I had to be stern with her, now I feel like crap

[WB Coach]

I manage 11/12 major girls softball. So at practice today one of my girls is complaining. She needs a tissue. Then her nose is bleeding, maybe. Then the ball hit her wrist and it really hurts. Then I turn around and she's laying on the ground like she's just taking a break. "Get up," I says. "I can't! I can't feel my knee!" So I run over there and ask her to roll up the pants leg. A little red. She was sliding wrong and probably banged up the knee a bit. "It hurts!" "I thought you said you can't feel your knee? You gonna be okay?" "I guess."

I go back to the practice. "She's crying," a teammate says. I go over there again. "Can you stand on it?" "No, I don't think so." Okay, so I help her over to the dugout and ice up her knee and have a teammate sit with her while I call her mom. "You need to come get your daughter. She's hurt her knee, but I don't think it's serious." Now I'm pissed. This one complains all the time about these supposed injuries. Nobody can get hurt that often. So when Mom gets there I call the girl over to where Mom is and I give both of them the speech about "crying wolf" and all that. I state that the player often complains about little injuries and I'm unsure which are serious and which aren't. I also explain that this behavior is not accepted on her school team and it won't be accepted here. Mom doesn't say a word, daughter is quiet. I then say, "I still love ya, though! See you at the game tomorrow." And they leave.

Now I'm home and I feel like crap about it. I'm relatively new at managing (managed fall ball last year) and I'm a nice guy so it hurts to have to be stern like this. Got knots in my stomach. This girl is really good on the field and I've asst. coached her for a few years now so we know each other. She's got a rocket for an arm and is my first batter in the lineup and I really like her. Did I handle this right? Should I just accept this as part of managing and move on? Or was there a better way and should I have cut her more slack? As you can see, I over-analyze the crap outta stuff sometimes.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

Yes. You handled it right. Now, telephone the mom or dad and ask if she is OK and will she be at the next game? She needs extra attention and we don't know why, but you may be able to help her.

 

[InsidePitch]

Sounds like you left it positive in the end but the next game ought to tell you. Is she warming up and happy or is her dad there. Good luck, sounds about how I would have handled it.

 

[WB Coach]

Yes. You handled it right. Now, telephone the mom or dad and ask if she is OK and will she be at the next game? She needs extra attention and we don't know why, but you may be able to help her.

Thanks. I texted her and the girl's okay and is not upset. She will be at the game. The mom texted that she understood and appreciated the talk I had with them but that next time maybe I should go to her (the mom) first. I re-texted that I was not a fan of going through the parents unless there was an injury or serious problem involved, and that it was a good talk and we should look forward to tomorrow's game. She agreed. It should be noted that this particular mom had approached me a week ago to tell me her daughter didn't like playing 3B. I kind of let her get away with it but had a chat with the girls after a practice reinforcing the coach/player relationship and how they can come to us with any questions or concerns, that we expect that communication from them, not through their parents.

This managing thing is tricky, but is certainly a learning experience.

 

[InsidePitch]

I disagree about expecting an 11 or 12 year old to tell you things they perceive as weak or bad. Some kids by 13 or 14.

 

[Jr10234]

I agree with Inside, 11-12 is a little young to be expected to handle all the talks with coach, and at 13-14 it is more likely to be expected. Also, some kids experience more growing pains than others, my dd took a lot of hits and hand some broken bones along the way (in the most unimpressive situations). Cut her a little slack, they're still young.

 

[WB Coach]

I agree with Inside, 11-12 is a little young to be expected to handle all the talks with coach, and at 13-14 it is more likely to be expected. Also, some kids experience more growing pains than others, my dd took a lot of hits and hand some broken bones along the way (in the most unimpressive situations). Cut her a little slack, they're still young.

Never thought about the growing pains aspect, interesting. As for the team, they're mostly 12 and 13 y/o so I believe they can handle the talks. Although I will check myself from now on to make sure my expectations aren't too high. Like I said, I am new to managing and I appreciate the advice. Funny thing is my DD says I'm too easy on the players. She thinks I should be much stricter and yell some more. She was the last person I expected to say something like that!

 

[Jr10234]

I applaud you for stepping up to coach, it's a learning process for sure,and I've probably done the same thing as you.

 

[coach james]

You did the right thing... just a guess, but I'd bet that her parents are separated and her dad isn't in her life much.... she sounds attention starved or is looking for your constant approval. Have your dd invite her to a sleep over and you could take them to a movie and a burger, while at the burger place you could talk to them about game strategy etc. Then at the next practice she'll be wanting to show you how she had listened, instead of the injury bit...

 

[WB Coach]

You did the right thing... just a guess, but I'd bet that her parents are separated and her dad isn't in her life much.... she sounds attention starved or is looking for your constant approval. Have your dd invite her to a sleep over and you could take them to a movie and a burger, while at the burger place you could talk to them about game strategy etc. Then at the next practice she'll be wanting to show you how she had listened, instead of the injury bit...

Actually, her parents are together and her dad is one of my asst. coaches. My DD did have her over for a play date once but that was only once. She said she was a little immature for her. I will agree that talking softball with her is a good idea.