Coaching Boundaries

[Phathead]

coach enforces team rules when they step on the field. parents enforce family rules when they leave the field. if social media is included in team rules then show up to field with social media problem pay the penalty then continue with practice. only exception would be abuse or illegal activity then a call to appropriate authority.

 

[Easton33]

Some of you have approached this from an "if it's legal" standpoint. So let's go there real quick. If your TB team is playing in Fireworks in Colorado and they have an aching shoulder. Would it be ok to smoke a joint in between games? Or later that night in the hotel? What the coach deems appropriate for his team is pretty much what is legal and what isn't. Some will have a problem with it but you have the freedom to switch teams. Some of you would switch teams immediately it sounds like which is fine of course but taking issue with a coach for trying to maintain a certain image for his team and players would be similar to being mad at him if you didn't make the team after tryouts. IMHO it is their team and if they think a player sporting a hickey reflects negative on them then they are entitled to address. It doesn't necessarily have to be from a morality stand point.

 

[dbronstein]

But it's not a coach's job to give that sort of guidance unless the player or parent requests it. That's not what parents and players are signing up for, generally speaking, when joining a softball team.

I didn't day it is the coach's job. I said it was an opportunity to reach out if you want to.

 

[Ken Krause]

Fair enough.

btw..."neck bruises" are certainly illegal in my household.

Also fair enough!

 

[BobInMadison]

Is it OK for a NON coach to weigh in?

I've been thinking about, what if that were one of my DDs.

First, I am sure DW and I would have some interesting conversations.

As far as a coach, it really depends on the coach and a lot of other factors.

I would feel more comfortable with a female coach discussing these matters with a girl than a male coach. To be blunt, a male coach discussing anything like that. For a male coach, it might seem a bit creepy.

Also, how well does the coach know the kid? For example, DD#3's TB coach is involved with the local elementary school, and knew my kids from school. All my DDs like her and respect her. If it were a coach she didn't know well, that is different.

 

[Rocketech1]

To me, what a player does in that regard on her own time is none of my business unless it directly affects someone else on the team or is illegal or unacceptable from the standpoint of human decency. For example, if she is posting negative messages about a teammate on social media, it's going to be a problem. If she's a bully or harassing some other kid (teammate or not) it's an issue. Smoking, drinking, drugs a problem.

But that sort of thing? That's her parents' issue to me.

At some point we have to remember that we are there to coach these kids in softball, not to be the morality police. Unless your team is part of a religious organization. I'd be far more inclined to discipline a player who didn't show up for a game or a day at a tournament than one who showed up with that sort of mark on her neck. I just don't see it as a big deal.

Thanks for being the voice of reason.

Whether or not a 14yo girl was kissed on the neck, has a tattoo, or her nose pierced, is really none of the coaches business. Softball is a game played by a vary diverse group of girls, with a myriad of personalities, coming from different cultures and backgrounds. Let's have a little tolerance for others who may be a little different than the way our kids are brought up.

Coaches please stick to teaching fundamental softball skills, hard work, teamwork and a love of the game. You are not the moral police nor were you a perfect teenager at 14. Leave those discussions to the parents of these kids to decide what is acceptable to them.

 

[Easton33]

Thanks for being the voice of reason.

Whether or not a 14yo girl was kissed on the neck, has a tattoo, or her nose pierced, is really none of the coaches business. Softball is a game played by a vary diverse group of girls, with a myriad of personalities, coming from different cultures and backgrounds. Let's have a little tolerance for others who may be a little different than the way our kids are brought up.

Coaches please stick to teaching fundamental softball skills, hard work, teamwork and a love of the game. You are not the moral police nor were you a perfect teenager at 14. Leave those discussions to the parents of these kids to decide what is acceptable to them.

Maybe not the voice of reason but definitely the voice of tolerance. Leave the morality out of it and any "creep" talks a coach may have. Why wouldn't a TB coach be in line to address this with the player if he/she feels it is negative publicity or just not a look he/she wants? Some things come up that are not covered in team rules and I would suspect 98% of coaches don't go over their hickey rule. So a kid shows up and looks like she lost a fight with a vacuum, why wouldn't be ok to address it from a team rule/ethics/or appearance perspective? The nose piercing definitely will be addressed has she can't wear it in a game.

 

[CoogansBluff]

Why wouldn't a TB coach be in line to address this with the player if he/she feels it is negative publicity or just not a look he/she wants?

It doesn't matter ''why'' it crosses a line. The ine can't be defined without somebody saying, "OK, but how is that different than that?" Infinite debate. What matters is whether it crosses a line. That line is drawn by the parents on a particular team.

We can assume that parents do want and expect the coach to address behavioral issues. You don't allow players to throw their helmets in the dugout, or have their jerseys not tucked in. You can assume parents will endorse that.

Do you tell players they can't drink soda at tournaments? When you start telling them what to eat and drink, that pushes the envelope a little bit, but parents might go along. Do you have Christian prayer circles? Chances are somebody would prefer that you not, but most will not object too much. Do you discuss a player's weight with her? ''You need to lose 20 pounds because it reflects poorly on our team and affects your performance.'' Now, you're probably going to get some push back. Do you ask a player to leave because she's gay and you believe that's immoral?

We could debate all day about ''why'' something is or is not appropriate, but it all comes back to what your parents are wanting and expecting. The OP isn't sure what his parents expect, so he polled the DFP Forum to help him predict their response. Better yet, he could poll his own parents. They are the constituents. And if the coach still believes strongly enough in an unpopular opinion, the coach may take a stand and make his case. But ultimately, the coach answers to the parents. This thread seems to suggest that most parents are not asking for that particular intervention. For any particular team, the answer might be different.

 

[PA SB Dad]

Why wouldn't a TB coach be in line to address this with the player if he/she feels it is negative publicity or just not a look he/she wants? Some things come up that are not covered in team rules and I would suspect 98% of coaches don't go over their hickey rule. So a kid shows up and looks like she lost a fight with a vacuum, why wouldn't be ok to address it from a team rule/ethics/or appearance perspective? The nose piercing definitely will be addressed has she can't wear it in a game.

It's your team, feel free to address any issue you want with any player. Just be prepared for the different responses you have received here so far. Some parents may appreciate it, some may not. I personally don't believe in blanket no tolerance policies, and I think I exercise good judgement when dealing (or not dealing) with my players. I won't judge your approach to coaching so please don't judge mine.

 

[BobInMadison]

It doesn't matter ''why'' it crosses a line. The ine can't be defined without somebody saying, "OK, but how is that different than that?" Infinite debate. What matters is whether it crosses a line. That line is drawn by the parents on a particular team.

We can assume that parents do want and expect the coach to address behavioral issues. You don't allow players to throw their helmets in the dugout, or have their jerseys not tucked in. You can assume parents will endorse that.

Do you tell players they can't drink soda at tournaments? When you start telling them what to eat and drink, that pushes the envelope a little bit, but parents might go along. Do you have Christian prayer circles? Chances are somebody would prefer that you not, but most will not object too much. Do you discuss a player's weight with her? ''You need to lose 20 pounds because it reflects poorly on our team and affects your performance.'' Now, you're probably going to get some push back. Do you ask a player to leave because she's gay and you believe that's immoral?

We could debate all day about ''why'' something is or is not appropriate, but it all comes back to what your parents are wanting and expecting. The OP isn't sure what his parents expect, so he polled the DFP Forum to help him predict their response. Better yet, he could poll his own parents. They are the constituents. And if the coach still believes strongly enough in an unpopular opinion, the coach may take a stand and make his case. But ultimately, the coach answers to the parents. This thread seems to suggest that most parents are not asking for that particular intervention. For any particular team, the answer might be different.

This is true. The OP said it was considered similar to a Christian organization minus religious study.

"Christian" means very different things to different people, and there are regional differences on top of that. Amish, Baptists, Catholics, Lutherans, Quakers and Unitarians will all see "Christian" as very different things.