the team and put it into your DD. You aren't superhuman. You've only got so many hours to spend on softball. So, you are dividing up your time between the team and your DD--and your DD is getting short changed. She has the talent. You've got to get your priorities straight."

I didn't like it, but I did what he suggested. What happened? I started focusing on my DD's performance as a pitcher. Instead of sitting around for two hours trying to line up umpires, I was sitting on a bucket for two hours catching.

What you should be doing is helping your DD become so good that she gets all the playing time. But, you can't, because (a) you have morals and (b) you don't have the time right now to work with her.

Because you are coaching your DD, she is guaranteed X innings. The trouble is, no matter what she does, she will always pitch X innings, even if she gets better or gets worse. Why? Because you don't want to play favorites. You want to be "fair".

So, hang up the whistle for a few years and spend it making your DD the best she can be. As for this year, it is too late for you to quit. Hand over the decision about pitching to your assistant and don't get involved.

 

[Simo]

You guys posted before I got mine done. I too have never felt like one of those parents who ride my DD. But she felt that she needed to please me for some reason. Again I don't know if you have that going on at all but it is worth a talk with her. She sounds like a great kid that will if nothing else love to talk to you about it.

Again good Luck
Mike

Mike, I got your message, but could not reply because it says your mail exceeds its limits. You'll have to clean out your storage or send me an email address.

Regards,

Chris

 

[SoCalSoftballdad]

Someone posted on another thread, when your DD is a teenager, it might be a good idea to step aside and walk away from coaching her and her team and let someone else do it. Daughters especially want to please their parents and this point was made quite clear to me when I recently had a parent/teacher conference and the teacher said that my DD talks about softball all the time and my DD told her that "my parents are so proud of me" and that she wants to please US. As a parent, our perspective on youth sports might be different than our DDs experience and reason for playing the game.

 

[ifubuildit]

Slam

Ok a couple of suggestions. Showing her this thread wont hurt. Might open up the lines of communication with her even more about what she is feeling when she pitches to live batters in a game. One of the things I strive to teach all of my pitchers is to develop a pregame and on the mound routine. We do this in practice. This includes slowing them down and then speeding them up. You do not want the pitcher to throw at the same pace all the time fast or slow. Helps the batter get their timing better if they do that on the mound. We dont ever want to help the batter. Get her to develop a consistent routine that makes games seem like practice.

Whatever she does for her warm up at practice is what she should do for her warm up at games. ALWAYS. There are no shortcuts to the warmup process. When she walks out on the mound there is one pitch that MUST WORK. Her changeup. She has to be able to change speeds or its going to be a long day.

If she has a fear of hitting batters then I would tell her as I have told many of my pitchers that you know its not intentional and EVERY pitcher who ever threw a ball underhand has hit someone in this game with a ball. The other point is all of them survived to play another day. The friend she hit last week is still in the batters box this week. The only difference is she is now trying to knock you off that pitchers mound when she hits the ball. Just to return the favor. That is what hitters try to do to pitchers. But its never intentional and should never be out of revenge. Do not be afraid to pitch inside. The batter has the opportunity to move. If she doesnt then that is on her. That is your plate. I often tell my pitchers the following. I dont have nice pitchers. I want you to be aggressive. She is probably too nice if you understand what I am saying with that statement.

Good luck and keep me posted on her progress.

Dana.

 

[SLAM96Coach]

You all have been so helpful -- tremendous amount of insight. I'm going to show her this. I think it will help. Sluggers, I get what your saying...but I can't step away...then again, I don't think she's planning to be a college softball pitcher...basketball -- another story and I'm outta the picture there.

Absolutely fantastic stuff.

 

[mkral]

Sorry Simo I cleaned out my mail box.

 

[stephanie]

I have a rule of thumb...I am the head coach, and I coach everyone BUT my DD at the games. That's why I have an assistant coach. And she's not allowed to coach HER DD, that's MY job...and my other assistant? Yep, he can't say a word to HIS DD either...
Girls are finicky that way...
ANYONE else can give advice, or can loudly push them along, or correct them, but if it's the mom or dad DURING THE GAME...it makes them mad, and nervous, and anxious, and ultimately, no good to anyone.
Well, at least this applies to the DD's on MY team.

 

[Ade's Dad]

All good post . Exactly what sluggers said . My DD had a complex about hitting batters when she was 10u. Tried everything,only when I got her to realize pitching was her job and getting out of the way was the batters job,did she become confident with pitching.
note:Now her #1 pitch is a screw ball and she pities the girl that thinks she can hit it.

 

[coachdan]

Alot of good suggestions here. We have a pitchers that has a very simular problem. While warming up and pitching to a coach on the side she would be our #1 pitcher but when in a game she drops to our #3 pitcher. She struggles to find the strike zone. Here is what we did, during a pool game when outcome means nothing we started her and before going to the field we told her you are pitching this game no matter what. IF you walk 20 batters you are not coming out. When we told her this she pitched the best game of her life. I think removing the thought that "if I walk another batter they are going to pull me" help her throught he game. Many ways to handle this but this is what word for her.