My DD Snuck out, I am at a loss how to deal with this.

[LostinNJ]

Have her do some sort of community service.

 

[RookKev]

You know your daughter best. Was this out of character for her? Has she done something like this before? What about lies? Does your gut tell you she has a problem with honesty? I would answer some of these questions... then I would seek out information about the other girl from her parents... has she done this before? Is it normal for her behavior...? what are both girls grades? I just think you should execute a bit of caution before throwing your daughter out with the garbage (yes, that is excessive)... but, if this is way out of normal, then perhaps the real lesson needs to be on identifying when she exposes herself to potential risk. Maybe be thankful that this lesson could be learned at the small price of a lie that didn't cause any real damage. Her friends could get her into a lot more trouble in the future, and then it won't be mom and dad applying the discipline.

 

[riseball]

You asked a great question and I am struggling to answer it. "What do I want the end result to be"

That is often hard to figure out. You may know that I have a DD that is headed to South Carolina. This weekend her team won the NJCAA National Championship, got awards, etc. What nobody knows until now is that she has an older sister that I am doing all I can to keep out of prison or worse. I have pretty much seen it all and will be the first to say there are no easy answers. Take your time, it has been a month so do what it takes to get it right.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

She snuck out and did what?

My one son was a nightmare for 5 years, 2nd son was and is very successful. 2nd son made a serious mistake and let friends chide him into egging 2 teacher's house, one night. He was suspended from school for 5 days. We thought that was punishment enough and he was humiliated.

So, one time doesn't mean she is making bad decisions. Why on earth parents would chose not to tell you, is beyond me. I agree to no more sleepovers, maybe take the phone away and tell her that you will be checking up on her, closely.

 

[marriard]

I am going to say it also depends on why she snuck out, how many other times (once? other times - admission to the one event can be covering other incidences - that was one of my tactics), etc... Not a lot of info to make calls on.

For various reasons I was out of my house at 17 and then moved across the world from my homeland to the USA when I was 18. 16 is getting closer and closer to getting into the 'adult' phase - I am sure it makes it more difficult to determine what punishments can be put in place (though clearly personal transport, banning getting other people's to give them rides, phone privileges and curfews are available).

I would probably still be grounded if I got caught for everything I did at that age and that is MANY, MANY moons ago.

 

[Jojo]

I was a strict disciplinarian. My punishment would be along the lines of PA SB dad's.

I always told my kids I would trust them and give them freedoms as long as they never broke that trust. I think losing trust was the greatest consequence they never wanted to have to face.

 

[cuzmail]

I would have just as much of an issue with the other parents as I do with DD if this were me. Simply put, the other parents took it upon themselves to control any potential discipline to your DD for their own benefit by refusing to tell you until they thought the timing was right.

For DD,
No sleepovers at anyone else's home. No sleepovers with that girl again.
Other consequences dealing with what is important to DD at the time.

 

[coach james]

I think the fact the other family withheld this from you until after softball would immediately put them on my $#!% list!
However, she's 16 and is finding her way, this kind of thing is very common and will most likely happen again. I'd remind her of the dangers associated with being out that late.....

 

[PA SB Dad]

We have been fortunate to not have had to deal with her doing anything this severe before, I am at a loss because of this.
1 Yes, this is the case.
2. This also will be the case
3. That was my first response, second response, and still what I think, my wife disagrees somewhat.
4. She now has lost her driving privileges.
5. School ball is over now.

I also hold my kids accountable, because a month has passed, it seems harder.

Sorry, this post caught me at a bad time (ROUGH tournament weekend!). I apologize for the tone and any inference that you are not being a good parent. Hope everything does work out.

 

[GOINGDEEP]

She snuck out and did what?

^^^^^^^Probably most important.

So no one here ever snuck out? I snuck out many times to go midnight cat-fishing, that's the best time to catch the big ones. Snuck out a few times to roll a friend's yard on his/her birthday. Snuck out many summer nights to just sit with other "sneaky" kids in someone's backyard talking and laughing. Just simple fun.

But I did know some who snuck out to smoke, drink, sex, at a very young age.