Looking for Advice: DD doesn't want to play HS ball

[InTheCrowd]

Im looking for some advice. My DD is a junior in high school and a very good player. She's won all kinds of accolades over the years for her play. She wants to play in college and we've been visiting schools since her freshman year. She even has some well-known smaller colleges chasing her. Great kid. Good attitude. Competitive. Great grasp of the game. She's a catcher and told to us to be one of the best blocking catcher people have seen for a long time in our area.

But, she doesn't want to play for her HS because of the coach. The coach is young and on a power trip. She employs tactics like demeaning the kids, insulting them, belittling them. Talent literally walks away every year from the program because kids do not want to play for her. They are tired of the disrespect and verbal abuse. The kids don't stop playing the sport, they just stop playing for this particular coach. And it appears my DD is going to be one of them.

This coach has been particularly difficult with my DD. my DD has been getting catching lessons since 12u from a coach that spent 4 years catching in college at the D2 level. The catching coach has been amazing with what she has taught my DD and I discovered by helping at these lessons what a real catcher has to do behind that plate. I am amazed at all the things she has to process and decide on in a matter of seconds.

When my DD started at the high school, the first thing this coach wanted to do was change all of her catching mechanics without even having any kind of dialog of what, why, or how. It started with that and has progressively gotten worse. Oh yeah, and the HS coach even admitted to not knowing much about the catching position. We resisted to the point where a meeting was necessary but since then it has been a constant disrespect and verbal abuse.

So now, she wants to develop her own training program with some private instruction to fill in for the high school season. She still plays TB and that team will be practicing all winter.

I'm torn to be honest. I'd like to she her play for her school but the coach really is a bad coach. HS ball around here doesn't mean a whole bunch, TB is definitely king. I don't know, looking for some wisdom...

 

[CoogansBluff]

Let your daughter make the decision and don't give it another thought, IMO.

 

[Eugene Stryke]

This is totally out of my realm of experience and knowledge but why not see if you can get her play and use it as a learning experience? She doesn't have to change her techniques other coaches have taught her. She can still learn by experience if nothing else. Is there a pitcher on the team she likes catching? I would think there is something she could gain from the experience. Just my 2 cents.

 

[InsidePitch]

I am not Dr Phil but its a game that is supposed to be enjoyable. No one's life depends on it and no one is going to go hungry if she doesn't do it. In fact she will probably do better in school and college not doing it. So keep it in perspective.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

Take it as a positive. HS girls do not need HS ball to get recruited by a college. Try to get her to run track.

If girls would refuse to play for this coach, the administration might get the message.

 

[Greenmonsters]

If its not fun, why should she waste her time? Sounds like she's got a good plan, too bad the HS coach is a dolt.

 

[Sparky Guy]

When my DD started at the high school, the first thing this coach wanted to do was change all of her catching mechanics without even having any kind of dialog of what, why, or how.

I can't say that I have any experience with a bad HS coach. My DD had a tough HS coach, but she knew what she was doing. What I can relate to is what happened to bring her to my DD's HS. The coach before was supposed to be this "Great" coach from another part of the state.

She coached for one year. During that time she tried to change the pitching mechanics of a pitcher who had a full ride to Stanford amongst a whole list other things. Every player on the team played travel ball for very high level programs. These kids knew how to play ball.

For the first time in over 15 years the team did not make it beyond the first game in the post season. She was demeaning and the players on the team hated her. After the season was over a group of parents of returning players met with the AD. They basically told him if he wanted a competitive softball team next season the coach needed to go. Fortunately, the AD was smart enough to figure out he had a real problem on his hands. I think the coach also heard the comments as well and decided to not return.

The very first year my DD's coach took the varsity program and won the state title with it the next season with no seniors on the team after a school split.

Not sure if you have an AD who really cares about the girls sports in your school. But if you do there needs to be a group of parents ask for a meeting with the AD. You need to address very specific issues with him and what the players feel about the coach and why they don't want to return to the team. The meeting can not be confrontational at all. It's best to have one spokesperson doing the talking.

If you go in there as one parent all you are is a whiner.

You know there is going to be some type of confrontation with the coach if you daughter decides not play next season. Your daughter needs to have a response to the coach when she asks why.

Your problem is not unique. Softball is in the spring here. In my area there are some schools whose softball programs are an absolute joke. What some players have done is to not play in HS but rather come together and play tournaments in states who have a fall HS season. That may be one option to pursue.

 

[coachtucc]

what a shame...when someome tells me thta she is taking lessons from a former college catcher or any kind of lessons, I ask for the coaches phone number so I can stay in tune with what she is doing!!

 

[Ken Krause]

Neither of my daughters had interest in playing in college, but both passed on playing for the same coach their senior years (eight years apart). Neither regrets the decision to this day.

It was unfortunate for me because I enjoyed watching them play as a fan instead of a coach. But it was their lives, not mine.

 

[Duane]

My family has just gone through a similar situation. Both of my daughters played this last TB season 16u nationals in TN. They both decided this was going to be their last hurrah and decided against playing for the high school coach. The team has done quite well winning their division the last couple of years but the coaches style is more aggressive; not rude, just different. My wife and I decided to leave the decision up to them. Neither wants to play ball in college but they do enjoy being with the team. After taking a couple months off they've decided they do want to play. We've had a meeting with the coach and they expressed their concerns and she has at least heard their concerns. So far it all seems to have worked out quite well. We'll see what happens when the season starts.

I would definitely suggest letting your daughter make the decision as to whether she plays or not. It can be tough for us as parents because we see the talent in our daughters, we know the love they have for the game, and we recognize the time they have put into honing their skills. In the end we have to realize they are the ones who are going to be spending the time practicing with their coach.