My DD Snuck out, I am at a loss how to deal with this.

[JJsqueeze]

The other parents didn't tell about it for fear she wouldn't play HS ball. I think it's safe to say they didn't sneak out for a stroll to the library. The sneaking out in of itself, may or may not have been dangerous, but how can dishonesty EVER be anything but bad?

dishonesty is good when I tell my wife she really nailed it on her 50th attempt at making good Thai curry.

Seriously- the sneaking out at 16 in and of itself is probably more of a young woman testing her wings than anything else, unless she snuck out to do something seriously out of bounds like drugs/sex etc. only you know the details.

An otherwise good kid doing something like this once is not a huge cause for alarm. It's all about the patterns.

 

[NorthMS]

dishonesty is good when I tell my wife she really nailed it on her 50th attempt at making good Thai curry.

Seriously- the sneaking out at 16 in and of itself is probably more of a young woman testing her wings than anything else, unless she snuck out to do something seriously out of bounds like drugs/sex etc. only you know the details.

An otherwise good kid doing something like this once is not a huge cause for alarm. It's all about the patterns.

haha

I agree it's more about the pattern than a single act. I'm not saying a single act doesn't require punishment, but I would take it into context.

 

[BT3100]

My question would be how did I as a parent not know my kid wasn't under my roof.
PA softball dad stated the rest.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

I thought that your DD was supposed to be at Player's A house - and she left from there.

But, did she leave your home and go to player A's house, w/o your knowledge? That would change how I approach this.

 

[guero_gordo]

My question would be how did I as a parent not know my kid wasn't under my roof.

You might consider a German Shepard. Nothing moves in or around the house without notice. ;-)

 

[onkyo]

My DD was at another's house when she snuck out.
When I asked her what they did she said they went out driving around.

I am incredibly grateful for all the responses. After reading each one I have to say that everyone is right. It is amazing to me that so many different approaches to a problem and be right.

We "wife and i" are glad that I had the opportunity to read all of these, it has helped get me to this;
We are going to explore why sneaking out was more attractive than the risks of being caught, as a member suggested. I think this is a fantastic question.
We are going to express that this has created a trust issue, and she is now going to have to work to mend that.
We are going to take her phone, and driving for two weeks, as well as not being able to stay over anywhere for an undetermined time, if ever.

After reading all the responses I feel I am so much better equipped. My wife and I have been reading and nodding saying that makes a lot of sense and reading the next one and saying see I am not the only one.

Thank You all very much.

 

[BobInMadison]

I haven't commented on this for a reason. My kids all seem like a bunch of goody two-shoes. When I was their age, I wasn't. I never got arrested, although I did get some stern warnings from cops a few times. I never got too far off the straight and narrow, at least not TOO often. Some of my friends got WAY off track. Some of them got back on track, some didn't. Some died too young from drug use.

Sometimes when my kids do something wrong, I am almost relieved that they are actually imperfect humans, rather than perfect robots.

On the rare occasions when they DO mess up, my biggest concern is how to get them back on the right path.

 

[Momo'sDad]

The other parents didn't tell about it for fear she wouldn't play HS ball. I think it's safe to say they didn't sneak out for a stroll to the library. The sneaking out in of itself, may or may not have been dangerous, but how can dishonesty EVER be anything but bad?

I don't know whether the plan to sneak out was hatched before the sleepover, but whether it was or wasn't, the decision to follow through with it was made during the sleepover. I know we're all different, but my concern is that this information wasn't related to me until a month later. So, that degree of dishonesty - and let's call it a "conspiracy", because that's what it was - is bothersome to me. As the old adage goes, "it's not the crime, it's the cover-up". My relationship with the other parent would change after an incident like this, too. I'm naturally skeptical of almost everyone, so this would confirm that I was right not to fully trust them.

 

[NorthMS]

I don't know whether the plan to sneak out was hatched before the sleepover, but whether it was or wasn't, the decision to follow through with it was made during the sleepover. I know we're all different, but my concern is that this information wasn't related to me until a month later. So, that degree of dishonesty - and let's call it a "conspiracy", because that's what it was - is bothersome to me. As the old adage goes, "it's not the crime, it's the cover-up". My relationship with the other parent would change after an incident like this, too. I'm naturally skeptical of almost everyone, so this would confirm that I was right not to fully trust them.

Completely agree.

 

[BobInMadison]

It's interesting to see how different parents react to things like sleepovers.
One of DD #1 is an immigrant from a culture that is very conservative, and her parents would never let their kids have sleepovers for many years. DD would have sleepover parties, and her friend would have to go home at night (lives just a few blocks away). FINALLY, after many years, they feel they trust us and DD #1 enough they let their DD sleep over after prom.
They also invited DD #1 to visit the country where her friend was born next summer. For all sorts of geopolitical reasons (their leader, the Dhali Lama, is old and succession is uncertain) this would be a great opportunity.

However, if anything wrong EVER happened at a sleepover it would destroy the relationship between the families.