...feeling burnt out?? Would like dad help on this one.

[CMMom1740]

I think what is hard for kids to understand is that most parents want to support you in your activities and begin to feel passionate about that activity. I think you guys understand that part actually, but not the corollary, which is that most parents will transfer that interest and passion onto a different activity if you quit pursuing one thing and pick up something new. If my daughter told me tomorrow she was giving up softball and pursuing singing or archery or debate, I'd be sad, but I'd also be like, "OK, let's Google debate and figure out how it works and how I can support her!" Again, I say MOST parents because there are some living out unrealized dreams vicariously through their kids and things, but those are THEIR issues to deal with. You need to follow your heart. Don't underestimate your Dad and his love for you. He may need a minute, but he'll still be your enthusiastic Dad who is "all in" for whatever you choose to pursue.

 

[softball.girl40]

When you go to college, what is it you want to study?

I have absolutely no idea!! Completely lost in that field to be dead honest with you. Lmao

 

[Eric F]

I have absolutely no idea!! Completely lost in that field to be dead honest with you. Lmao

My DD is the same. You aren’t alone in that.

 

[Chris8]

As for it being a "waste" to change path, or leave the game, I don't look at it that way. I've never looked at the time, effort, and money as an investment towards something in the future (college scholarship). It's all the expenses of my DD being able to experience the activity she's passionate about at the level she's worked hard to achieve. No matter what happens next, nothing will take away the awesome things that she's experienced from playing the game with and against the best players in the country. If a scholarship happens, it's a bonus. If it doesn't, I won't consider one dollar or one minute of the money and time spent to be a waste, even if it all ends tomorrow.

THIS! Same in our household. We're behind our DD decision to play at the highest level she wants to play....as long as she wants to play. So many experiences she's had, friends she's made (even a bff) places she's gone. And opportunities to be around some GREAT FOLKS (Some here on DFP) and to experience some other less than positive experiences that will help prepare her for life ahead too!

 

[cnardone]

I was just worried that since I've worked so hard to get to where I am now, that it would all seem like a waste to throw it away and join some local team. I need to work on my relationship with my dad though. Thanks for the thoughtful response!

Two things
1) You'll always have to work on all your relationships. Nothing is perfect or stays perfect forever. Everyone one of us dad's knows this. we all have work to do. If you take anything away from this thread is that you are not alone in this. We all struggle or have struggles with communicating with our children or parents at one point or another.

2) You've mentioned this twice in the thread. Maybe more. Don't think that the hard work you've put in would ever be a waste or regret it. Have you had some really awesome times with your teammates? Made great friends? Become a really awesome ball player? Learned the meaning of hard work and dedication? Created a believe in yourself that you can do anything if you are dedicated enough to put in the work?

What would be so wrong playing for a local team? So you might not be as challenged. But it might give you back some time you want and allow you to play ball. Maybe without the huge commitment you'll enjoy playing ball just a little bit more. Will this local team have teammates you like being with? What about the coach?

 

[Lemond]

The thing that stuck out to me in this thread was that is seems like you have at least a perception that your outside-of-softball relationship with your dad needs some attention. To me, that would be the most important thing to address!

Do you know what your father's expectations of you are (both relating to softball and not)? Not his hopes/dreams for you, but his expectations? Truly understanding that answer could change how you approach talking about softball.

Like most everyone on this forum, my expectations were not for my DD to make a career out of softball (it is, after all, just a pastime sport, and all but a very few people will continue involvement in any way past high school). My softball expectations were that she got exercise, learned how to be a part of a team, tried hard, and had fun in a safe environment. My single goal for her was to ensure that she learned enough about the sport that she would be able to teach her kids later in life. My goal for me was to support her in every way possible if she wanted to continue on to the next season. The challenge in my goal is understanding how much she wants me to help and how. We're still working on that.

My non-softball expectation of her was and still is that no matter what her extracurricular "thing" is that she choses to do (softball, chess club, baking, swimming, cycling, bird watching, photography, whatever) she needs to have enough passion for it to consistently try hard at it. Those things will come and go throughout life.

Talk to your dad. Start with "Dad, I love you. Do you have a minute to talk?" That would help me understand my priorities right away, and would also signal to me that this is something that is serious and not a spontaneous "I quit" moment. Write down a list of a few key points you really want your dad to specifically hear and understand so that they do not get forgotten or misstated or misunderstood.

Is your dad on the forum, too? If so, I almost guarantee that his response is in line with what you have already read here. Lot's of great people on this forum!

"Communication is the problem to the answer." 10cc from the song "The Things We Do for Love" 1977

 

[MadBandit22]

I have been playing VERY COMPETITIVE softball since I was around 8. Now I am a teenager and I am kind of feeling burnt out of the sport. My parents have spent thousands of dollars traveling to long distance tournaments and getting lessons, etc., and if I quit now, I'd feel really guilty. Also, my dad and I don't spend much time together other than softball. I'm worried about our relationship, if he might get mad, or if it might just go off the rails or something. My dad is also just as obsessed with softball as I was before I started feeling this way. He has literally never missed one of my games. Ever. He has cancelled plans, meetings, etc. I just want some wisdom, or advice from some softball dads I guess. How would you feel in this situation?? Or like just opinions on getting burnt out? Maybe its just quarantine, but I really am losing the passion I once had for this sport. Let me know please <3

SG40-

I have been playing VERY COMPETITIVE softball since I was around 8. Now I am a teenager and I am kind of feeling burnt out of the sport. My parents have spent thousands of dollars traveling to long distance tournaments and getting lessons, etc., and if I quit now, I'd feel really guilty. Also, my dad and I don't spend much time together other than softball. I'm worried about our relationship, if he might get mad, or if it might just go off the rails or something. My dad is also just as obsessed with softball as I was before I started feeling this way. He has literally never missed one of my games. Ever. He has cancelled plans, meetings, etc. I just want some wisdom, or advice from some softball dads I guess. How would you feel in this situation?? Or like just opinions on getting burnt out? Maybe its just quarantine, but I really am losing the passion I once had for this sport. Let me know please <3

SG40- Very tough question. I have twin just turned 15 yr old girls who play three sports.
IMO they don’t practice and commit to getting in their best shape/conditioning outside of team practices.
They both love softball and volleyball and play basketball to stay in shape. I make it a point to make myself available to train with them and suggest they train and let them decide if they feel like practicing.
I also remind them I don’t want them working their way through college. I try and inspire them to work hard and get an academic and/or athletic scholarship so they can fully enjoy the college experience and don’t have to worry about money.
There are many kids now adults that were talented enough to earn scholarships but chose not to work hard and commit themselves to achieving lofty goals. I’m sure some have regrets now.
There are parents out there for whatever reason push their kids too hard and turn them off towards sports. This is an unfortunate outcome.
I guess you have to ask yourself why you feel burned-out? Too much training? expectations too high? do you want/have the talent to play in college? Is Dad pushing you too hard?
I’m sure your Dad has your best interests at heart.
My suggestion to you is take some time off and see how you feel. Talk to your Dad/parents first. If you miss softball you know what to do next.
My #2 daughter took a season off in 7th grade. Not because she was burned-out but because LL coach who never played her where she belonged took over middle school team. She told me several times that season she missed playing.
We trained regularly and the next season that coach moved on and my DD got a chance to play her favorite positions and excelled. She went from being a lower 3rd talented player to top 3rd player and had a blast playing.
My point is sometimes you need a little time to breath and reflect on what is important to you and how hard you are willing to work to satisfy yourself.
In the end whether softball is in your future or not your relationship, respect, and mutual understanding with your Dad trump any sport.
You know how you feel more than anyone else. Express to your Dad what your feeling and why as best you can. Your Dad may have no idea how your feeling towards softball and him right now.

 

[NEF]

I have a printed copy of the post I'm linking that I have given players In the past that have told me they wanted to quit softball. Most still do, 14s/16s is the time most kids find other interests, cars jobs, friends. I think its a good read. I know some of it is very true, there will be a day when you will not be able to play life does happen, I wish you the best no matter what you decide, and it is good advise to be open and discuss with your dad.
The Link

An Open Letter to the Girl Thinking about Quitting | Softball is For Girls - Softball Is For Girls

Softball Is for Girls represents softball players, softball coaches, softball parents and fastpitch softball fans all over the world. We support girls in all sport and are interested in their overall physical and mental wellbeing.

softballisforgirls.com

 

[softball.girl40]

I have a printed copy of the post I'm linking that I have given players In the past that have told me they wanted to quit softball. Most still do, 14s/16s is the time most kids find other interests, cars jobs, friends. I think its a good read. I know some of it is very true, there will be a day when you will not be able to play life does happen, I wish you the best no matter what you decide, and it is good advise to be open and discuss with your dad.
The Link

An Open Letter to the Girl Thinking about Quitting | Softball is For Girls - Softball Is For Girls

Softball Is for Girls represents softball players, softball coaches, softball parents and fastpitch softball fans all over the world. We support girls in all sport and are interested in their overall physical and mental wellbeing.

softballisforgirls.com

That post helped me so much. Thanks for linking it.

 

[Rolling Hard]

That post helped me so much. Thanks for linking it.

Great read and for those of you that don't have time to read it all the last to paragraphs sums it up:

"And if you are just not sure, we ask you to find a 19, 20 or 22 (or 40) year old who gave it all up too soon and see what she has to say. Because we can pretty much guarantee that she would do just about anything to trade places with you, and to be where you are so she could make a different decision and continue playing.

We say this. JUST PLAY. HAVE FUN. ENJOY THE GAME AS LONG AS YOU CAN! Give yourself another season while you have the chance. Because this too, shall pass."

I skipped ahead and did not read the whole thread. So I apologize if this has already been discussed. I assume softball pre covid occupied 15 to 25 hours a week of your time. That is a lot of time to fill with something constructive. It can be done and should be done if you are going to hang them up. Hanging around, watching TV, gets boring real quick. So before anyone quits they should consider what they are going to do after the boredom set in. Volunteer work? debate team? chess club? swim team? Self defense classes? Your going to have to do something.