Advise on how should a player handle a situation...

[InTheCrowd]

Asking for some advice that maybe I can share with my DD. On her HS team (varsity) she has a head coach and an assistant coach. The head coach is female, about 25, former player for the HS, played a little in college, and coaches HS and TB. The assistant coach is male, about 40, had a daughter play for a different school, second year with the school, coaches TB. I don't know if the bio information really means anything but guess it couldn't hurt.

The head coach is a screamer. But not just yelling, according to DD, berating and insulting of the girls. And today, I guess it constant throughout the practice. Last year was her first year as head varsity coach and her first year as a teacher as well.

I have never coached softball but I've been around it for 12 years now with two DD's playing (not at the same time thank you). I have coached other sports but not at a high level. And in all my experience, I have never seen a girl's team performance get better with a coach screaming insults at them. Usually, the opposite occurs, they play worse.

I'd like to give DD some good advice but I really don't have any. I did tell her to talk to the assistant coach. He was her JV coach last year and he's approachable. The head coach likes the power-intimidator role and doesn't come across well.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

 

[starsnuffer]

Here's my take:

At some point in your daughter's life, someone is going to loose their temper and scream at them. Maybe your daughter runs into them with her car, maybe she looks at someone the wrong way in the wrong part of town, or maybe she just has to deal with some crazy person at work.

Her experience dealing with a crazy screaming authority figure now in a controlled, positive environment will prepare her for situations later in life, and she'll be able to keep her poise and confidence in the face of a screamer.

Last year, I saw a freshman walk into tryouts for her HS softball team. The coach was a having a tizzy and blew up at this girl for godsknowwhat. This freshman had years of experience dealing with a screamer on her TB program, so she was able to stand there, listen attentively and respectfully while keeping her composure, and then filter out the insanity from what the coach was saying with the point the coach was trying to get across, and then perform the skill to the coaches instruction and expectation. Later on, the upperclassman confronted this freshman and expressed their amazement with how cool she was under the pressure.

The freshman was starting 2b for the varsity team, and I've not a doubt in my mind it has a lot to do with how she handled herself in this situation and others like it.

HS softball is just rec ball for older kids anyway, I say take the life experience and use it as a lesson to teach your daughter how to have a great time in spite of the crazy screaming women in our lives

-W

 

[fastpitch]

what starsnuffer said!

What would you have her say to the assistant coach? I don't think that would help anything either. Depending on what is said it could make it worse if the assistant tells the head coach.

 

[ArmWhip]

I think that it depends a little on what she is screaming about, if she's right no problem. You can scream all you want if you get results. But if she screams about every little thing it will get old and the kids will tune it out or they won't pay attention and get the point. The bottom line is still that there's not a lot you can do about it.

 

[Lozza]

Just stand there and nod. Deep breaths. Perhaps video a couple of practises or games and if it's really bad go to her boss.

 

[sluggers]

I'm with starsnuffer. It is a life experience.

Your DD either loves the game enough to put up with idiot coaches or she doesn't. It really is that simple. My kids have been cursed from one side of the field/floor to the other.

You can complain to the AD, but it will most likely get your DD a reputation for being a whiner.

I once asked a guy in the army how he put up with basic training. He said, "They could call me anything they wanted for basic training, because I knew in six weeks they would have to call me long distance."

 

[EP Dad]

Complaining never helps. I've learned that the hard way.

 

[jacketsfan]

HS SB teams are dictatorships, and egomaniacal coaches can do whatever they want. I have yet to see a HS coach get in trouble at their school for anything short of hitting a player.

For better of for worse, HS ball is what it is. You deal or you quit. There really is no middle, as in talking to the school and getting a change made.

 

[InTheCrowd]

Thanks for the advice and some laughs too. We do sometimes take life too seriously and I would say more so for a teenager than an older fart like me. The older I get the lower my tolerance level goes for unnecessary bullcr*p, life has enough of it already packaged in. Thanks again.

 

[Ken Krause]

Might be worthwhile to video the coach as Lozza suggested, but send it to the coach instead -- anonymously if necessary. Maybe she doesn't realize exactly what she sounds like. If nothing else, she'll know someone is watching and perhaps that will get her to dial it down some.

I'm not so sure learning to "grin and bear it" is such a great thing. If you knowing go into that situation -- such as in basic training -- that's one thing. But suffering fools simply because they have authority is not necessarily the right thing to do in my opinion. No one has a right to treat someone else that way. Leaders should model exemplary behavior, not try to make themselves seem bigger by making everyone around them feel smaller.