What's the classy way to leave an org?

IIRC, Paul Simon wrote a song about this

We left an organization before the end of the year..once. I believe in playing out your commitment to a team/org, but I believed at the time (and still do) that DD was being treated unfairly and differently than other girls on the team. Team rules were show up late for a game and you don't start. I agree with the rule and don't have a problem with it. DD was late to a game at an out of town tournament (my fault i got lost) and coach sat her for an entire game. Next day, two girls show up as game was starting, and went right in to their spots.

DD shared catching duties with another girl. Championship game of a tournament. DD was told she was playing catcher. Warmed up the starting pitcher. Was standing on the line waiting to be announced by the PA announcer. With all of her catching gear on. As it gets to her, Coach yells her name and says come here. She runs over to the bench and coach says to her your not playing this game. Other catcher runs onto field. That was the last day DD was on that team.

Those were just a few examples of things that happened, but the example of her being pulled at the last second, in front of everyone, I believed was just the coach being an azz on purpose, so I pulled her from the team. (of course after discussion with her and wife, we were all in agreement). So, finally, getting to the OP's question....I emailed everyone on the team. I included the head of the organization. I laid out exactly my reasons why, and the things that had happened. I was not mean spirited, and did not bad mouth anyone, but I wanted everyone to know exactly why, so there would be no questions, and no rumors between the other parents. I believe you should be straight forward, and don't hide anything. You will see the other parents, other players, coaches, org heads etc again and again. DD was 14u when all of this happened. We still see people from this team all the time out in public, and at high school games, etc. We are all still friendly, and have heard several times that they don't blame us for leaving. Of course the team folded at the end of the year anyway. We were not the only family that was not happy with the way things were going, and the org head pulled the plug on the team.

I do not see the upside of laying down the facts as you see them.

Except maybe feeling better for 10 minutes after you send Email.

The upside for me was that everyone on the team knew exactly why. I didn't want rumors going around, and people saying things that were not true.

Il softball fan said:

The upside for me was that everyone on the team knew exactly why. I didn't want rumors going around, and people saying things that were not true.

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Sadly, you're assuming that the information as you've presented it will be relayed in its entirety. It won't. It's an admirable effort and I've been there, too - but 3 years later, (and DD has been with the same org since) I still get approached by parents with misinformation about our departure from a 14u team that imploded. Meh. Think what you will. As Dr. Suess said, "Those who matter, don't mind. Those who mind, don't matter."

Rumors will still fly. Coaches and orgs will still talk smack. Parents will still be insane. And yet - those "problem families" that every one of us is afraid of being branded by a departure, still manage to find spots on teams. This leads back to my first points: this is a business. We're paying for a service. When I switch gyms, or cars, or restaurants I frequent, I don't go try to explain or justify my decisions to the proprietor or sales people - *unless they ASK.*

When it comes to our children, we are emotional critters and we are convinced that if we just pay enough money, find the "right" club, keep our mouths shut (or open them more), they will see our kid as we do. They won't. And anyone that says different - that rare coach who does believe and see your child as you do - needs to stay in your life, regardless of clout or prestige or whatever. That's the real find, not the org. Our kids are multifaceted and will go on in this world to do a heck of a lot more things than just softball. A year or two from now, it won't be which org you ticked off or which coach was crazy, or which dad was banished to the parking lot with regularity. It's when your kid says, at college graduation, "Coach really believed in me back when I was 15 and life sucked. He kept me coming back. He pushed me," that are the moments that matter.

And *that* is what I pay for. If she isn't getting it, we look elsewhere - no explanation necessary. Club sports are, after all, the most important level of customer service.



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Agreed that we are indeed emotional when it comes to our children. If we were just leaving an org due to a difference of opinion, or a bad fit, we would have played out the commitment till the end of season and then hit the tryout circuits. As the situation was, I wanted it to be clear why. I relayed it to everyone on the team as to minimize the chance of misinformation. As you said, people will still talk, and probably did. This was around 5 years ago, and I was quite pizzed about it at the time, but looking back, I believe I handled it the best way I could, and would do it the same.

Me_and_my_big_mouth said:

When it comes to our children, we are emotional critters and we are convinced that if we just pay enough money, find the "right" club, keep our mouths shut (or open them more), they will see our kid as we do. They won't. And anyone that says different - that rare coach who does believe and see your child as you do - needs to stay in your life, regardless of clout or prestige or whatever. That's the real find, not the org. Our kids are multifaceted and will go on in this world to do a heck of a lot more things than just softball. A year or two from now, it won't be which org you ticked off or which coach was crazy, or which dad was banished to the parking lot with regularity. It's when your kid says, at college graduation, "Coach really believed in me back when I was 15 and life sucked. He kept me coming back. He pushed me," that are the moments that matter.

And *that* is what I pay for. If she isn't getting it, we look elsewhere - no explanation necessary. Club sports are, after all, the most important level of customer service.

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I couldn't love this any more. So spot on!

Nothing is easy.

"Coach, thanks for the opportunity, and everything you've done for us." Walk away after that. This is softball. Its going to happen.

had to pull DD from travel soccer team after last fall season (and we had paid through spring, but she was begging us to let her quit in middle of fall season, we made her stick it out). we had talked to coach a couple of times prior on phone to express our concerns, nothing changed (wont go into details, but it had to do with saying one thing and doing another, he basically told every girl/parent what he thought they wanted to hear). about a week after last game, we called him, and let him know she would not be back for spring. kept asking us why, and we told him same concerns we had talked about previously, still asking why, trying to blow same smoke as before up our wahoos (both DW and I were on call). kept it positive, thanked him for his time and efforts, and finally said we have to go.

keep it short, simple, if they ask why, tell them politely without bashing/emotion if possible. then stop talking and do not look back.

We have stepped away from a few teams at the conclusion of the season. It really wasn't a big deal at all. DD is still great friends with most of her past teammates, and we are still friends with most of the parents. It's always a good idea to leave under good terms, and with a door still open. When coach asks who is coming back, it's a simple " I think were going to try something else this year. Coaches were great and the girls are great, but DD is really looking to go to the next level. If you need a guest player at any point keep her in mind. We'll definitely miss everybody."