Daughter wants to quit travel ball and mom is having a hard time with it

[legalbecky]

My assessment:
DD thought she was missing out on being a "regular" girl in HS and doing "regular" HS kid things.
DD started to spend more time with these "regular" HS kids and found out they were not focused, not as productive, and not so much fun. By now at 16 yrs old and spending her previous 8 years working hard towards a goal my DD was a very different young lady from most in HS.

Moral of the story - If ya love it let it go....... If it was meant to be it will come back.

I feel the same way about my daughter. I think she's thinking that it sounds fun to do something different, hang out with kids who aren't softball players and maybe get a summer job. There is also now a boyfriend in the mix and I think that's also factoring into her decision. And that's all fine. But her best friends are all softball players and she is like your daughter, hard-working and focused, a different kid than most high schoolers. I'll let it play out and if it was meant to be, it will be.

 

[CoogansBluff]

As I talked to her, she looked more and more miserable, and finally burst into tears and told me she doesn't want to play travel anymore, that it had become too hard, that there was too much pressure and that it just wasn't fun anymore. .

I'd be proud of your daughter for making such a difficult decision on her own. The ability to make choices that are in your own best interest, but will disappoint important other people in your life, is a very impressive and valuable thing for teenagers to be able to do. More impressive than a 62 mph fastball, IMO.

 

[dbronstein]

I'd be proud of your daughter for making such a difficult decision on her own. The ability to make choices that are in your own best interest, but will disappoint important other people in your life, is a very impressive and valuable thing for teenagers to be able to do. More impressive than a 62 mph fastball, IMO.

Well said. I agree with those who said to look for another team that plays more locally and is a bit lower pressure. It sounds like she just wants to play softball without everything else around it.

 

[maksoftball]

DD did same thing last January...but it wasn't to quit TB...more like she didn't want to play college ball. The pressure to perform/practice/etc with camps/exposures (including emails/letters/etc to college coaches) was overwhelming to her. I told her she needed to talk to her TB coach. Coach said "You are waaay to young to quit, you are a phenomenal athlete, don't shut out potential opportunites...let them come to you, and then you can decide". So that is what she is doing. Not working hard like she used to (she is taking a small break between HS ball and TB - like 2 week break)...but she is still committing to play for her TB team and we are traveling this summer. We shall see.

Anyway, just encourage her to keep her options open...don't shut the door on what she has invested so far.

 

[Sparky Guy]

One of the hardest things we can do as parents is to let our children make mistakes. It's only natural for us to want to put a safety net under them. Unfortunately, they have to learn through their own experiences. For better or worse. The best we can do is hope we've taught them well enough to make the right choices.

Your DD is entering the stage of her life where she wants/needs to know that she has some control over current and future events. As others have related, she may come back to it after a break from the game. With the addition of the boyfriend a whole new dynamic has been introduced into her life. It's new, fresh and exciting. She will want to spend more time there because of the those feelings. Naturally, she'll see softball as a HUGE time constraint on that. Hopefully, she'll see she can have both. It always helps if the BF is understanding. Often times, non-athletes fail to realize the commitment to play a sport at a high level.

You're not alone. Watched a girl give up a full ride because her BF was a year younger and would still be in HS while she was in college.

Good luck and I hope your DD finds her way back to something that she loves. Just be sure she does it for herself.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

My own DD was very out of place, with a long time HS boyfriend. She didn't fit in hanging out with the girls and some tried to discourage her from dating. She didn't care, the BF fit in with us and that was all that mattered.

As far as your own disappointment, when my DD outgrew softball, I played a season of very competitive slow pitch. Oh, my. That was an eye opener.

Be glad that your daughter told you and encourage her to play HS sports.

 

[Sparky Guy]

Us parents easily blame boyfriends or girlfriends but we are the adults. A teen changing one's focus for that is not allowed. A teen changing one's focus for something important like wanting to experience other HS activities, a job, community service, resting one's body, or a focus on studies is fine. I have several family members in HS and college. One of my nieces is top in music, and her BF is an athlete with a scholly for soccer. In my household, we do not allow the kids to lose focus on whatever it is due to some BGFF. That is just plain copping out on parental responsibility, and it is something easy to blame. As a coach, I don't let that bleed into our team either.

Do you occasionally unchain them from the basement wall and let them see the sunlight? I definitely heard the blades of the chopper beating against the air. Whoop Whoop Whoop....

 

[Coach JV]

If she rekindles her desire for the game talk to her coaches, there is always a turnover of players and
if she made the team once, there is no reason why they wouldn't welcome her back. The exposure teams
can be overwhelming especially at such a young age. The majority of girls sign and garner interest at the
end of their junior year unless they are a phenom. This being the case, there is still time for your daughter
if she happens to change her mind. Girls change a lot at her age, she will continue to sort things out as she continues
her growth and maturity.

 

[sluggers]

It is possible that the child is *not* tired of softball, but is tired of the relentless traveling all over the country to play tournaments.

Isn't the logical solution to find a team that plays local tournaments and doesn't travel the country?