Looking for Advice: DD doesn't want to play HS ball

[Sparky Guy]

Thanks again to you and everyone for your responses. I will share them with my DD and I'm sure she will feel more comfortable making her decision.

I wish your daughter well with having to deal with this. It is something no teenage girl should have to worry about with school and sports.

What did the coach do when all the pitchers left the team? Did she get confrontational with them after they left? Did she talk to them? Did she just ignore them? From what you describe this woman sounds like an egomaniac without the talent or knowledge to back it up.

Again, have a meeting as a group with the AD. Letters have no real impact. List the number of players who've left the team because of the coach. Give the list to the AD. Tell the AD to talk to these kids and ask them why? At some point the AD must be forced to realize he has a loose cannon on his hands. If the AD refuses to act then you need to move up the chain.

 

[Jim]

Just playing devil's advocate here, but what happens if her college coach wants her to do things in the game that she doesn't want to do?

Remember that there are girls that actually stay on this coaches teams and play for her. Why do they stay, and others go?

Just something to think about. I'm not saying she should play for a jerk and be miserable. And there is no excuse for verbal abuse, but she may get something out of sticking it out and finding a way to work with a person that she disagrees with... Happens all the time in life.

Not necessarily what I would do, just another angle to look at. Good luck.

 

[Greenmonsters]

Just playing devil's advocate here, but what happens if her college coach wants her to do things in the game that she doesn't want to do? Remember that there are girls that actually stay on this coaches teams and play for her. Why do they stay, and others go?

Just something to think about. I'm not saying she should play for a jerk and be miserable. And there is no excuse for verbal abuse, but she may get something out of sticking it out and finding a way to work with a person that she disagrees with... Happens all the time in life.

Not necessarily what I would do, just another angle to look at. Good luck.

1. You don't get to pick your HS coach. WRT college, a player should be choosing the school/coach as much as the school/coach is choosing them.

2. Despite doing your homework, you may find the college coach isn't as advertised or a new coach takes over. This is why its so important to make sure that the school is a good fit even if SB isn't in the picture.

2. Unlike a job/career, unless you've got an athletic scholarship, you are not forced to grin and bear it regardless of how idiotic your colleague/boss/coach is. IMO, when sports stop being fun, its time to walk away or find another option

 

[3sDad]

Given our experience with HS softball...and this is just my opinion, in our area...Your results may vary;-)....so if she doesnt want to play, I wouldnt encourage it...

If we had to play HS ball at the school we did last Spring, we would not play HS ball at all...period...
These are also my kids feelings, not just mine...
We hated even going to the park last Spring during school ball...absolutely wasted 3 hours a day..

 

[InTheCrowd]

What did the coach do when all the pitchers left the team? Did she get confrontational with them after they left? Did she talk to them? Did she just ignore them? From what you describe this woman sounds like an egomaniac without the talent or knowledge to back it

The coach did nothing. Just like pretended it didn't happen or count. She even made up excuses like the students needed to work on heir studies. Nobody bought it. I personally believe she uses coaching to compensate for a failed athletic career myself but that's really conjecture on my part.

She then put the pressure on the new freshman pitcher as if she should pitch as well as the senior pitcher who left. That freshman isn't even a pitcher on her travel team (she's an outfielder). I offered her encouragement several times because she ready to quit.

Wouldn't a better approach be to honestly tell the team that it was going to be a challenging season and focus on fundamentals and eliminating errors? It was terrible.

Thanks for the well wishes.

 

[InTheCrowd]

Just playing devil's advocate here, but what happens if her college coach wants her to do things in the game that she doesn't want to do?

Remember that there are girls that actually stay on this coaches teams and play for her. Why do they stay, and others go?

Just something to think about. I'm not saying she should play for a jerk and be miserable. And there is no excuse for verbal abuse, but she may get something out of sticking it out and finding a way to work with a person that she disagrees with... Happens all the time in life.

Not necessarily what I would do, just another angle to look at. Good luck.

My DD and I talked about what she could focus on if she plays like leadership skills for example. So, it hasn't been a rash decision. I told her if she didn't, then she needed to come up with a plan to compensate for missing that time on he field. And she is doing that. So far, every college coach we have talked with hasn't really cared about he high school experience. They just asked if she's playing and if not why. One coach told us that the number of kids not playing HS ball has been steadily rising in our region. She attributed that to TB and poor HS coaches (no offense to anyone). My older daughter got recruited by a D1 school and he didn't play for her high school (different school) at all. Some of the TB organizations, the real elite ones, in the area encourage their kids not to play for their HS due to inferior coaching.

The funny thing to me is I would expect the athletically challenged kids would quit for obvious reasons but it's not the case. The TB kids, athletically talented kids are the ones leaving. I'm guessing because of their experience, exposure to more coaches and styles, more knowledge and such, that they can evaluate a good and bad coach and a good or bad situation. They know they have options and don't have to subject themselves to an abusive coach. So they walk.

I'm rambling but here's my take. The laws of physics also apply to the ynamics of human relationships. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. If the coach (in his case) is going to be abusive and disrespectful, then the players will equally respond with the same. In this case, the kids express it in a way that is safe for them. They talk nasty about the coach behind her back. They rediscover her to each other. They underperform on he field. They don't invest emotionally into the game. They walk away or "cut" the coach. And it works the opposite way as well. For a coach who invest in he kids by teaching fundamentals, provides encouragement, keeps it fun and positive, the kids will respond accordingly. I have seen kids that had chemistry and fun, liked playing for he coach, excell beyond what people thought possible. But the reaction is there and this coach just doesn't even think about the girls.

Off my soapbox...

 

[InTheCrowd]

1. You don't get to pick your HS coach. WRT college, a player should be choosing the school/coach as much as the school/coach is choosing them.

2. Despite doing your homework, you may find the college coach isn't as advertised or a new coach takes over. This is why its so important to make sure that the school is a good fit even if SB isn't in the picture.

2. Unlike a job/career, unless you've got an athletic scholarship, you are not forced to grin and bear it regardless of how idiotic your colleague/boss/coach is. IMO, when sports stop being fun, its time to walk away or find another option

Greenmonster, I agree whole heartedly. School is the priority and DD does exactly that. When we look at colleges, we are looking for the right fit. First is the academic program. Next is the school attributes (campus, location, etc.). Then is softball. Even though her catching coach and other coaches believe she can play at the D1 level, DD wants no part of a D1 program. As she puts it, she doesn't want to be "owned". Our search has been primarily D3 and NAIA schools and we have found some great schools.

We're still looking but she has a school she really likes. I told her she needs a second and third choice just in case the first one doesn't pan out.

Thanks again.

 

[Ivy's Dad]

If your DD decides not to play for the HS coach and will not have that coach as a teacher, I would recommend that your DD write a letter to the coach and send a copy to the athletic director explaining why she will no longer be playing for the team. If enough players do this, eventually (hopefully) the coach will either change or be removed.