Handling the team bully

[Thor]

Hi all -

I do some rec coaching for a couple of different age groups locally. I serve as head coach for a 7-8 yo team (Pinto), and assist on what I guess would be 11-14 year olds (Bronco). I've coached a number of seasons, and have never been as aggravated by a situation as I am now with a player on this older team.

The girl is quite obviously the team bully. Most everyone is clearly intimidated by her. At practice, if she misses a ball she'll have a random player go get it for her. When throwing to any player, she fires the ball like she's throwing from outfield to home. She has thrown from a full windup, hitting a player not even facing her - much less expecting a throw. At a game last night, on warming up between innings she threw from 1st to the area behind the 3rd base dugout - to no one, but obviously trying for near misses. One time almost hitting me, once almost taking out the head coach, and again almost getting the opposing team's coach.

So far, I've been the only one to speak up about this. When she struck the other player, and told me that's just how she threw - I sat her out of practice. I explained to her that I would not tolerate anyone intentionally trying to hurt any of my players - her included. This episode just seemed to make her more smug, and definitely didn't make her calm things down for the next game. As I said, I'm assisting. I don't make the lineup or she'd be benched, or at best be in the outfield where she can put her arm to good use. (She typically starts 1st base)

If a ball is hit even remotely into her area, she gives everything to get to it. If it's thrown to her by another player, she won't stretch an arm to make the play - and she'll chew out whoever made less than a perfect throw. She constantly picks at and corrects everything done by all other players. You can tell a few others try to follow her and do this too - I guess trying to get higher into the pecking order.

We're a winning team, and she's a skillful player - but not the sole reason for our success by a long shot. We have several experienced, hard working players - along with a few first-timers. If this keeps up, I can't see how we'll get through the season without her injuring someone physically, or causing a player to give up ball because it's just not worth it. (Maybe even a coach)

Like I said - all coaches see and acknowledge that there is a problem, but I seem to be the only one who thinks something should be said or done. When the kid is not bullying, she can be bright, funny, and show real spirit - like in the dugout. I really don't want to see it escalate to a point where the school system takes notice and it would effect her opportunities in HS ball. But then again - the kid has already been kicked out of a local child care program - and is proud to tell anyone about it. I wonder if getting booted here would be another star in her crown.

It's pretty obvious that the head coach wants to avoid any conflict, and really doesn't want his kid to be the victim of retaliation - but I really don't want to explain to a parent about how their player got hurt, and know that I saw it coming and did nothing.

Sorry for the long post. This may be a very common situation that y'all may see each and every season - but for me, I've never faced a situation as blatant and felt as helpless to do anything about it.

Thanks for any tips or suggestions you can throw out.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

Thor, You are right. I think that I have this girl in pitching lessons. (I know that it can't be.) But, I have a problem similar to yours.

No way would I have let my DD play on a team with a girl like the one that you describe. The head coach has to have some responsibility for the other players.

 

[abbygale]

Keep going BOB (butt on bench) over and over and over and over and over. At some point she will have to make a decision. You know what you are doing is correct.

 

[Lozza]

She sounds like a nasty witch. If the head coach isn't going to do anything there's not a lot you can do.

But for the record if I was the head coach this is what I would do.

1. She orders a player to get a ball for her. She gets the ball and then has to sprint to tree/fence/pole
2. She injures a player she is immeaditly sat down for a 10 min time out. Directly behind the fence with no-one else allowed near her.
3. Second time she does this in the same practise she is sent home.
4. If she is sent home she is benched for half the game. She plays right field. Then left field. Then right field again. As much as I hate 'punishing' a player with outfield she needs to be put where she'll do the least damage for the rest of the team. At that age it's outfield.
5. If she needs to be sent home twice, parent meeting.

 

[SnocatzDad]

This isn't a problem that can be solved by walking around with a pocket full of jolly ranchers or making a kid take laps around the field. I would suggest addressing the specific things your unhappy with immediately when they happen. For example

If she's playing first base and doesn't want to move to catch a ball then stop play and swap her to the bench (or if mandatory playing time necessary) to a spot in the outfield and let her know that a 1B needs to make an effort to catch the ball and if she can't then she won't be playing 1B. Also let her know that the next time she does play 1B it will be her opportunity to show you she can make an effort to catch throws that are off.

If she starts chewing on another player, stop her and bench her or give her a coaches shirt and let her stand in the dugout and tell her she's got a choice to be either a coach or a player but she can't be both.

Basically take control of the situation. If there are adults coaching the team afraid (or reluctant) to be in conflict with a child then they need to step aside and let someone with some backbone coach. Only one bully allowable on the team and that is the head coach.

 

[SoftSocDad]

Hi all -

I do some rec coaching for a couple of different age groups locally. I serve as head coach for a 7-8 yo team (Pinto), and assist on what I guess would be 11-14 year olds (Bronco). I've coached a number of seasons, and have never been as aggravated by a situation as I am now with a player on this older team.

The girl is quite obviously the team bully. Most everyone is clearly intimidated by her. At practice, if she misses a ball she'll have a random player go get it for her. When throwing to any player, she fires the ball like she's throwing from outfield to home. She has thrown from a full windup, hitting a player not even facing her - much less expecting a throw. At a game last night, on warming up between innings she threw from 1st to the area behind the 3rd base dugout - to no one, but obviously trying for near misses. One time almost hitting me, once almost taking out the head coach, and again almost getting the opposing team's coach.

So far, I've been the only one to speak up about this. When she struck the other player, and told me that's just how she threw - I sat her out of practice. I explained to her that I would not tolerate anyone intentionally trying to hurt any of my players - her included. This episode just seemed to make her more smug, and definitely didn't make her calm things down for the next game. As I said, I'm assisting. I don't make the lineup or she'd be benched, or at best be in the outfield where she can put her arm to good use. (She typically starts 1st base)

If a ball is hit even remotely into her area, she gives everything to get to it. If it's thrown to her by another player, she won't stretch an arm to make the play - and she'll chew out whoever made less than a perfect throw. She constantly picks at and corrects everything done by all other players. You can tell a few others try to follow her and do this too - I guess trying to get higher into the pecking order.

We're a winning team, and she's a skillful player - but not the sole reason for our success by a long shot. We have several experienced, hard working players - along with a few first-timers. If this keeps up, I can't see how we'll get through the season without her injuring someone physically, or causing a player to give up ball because it's just not worth it. (Maybe even a coach)

Like I said - all coaches see and acknowledge that there is a problem, but I seem to be the only one who thinks something should be said or done. When the kid is not bullying, she can be bright, funny, and show real spirit - like in the dugout. I really don't want to see it escalate to a point where the school system takes notice and it would effect her opportunities in HS ball. But then again - the kid has already been kicked out of a local child care program - and is proud to tell anyone about it. I wonder if getting booted here would be another star in her crown.

It's pretty obvious that the head coach wants to avoid any conflict, and really doesn't want his kid to be the victim of retaliation - but I really don't want to explain to a parent about how their player got hurt, and know that I saw it coming and did nothing.

Sorry for the long post. This may be a very common situation that y'all may see each and every season - but for me, I've never faced a situation as blatant and felt as helpless to do anything about it.

Thanks for any tips or suggestions you can throw out.

I am not an attorney, but I am a father and homeowner and I would not put my family's financial well-being at risk by failing to address a dangerous situation that the adults in charge have acknowledged does exist.

No one wants to see a child get hurt, but if heaven forbid, someone does get hurt with a ball that was intended to hit someone while they weren't looking, other parents will likely come forward and argue that the coaching staff were negligent in enforcing reasonable safety practices. Accidents happen, but you're being negligent and that girl's parents would not be the only ones being sued. You coaches really need to envision the worst possible scenario - kid gets hurt and you get bankrupted - and then govern yourselves accordingly.

Is fear of conflict with a teenage idiot with behavioral issues really worth risking your family's financial well-being?

 

[BB875]

This rec organization must have a board of directors. I would put all of your thouhgt down in writing and tell the head coach you are taking this issue to the board for discipline. No child should be bullied and if the coaching staff is aware of the problem and ignoring it, you are opening the door for a huge liability. This kid should be put on notice (through the parents) and is subject to the discipline as outlined by the board.

Why ruin a good season of fun with this BS???

 

[SoftSocDad]

This rec organization must have a board of directors. I would put all of your thouhgt down in writing and tell the head coach you are taking this issue to the board for discipline. No child should be bullied and if the coaching staff is aware of the problem and ignoring it, you are opening the door for a huge liability. This kid should be put on notice (through the parents) and is subject to the discipline as outlined by the board.

Why ruin a good season of fun with this BS???

They should notify the parents in advance, but the coaches should speak directly to the child with the parents present. The parents should reinforce the message at home, but there needs to be a sit-down meeting with the child present so that she understands she is not calling the shots here.

 

[SoCalASABlue]

(1) If the head coach's main concern is that he/she doesn't want DD to be subject to retaliation from the bully, he/she has no business being put in charge of a team.
(2) You have not said anything about the girl's parents...have they been told about the situation? What did they say or do about it? if the parents don't see a problem or get extremely defensive and aggressive toward you, you definitely need to get away from that team ASAP - because bullying can be a warning sign of abuse at home - no one wants to admit it but it is true.
(3) If the coaching staff is aware of this and doesn't want to do anything about, you need to get away from that team as quickly as possible because when the inevitable happens, those cowards will throw you under the bus in record time; in addition, if you decide to stop coaching the team, you should send a certified letter to the board explaining the situation and why you're not coaching that team any longer so you are covered when the inevitable happens.

Unless you're willing to go over everyone's head (Board, parents, fellow coaches), put away your Superman cape and protect yourself and your family from liability.

 

[SoftSocDad]

(1) If the head coach's main concern is that he/she doesn't want DD to be subject to retaliation from the bully, he/she has no business being put in charge of a team.
(2) You have not said anything about the girl's parents...have they been told about the situation? What did they say or do about it? if the parents don't see a problem or get extremely defensive and aggressive toward you, you definitely need to get away from that team ASAP - because bullying can be a warning sign of abuse at home - no one wants to admit it but it is true.
(3) If the coaching staff is aware of this and doesn't want to do anything about, you need to get away from that team as quickly as possible because when the inevitable happens, those cowards will throw you under the bus in record time; in addition, if you decide to stop coaching the team, you should send a certified letter to the board explaining the situation and why you're not coaching that team any longer so you are covered when the inevitable happens.

Unless you're willing to go over everyone's head (Board, parents, fellow coaches), put away your Superman cape and protect yourself and your family from liability.

Excellent post. While some bullies are abused at home, others are actually bully their parents around, too. But like you said, there's no way I'm taking on the liability or leaving my own child in harm's way for another adult's cowardice in dealing with a teenage bully.