...feeling burnt out?? Would like dad help on this one.

[Cagman]

This is then downside of youth sports today. A pro baseball scout told me that if your kids are still playing by age 13, then congrats, you beat the odds. Most burn out before that.

It’s very normal to want to do things that aren’t related to softball. I have friends that have sons or daughters that seem to do nothing but play baseball or softball. I feel bad for them.

Have a talk with your dad. As a dad, it’s been a great joy to spend time with my daughter playing a sport that I grew up playing. It’s sometimes hard for dad’s to be involved in their daughters life with regards to non-sports activities. But you will both survive.

If you don’t enjoy playing, then take some time off. You might find after taking a year off, you will miss it and come back even stronger.

 

[HasBeenorNeverWas]

I have been playing VERY COMPETITIVE softball since I was around 8. Now I am a teenager and I am kind of feeling burnt out of the sport. My parents have spent thousands of dollars traveling to long distance tournaments and getting lessons, etc., and if I quit now, I'd feel really guilty. Also, my dad and I don't spend much time together other than softball. I'm worried about our relationship, if he might get mad, or if it might just go off the rails or something. My dad is also just as obsessed with softball as I was before I started feeling this way. He has literally never missed one of my games. Ever. He has cancelled plans, meetings, etc. I just want some wisdom, or advice from some softball dads I guess. How would you feel in this situation?? Or like just opinions on getting burnt out? Maybe its just quarantine, but I really am losing the passion I once had for this sport. Let me know please <3

I haven't read through all the comments on this, so I'm not sure what everyone else has said. But, from a "has been" perspective I'll tell you this:

I was a pretty talented athlete....regardless of what sport it was, most things came very easy for me whether it was PE football, basketball, or softball. I'm not saying I was going to be a freshman starter for OK or anything, but definitely could have played for a lesser known D1 or D2 school.

I walked away from softball (for all the wrong reasons) and it is absolutely the single biggest regret I have in my entire life. I always wonder what could have been and where it would have brought me. Who I would have met along the way. What incredible experiences I would have had. The opportunities that I've missed by not seeing it through.........it feels like a 30 year broken heart. I absolutely love my life. But feel like I missed out on a huge portion of it. I feel like God handed me this beautiful gift and I just stood up and said "Thanks...but no thanks....."

I know its hard to see the future and its easy to want to grow up and move on...i totally get it and I was there. Maybe you can scale softball back some. Get some time to do other things. It is a big commitment sure, but maybe you could try to balance it a little differently to give you some extra time off.

Best of luck in your decision. ❤❤❤

 

[Jason Saposnek]

It sounds like you have a similar relationship with your Dad as my daughter and I have. My daughter started playing when she was 7 her coach was terrible and let people know he hated coaching so I started coaching later that year. She is now almost 16 and we have been inseparable for the past 8 years. Before the COVID lock-down, with the high school season getting up to speed, she was 'softballing' 7 days a week with high school ball all week, travel practice Saturday and pitching practice Sunday. All that stopped March 13, 2020. She was OK without softball for the first week couple of weeks and treated it like a winter break but the passion was fading. After 10 weeks, she wasn't sure if she wanted to continue playing softball and I told her I understood. I asked her to finish out the travel ball season, if we had a season, and she said she would. Practice resumed three weeks ago, we played 6 games over the weekend and she's very happy to be back and playing softball. So my "Dadvice" is... give softball a second chance and see if the passion returns.

 

[santafe]

“When you truly love what you do, the word burnout never existed.” Uh-huh...seems impossible, right? The athlete who has never experienced a platue is the althlete who can find the tiniest aspect of their sport a fascinating and engaging nuance.

”Boredom is just a lack of interest in something.” This tidbit seems difficult to refute.

”Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.” Who knows??? But please make a connection between the two.


In reality, my DD is traveling your same path with softball. So...months before each season of each different team, I ask if she wants to play softball, to which she replies, “no”, only to change her mind months later (which adds $50-$75 to the reg. fee), because her friends will be playing. You know, she plays for the social aspect the sport. Of course, she really enjoys softball when the ball behaves; however, it’s the worst day ever when the fickle ball goes awry, lol.

Also, the really good pitching and batting coaches will recognize who is and who isn’t serious/excited about progressing. Hypothetically, you have to comtemplate the situation: $1000’s could be spent on lessons, but she doesn‘t self motivate to practice. What does that indicate? lol


So if you’re not off the rails, no looking back obsessed with your sport, yeah...tell your dad sooner than later.

 

[tamss13]

Thanks for the message and encouragement. My whole high school program is very corrupt, the girls are mean, its political, and overall just always and awful experience. I only do it so I can practice for serious travel ball, and the thing was, this past high school season, I hinted several times to my dad how I really didn't want to play HS ball. Its pretty miserable, but he persisted in me playing and said I had to in order to stay in shape. We didn't end up playing anyway, which was cool, but yeah. Again thank you for the response.

My daughter is 26 now and she had the same issue......she didn't like her HS team and all the fighting took the fun out the game and it effected her travel experience. Like one person typed your Dad will love you no matter what.....but keep in mind once you quit there is no going back. What my daughter did was quit high school softball and she moved to a travel team that had girls she enjoyed being around. I taught it was crazy when she did it, but it turned out be the best thing for her. She still talks about the fun she had the summer going into her Senior year then the girls played a summer heading off to college tour that was her and me taking pictures and just having fun.........just sit with your dad and as my daughter said "Dad can I tell you something" my reply sure....she would say "can I tell you something you will not like" now I was worried but I said yes and I will not talk until you are done.......she told me.....gave me that crazy plan......I was impress with how grown she was at that moment.......

 

[Shiloh]

Thought 1:
For any extra-cirricular activity, once or twice a season I look sideways and ask my DD/DS if they really want to go to the practice/game/scrimmage/tourney because “I just don’t feel like driving you there today”. The response tells me what I need to know about their mental state and passion at that point in time. I’ve found that it’s a useful, low-key way to check in with DD/DS, and possibly begin a conversation.

Thought 2:
It sounds like the relationship between the OP and her dad revolves almost solely around softball, which is unfortunate. At 16, her recent lack of motivation to play might not reflect her attitude towards the sport but instead be an attempt at changing her relationship with her dad.

Ownership of a family’s relationship with softball belongs to the player, not the parents.

Softball girl, might trying to find other ways to engage with your dad relieve some of the pressure around softball and bring some joy back into the game for you? How would you feel if your dad didn’t attend the next few games? Would it change the way you felt about getting out in the field?

 

[GoGamecocks]

It would be difficult for me to add anything of substance that hasn't already been said. My only suggestion is maybe you should ask your dad to read through this entire thread. It gives an in-depth glimpse into your thinking and makes it very clear that you obviously love him very much and cherish your softball time together.

I often worry about whether my daughter is really driven to play softball (she's doing high-level 16U travel ball now, too) for herself or because her mother and I are holding all of those doors open for her.

 

[Stormtrooper]

I have been playing VERY COMPETITIVE softball since I was around 8. Now I am a teenager and I am kind of feeling burnt out of the sport. My parents have spent thousands of dollars traveling to long distance tournaments and getting lessons, etc., and if I quit now, I'd feel really guilty. Also, my dad and I don't spend much time together other than softball. I'm worried about our relationship, if he might get mad, or if it might just go off the rails or something. My dad is also just as obsessed with softball as I was before I started feeling this way. He has literally never missed one of my games. Ever. He has cancelled plans, meetings, etc. I just want some wisdom, or advice from some softball dads I guess. How would you feel in this situation?? Or like just opinions on getting burnt out? Maybe its just quarantine, but I really am losing the passion I once had for this sport. Let me know please <3

My daughter went through the exact same thing. She didn't want to tell us so instead she became withdrawn. When something starts to affect your happiness, it's time to take a good hard look at it.

This is not your dads journey, this is yours to navigate. He is there to provide guidance but ultimately, you being healthy both emotionally and physically is what matters when it all comes down to it. Spending time and money traveling and equipment, that's part of a parents job, don't let that sway your decision. Kids are expensive, all of this comes with the territory of being a parent. We signed up for this! : )

If you need a break or just want to walk away, I won't lie, he will be upset so be understanding to that aspect. The flip side to that is he will get over it. You didn't lose passion overnight, he won't get over it overnight but trust me, he will because humans are built for resiliency and he just loves you, I'm sure. Judging by how articulate you sound, you are a smart young lady, he is proud of you beyond softball, I guarantee that.

Maybe you'll decide you miss it, maybe you'll find it was the right choice but don't pressure yourself into resolving that.

 

[JumboJack]

My 0.02. I sound like your dad in that I love supporting and watching my DD play TB (and my other DD play club soccer).

BUT...

My number one thing is to see them happy. If either of them was truly unhappy and did not enjoy playing anymore and decided not to continue I would support their decision.

 

[Renntiger]

Interesting thread! The OP is obviously a very mature and thoughtful young lady, and will probably do well regardless of how she chooses to proceed.

I can't help but to notice there is almost no mention of the mom in this discussion, whose input could be just as valuable, perhaps necessary even. Softball is treated as a father and daughter experience by many of us because we make better training partners than our better halves, but this particular topic is not really specific to softball, and could benefit from an honest exchange involving both parents.

I last visited this forum eight years ago, when my DD was struggling to regain her form after her ACL surgery. She is now in med school, having played four years at a D3 college (lots of work, tons of time commitment, countless physical challenges and emotional distress, zero money). If only we had a penny for every time she felt like giving up . . .

As it were, she stuck with it until her last at bat two years ago, and takes justifiable pride in having done that on her own terms, often AGAINST our advice. She has proven to herself that she can handle the pressure and the setbacks. Her confidence in her mental and emotional strength is earned by repeatedly choosing "fight" over "flight", and surviving!

When the game went from pure "fun" to "work" circa 12U, I told her that hitting a ball with a stick was pretty silly stuff when you really think about it, and that it was going to feel even sillier and require more work as she got older, if she continued to play competitively. However, the game was also a preview and a low-risk rehearsal for how she will experience and handle real world challenges outside the game, when the stakes will be infinitely higher. The knowledge she will gain about herself, about working with different people, about managing expectations, about short term tactics and long term strategy, will be far more valuable to her in the long run than her career stats and those plastic trophies, or even the fun times that she and I were enjoying together (more so by me than her).

Thankfully, she was at an age where she did not automatically question everything I said to her, so this became the way she approached the game from then on, especially years later, when she freely disclosed to us that the "fun" part of the game had become virtually non-existent relative to everything else, though that "everything else" was by then indispensable to her.

Personally, I believe a parent's duty is not only to "support" our children to make their own choices, but also to "guide" them to make informed ones that they are less likely to regret years later, especially when our children are the thoughtful type who actively request that kind of guidance, like the OP.

Of course, YMMV.