When is the right time to speak up....

[PJR202]

How you will be perceived will depend upon how you move forward from this point.

How any parent intervenes for their child depends a lot on the process and intent. For example, if a parent ask to talk to a coach and compares their child to others on the team, that, for me, is a no go. I won't talk about any players on a team with other parents. I ask that a meeting be set up with the AD. In that way, I have a witness as to what is said from both sides. I have been where you are and considered my dd to be an exceptional athlete.

I have told the story before about my dd and volleyball. My dd was awarded the underclass award for volleyball her freshman year. She dressed varsity. In her sophomore year and before they had played a volleyball match, she entered the gym with the trainer who had told her she needed a covering for a strawberry on her leg. She got that strawberry from playing a weekend softball tournament. The volleyball HC went off on her and compared her to a former player who went on to star on her D-I college softball team. The "punishment" was that my dd sat on the bench for the varsity for an entire year and never played one second. She was not allowed to play on the JV. The wife and I went to every game to support her. We didn't say a word to the coach who I worked with. I was a teacher and HC at the school. My dd cried after every game but never asked if she could quit. In a lot of ways, that year made my dd stronger though, to be honest, she also learned how to hate someone. The following year, she decided to play HS golf instead for me on my golf team and was offered several scholarships for golf. In the end, it worked out.

What a crappy thing to do.

Our take on here in the school sotball program is that if you play another sport, then you're still getting extra practice at things like balance, coordination, hand/eye, strength. Well-rounded athletes make great softball players.

 

[PJR202]

My take on playing time is, if she's unhappy she should be the one to ask. At younger levels, I think it would be a constructive discussion opportunity if the parent asks. MS and HS, the kid can ask herself. Chances are, she already knows the answer. My DD went through this last season. I said "if you're unhappy with your playing time, go ask him what you can do to get more time," and she refused to do it. Didn't think she would be taken seriously. I know the coach would have given her a genuine answer. That was her battle and lesson to learn.

 

[The Man In Blue]

How you will be perceived will depend upon how you move forward from this point.

How any parent intervenes for their child depends a lot on the process and intent. For example, if a parent ask to talk to a coach and compares their child to others on the team, that, for me, is a no go. I won't talk about any players on a team with other parents. I ask that a meeting be set up with the AD. In that way, I have a witness as to what is said from both sides. I have been where you are and considered my dd to be an exceptional athlete.

I have told the story before about my dd and volleyball. My dd was awarded the underclass award for volleyball her freshman year. She dressed varsity. In her sophomore year and before they had played a volleyball match, she entered the gym with the trainer who had told her she needed a covering for a strawberry on her leg. She got that strawberry from playing a weekend softball tournament. The volleyball HC went off on her and compared her to a former player who went on to star on her D-I college softball team. The "punishment" was that my dd sat on the bench for the varsity for an entire year and never played one second. She was not allowed to play on the JV. The wife and I went to every game to support her. We didn't say a word to the coach who I worked with. I was a teacher and HC at the school. My dd cried after every game but never asked if she could quit. In a lot of ways, that year made my dd stronger though, to be honest, she also learned how to hate someone. The following year, she decided to play HS golf instead for me on my golf team and was offered several scholarships for golf. In the end, it worked out.

Sounds similar to my oldest daughter's volleyball story, but at least you had a crappy reason.

From 8th grade through her Junior year, we had a good HS coach. My daughter played all the way around (meaning she didn't sub out like most players do) and had some lower-level college interest. We were actually concerned she was being over-used and had talked with the coach about it.

Politics happened and the coach was fired. (She didn't play a board member's daughter enough and the board member had a potential replacement waiting. That backfired due to the respect our former coach had, and nobody in the volleyball coaching community would touch the job. They literally tried giving the job away and begging people. We ended up with a coach who had been cast-off every coaching job she had, but that's a different story). Anyway, new coach comes in, essentially benches my daughter for her Senior season. We go through all the usual emotions, feelings, resentment, etc.

The team wins the county tournament, but my daughter was the only player who never got in during the entire tournament. After the championship game, my daughter was in tears. I walked to the bench to sign her out so she didn't have to ride the bus. The coach said she wasn't allowing anybody to be signed out because she wanted them to celebrate and share this time on the bus (which was a 10 minute ride). I did not confront the coach. I did not lose my temper with the coach. I said, "No. She is going home with us. You can explain to her tomorrow why you haven't treated her as part of the team. I didn't come to talk to you about playing time, she needs to do that. I came to take her home after the way you have treated her."

The next morning the AD (whose daughter played softball for me, but we didn't care for one another) left me a message that I was not allowed to go to any more games until I met with him. I did go met with him. I told him what I thought of his coach, what she did, and how he allowed the school's programs to be run (this had been boiling for a few years under his tenure). At the end, he told me I had his permission to go to games again. I never went to another volleyball game.

My daughter went on to play soccer in college. I went to her HS and college soccer games.

 

[FastpitchFan84]

Sounds similar to my oldest daughter's volleyball story, but at least you had a crappy reason.

From 8th grade through her Junior year, we had a good HS coach. My daughter played all the way around (meaning she didn't sub out like most players do) and had some lower-level college interest. We were actually concerned she was being over-used and had talked with the coach about it.

Politics happened and the coach was fired. (She didn't play a board member's daughter enough and the board member had a potential replacement waiting. That backfired due to the respect our former coach had, and nobody in the volleyball coaching community would touch the job. They literally tried giving the job away and begging people. We ended up with a coach who had been cast-off every coaching job she had, but that's a different story). Anyway, new coach comes in, essentially benches my daughter for her Senior season. We go through all the usual emotions, feelings, resentment, etc.

The team wins the county tournament, but my daughter was the only player who never got in during the entire tournament. After the championship game, my daughter was in tears. I walked to the bench to sign her out so she didn't have to ride the bus. The coach said she wasn't allowing anybody to be signed out because she wanted them to celebrate and share this time on the bus (which was a 10 minute ride). I did not confront the coach. I did not lose my temper with the coach. I said, "No. She is going home with us. You can explain to her tomorrow why you haven't treated her as part of the team. I didn't come to talk to you about playing time, she needs to do that. I came to take her home after the way you have treated her."

The next morning the AD (whose daughter played softball for me, but we didn't care for one another) left me a message that I was not allowed to go to any more games until I met with him. I did go met with him. I told him what I thought of his coach, what she did, and how he allowed the school's programs to be run (this had been boiling for a few years under his tenure). At the end, he told me I had his permission to go to games again. I never went to another volleyball game.

My daughter went on to play soccer in college. I went to her HS and college soccer games.

Uggghh. This story is all too common. While the people with the name/community status have their child’s positions “protected” they cry foul (pun intended) when a parent advocates for their child and/or calls out the politics. I’m sorry your daughter had to deal with that. It’s absolutely unnecessary.