Advise on how should a player handle a situation...

[BB875]

We have a screamer at HS, too. This will be DDs third year with him on the varsity team and she is a sophomore. Early on I asked her what she thought about it...She said "if I deserve to get yelled at, then I deserve it." Here I thought all those years of me yelling at her were wasted! lol.

Seriously, about 4 years ago her TB team played at a PFX tourney. She was fortunate enough to get paired up with Tairia Flowers for a hitting competition. There was a delay in the event & they had a chance to talk for a few minutes. Tairia told her if she has a screamer as a coach, ignore the loudness & listen to the content of what the coach is saying...I believe that advice has served her well.

 

[quincy]

Escalating the situation might help players in the future but your DD will be affected in a negative way.

You only have 1 HS to play for so you need to make a decision how important it is, you are not going to be able to make a change in the short-term.

Once a person starts screaming at my DD her listening turns off, not saying that is right just the way it is. She does not get annoyed or upset; it is like the person does not even exist.

 

[InTheCrowd]

Well, DD is used to some yelling. Being of Italian heritage, I tend to get a little excited at times. But always for good reason, I don't constantly rag on my kids. I'm the parent they feel they can talk to more easily.

But as one said, once the yelling starts, girls usually seem to shut down. I'm not impressed with this coach at all for a number of reasons but if she wants to play for her high school, DD has to develop a coping mechanism.

I agree with the one poster's daughter, if she deserves it, then she deserves it. But this coach seems to cross the line into berating and disrespect. I kind of joke with DD, the laws of physic apply to relationships (and coach - player is a relationship). Every action has an opposite and equal reaction so as this coach treats players in this manner, what do you think will happen? The players are going to respond accordingly in their way by complaining about the coach, shutting down, and choosing not to play. It's not a one way street.

I do believe given time the situation will take care of itself. I've seen it before where the softball program erodes enough that it forces the hand of the AD to make a change and I'm pretty sure that will happen here.

DD has to decide how she wants to handle it and right now she's playing.

Just my thoughts...

 

[starsnuffer]

I'd be careful about copping an attitude of "I deserve it".

We're all in control of our own emotions, and we must master that. If we start giving up control of our emotions to other people, we become enslaved to them, and that can lead to issues later on.

A better attitude is "coach is yelling at me, coach must be upset with what I'm doing (this is key, not upset with me, but upset with what I'm doing). I'm going to listen to coach and adjust what I'm doing".

The perception of either response may be identical, but the impact on the child's psyche is significantly different. There is a huge difference between "grin a bare it" with developing the skills to remain calm in a highly charged emotional situation while remaining intellectually keen and attentive. Shutting down is "grinning and baring it". Listening and adapting while keeping ones own emotions in check is completely different.

-W

 

[BB875]

I'd be careful about copping an attitude of "I deserve it".

Not sure who you are referring to, but I didn't say she DD has an attitude of "I deserve it". I never said "grin and bear it" either. Just pointing out her opinion if someone (including her) gets their butt reamed when they make a mistake. If the yelling is belittling & insulting and personal in nature, I have no advice. You need to weigh the option of quitting or talking to the head coach...

I do not yell and scream at my TB players. I talk to them individually when I have an issue with their performance. However, many coaches do scream & if you want to play on their team, you have to learn to deal with it. Otherwise, see ya!

 

[InTheCrowd]

Sorry, I may have confused the idea. The " I deserve it" really meant that she made a mistake, and fielding error or something, and got yelled at for the mistake. That's what I meant. The kid knows she goofed and knows why the coach is not happy and it's generally related to an action. My DD has no problem with this type of yelling because she understands why.

The screamer coach does do this but just turns it into relentless berating as general comments targeted at no one player in particular rather general statements like "this is so horrible that I'm getting sick" "you ladies are disgusting" and similar and worst. No swearing that I know of. The kids just take it as insult after insult.

I dont personally understand this approach. It doesn't seem to be productive. It doesn't bond the team together. It seems to demotivate them. I don't get it.

I don't worry about this DD "grin and bearing it", she can only take so much and then look out. That's the Italian blood in her.

I do appreciate your advice.

 

[sluggers]

Screwball, I do understand what you are saying.

Each child only has a few years to play organized sports. As you know, once your athletic career is over, it is over. So, a player has to understand that if she is going to make a big deal out of something, she will be affected.

A person can, of course, make a big deal and perhaps get the coach fired. It might be better for the players that follow...and it might not. The coach might not get fired, or they might hire someone worse. For certain, the player that decides to take up the crusade will likely be benched or will quit the team. (Every screaming coach has a few kids on the team that idolize him/her...and they will make life a living h*** for the player doing the complaining.)

If we were talking about some issue of national or international importance, perhaps it would be worth the turmoil...but, this is not. Idiot coaches are the rule, not the exception, in athletics.

Personal story: My DD#3 was playing her 4th year of college hoops. The coach was a screamer. He got mad, and kicked a basketball. It careened off his foot and accidentally hit my DD in the face and knocked her down. I told my DD that I would support her if she wanted to take it to the AD. She didn't. She wasn't going to get the guy fired. The guy wasn't going to change. All she would do is create a distraction. So, she forgot it, played out the last few weeks of basketball, and moved on.

 

[mrslug01]

My DD was playing U18 travel for a screamer. There was one girl on the team who it really bothered (she evntually quit). I had coached for the organization so was pretty friendly with the woman running it. I mentioned to her that I tought the coach was a bit over the line at times (and I wasn't referring to how he treated my DD but the other girl). The woman agreed but basically said two things: First was that it's pretty darned hard to get qualified coaches for a U18 top level travel program. Next was that if they don't learn to deal with it now, they'll never make it through college ball as it only gets worse. After eventually wacthing my DD go through a variety of DII tryouts, I can attest that there are alot of screamers at the college level.

 

[SBFAMILY]

I agree with screwball, since I coach on both sides of the fence and I'm friends with the AD and the superintendent. We the school will not tolerate this for the reasons that scewball mentioned. Things have changed , It is abuse, and at least our school system and many others see it that way. I have seen many of the screamers and after being at many of Bobby Knights basketball practices I have seen both sides of the fence. High school is not the military or college and those that scream and shout won't cut it today. Bobby was a great coach, but few can play for those type of coaches anymore.

 

[PEPPERS]

We had a middle school softball coach and basketball coach that was a screamer and took it to a new level. She not only screamed, but belittled the players.

A group of the parents got together, complained and she was fired.

IMO people instead of knowing how to teach, do your job or how to coach some people resort to yelling. In other words a lack of skills is replaced by yelling, because they don't know how to coach or teach.