Contemplating not playing HS next year

[riseball]

If you and by you I mean everyone who is thinking about leaving a HS team. Leaving a team is one thing, but how you leave that team will follow you. Quit in the middle of the season, and everyone will hear about it, every kid's parent who is competing with your dd for a spot on a travel team will bring it up to the TB coaches (well you hear she is difficult, she quit her HS team mid season...). Do not go out with a blaze of glory and at tryouts tell the coach I am done with you and your simple ways... Do not quit at the team banquet...Do not quit at the last minute when the coach is already counting on her.

Your dd makes a phone call to the coach mid summer and says, due to the time requirement of softball I will not be able to play next season. I will be needing that time to pursue academics and other activities that will aid me in getting into college. Done, do not go into playing time, strategy, little suzy who can't catch the ball but plays... If this conversation goes more then a minute it was done wrong.

Why say anything? Playing HS ball is a 1 season commitment. You commit to play a season and you finish that season. That is the extent of the relationship. Next season on the first day of tryouts you either show up or you don't. At tryouts supposedly everyone starts with a clean slate, no preconceptions, no reserved spot to come back to so there is really nothing to talk about before then. No need to explain why or justify your decision. Just move on.

 

[Sparky Guy]

Your dd makes a phone call to the coach mid summer and says, due to the time requirement of softball I will not be able to play next season. I will be needing that time to pursue academics and other activities that will aid me in getting into college. Done, do not go into playing time, strategy, little suzy who can't catch the ball but plays... If this conversation goes more then a minute it was done wrong.

I agree mostly with the timing of leaving the team if the player is able to tolerate the team environment till the end of the season, stick it out and finish. The mid-summer phone call is not something I would recommend. Once the player returns to school the coach now has all fall and winter to "convince" the player she should tryout again. It could be a contentious issue for the player during the school year if they've made up their mind. Especially if/when the other players on the team find out.

Why lie to the coach? Come the next season when the coach asks why the player is not trying out they need to be told exactly why. If the coaches philosophies are running players away from the team they need to know that. Especially if tryout numbers are falling at the school.

If a player feels they are better than another girl on the field and think they did not get a legitimate shot to prove it they are entitled to that opinion. If they don't feel that way they should be playing rec ball.

The hard part comes when the other players ask why. That's when the player needs to have the short answer ready and stick to it.

 

[BobInMadison]

Why say anything? Playing HS ball is a 1 season commitment. You commit to play a season and you finish that season. That is the extent of the relationship. Next season on the first day of tryouts you either show up or you don't. At tryouts supposedly everyone starts with a clean slate, no preconceptions, no reserved spot to come back to so there is really nothing to talk about before then. No need to explain why or justify your decision. Just move on.

This is true most of the time. There are always exceptions.

DS ran track his freshman year. He started out really out of shape, so he wasn't doing that well until the end of the season, and he ran in a few local races in the summer. His sprint coach was great, and was a fantastic guy to work with.

DS took up rowing the following fall, partly for cross training, to keep himself in shape over the off season. Trouble is, he absolutely loved rowing. He had a hard time decided whether to row all year round, or to take off spring for track. The decision included me timing him on some outdoor tracks during a visit to NYC, where the tracks weren't all covered with snow.

When he made the decision to row exclusively, I emailed the head coach and sprint coach to thank them for their work with DS, and to explain it was a really tough choice for him, but he was dedicated to rowing.

Since then, DS has occasionally raced in some summer track events for the fun of it, and is now rowing on the Milwaukee School of Engineering freshman team. He has a race against Wisconsin and Minnesota Saturday. Wisconsin is one of the top teams in the US, so that will be a tough battle for second place.

 

[riseball]

This is true most of the time. There are always exceptions.

DS ran track his freshman year. He started out really out of shape, so he wasn't doing that well until the end of the season, and he ran in a few local races in the summer. His sprint coach was great, and was a fantastic guy to work with.

DS took up rowing the following fall, partly for cross training, to keep himself in shape over the off season. Trouble is, he absolutely loved rowing. He had a hard time decided whether to row all year round, or to take off spring for track. The decision included me timing him on some outdoor tracks during a visit to NYC, where the tracks weren't all covered with snow.

When he made the decision to row exclusively, I emailed the head coach and sprint coach to thank them for their work with DS, and to explain it was a really tough choice for him, but he was dedicated to rowing.

Since then, DS has occasionally raced in some summer track events for the fun of it, and is now rowing on the Milwaukee School of Engineering freshman team. He has a race against Wisconsin and Minnesota Saturday. Wisconsin is one of the top teams in the US, so that will be a tough battle for second place.

Failing to see the exception as it was vastly different than what was described by the OP. In your case you extended a courtesy to two well liked coaches to inform them of your sons decision. You were under no obligation but it was a nice gesture. Leaving a positive environment is far and away different than one that is less than positive or even toxic. Giving the coach a heads up so they can muster peer pressure for several months to sway her resolve is not a great idea.

 

[BobInMadison]

Failing to see the exception as it was vastly different than what was described by the OP. In your case you extended a courtesy to two well liked coaches to inform them of your sons decision. You were under no obligation but it was a nice gesture. Leaving a positive environment is far and away different than one that is less than positive or even toxic. Giving the coach a heads up so they can muster peer pressure for several months to sway her resolve is not a great idea.

Of course they are different.

The point is simply that there is no rule to fit all situations. Most of the time just not showing up next season is fine. There are SOME situations in which a heads up to the coach is warranted.

 

[Sparky Guy]

Of course they are different.

The point is simply that there is no rule to fit all situations. Most of the time just not showing up next season is fine. There are SOME situations in which a heads up to the coach is warranted.

Bob, your DS did not leave a toxic situation, which is what the OP is about. He fell in love with another sport. He was not contemplating leaving due to being unhappy. He made a choice that made him happier and I'm sure the track coach respected that choice. If he had not tried rowing would he have still run track?

 

[Sparky Guy]

As a HS coach, I say tell the coach, the sooner the better. So the coach tries and convince you otherwise, say No, and ask the coach to stop bothering you about it. How much do you really see the coach?

The player tells the coach "No" and hopes it's done. Now the coach tells the other players on the team and they start applying peer pressure for the entire school year. Nope... Not a good choice.

If the coach is working at the school the coach can reach out to the player with ease at most any time.

 

[NorthMS]

Here's my take on HS ball as of TODAY.

DD likes playing for her HS team. Is everything perfect? Nope. Do I feel I have to have my DD in only perfect situations? Nope. My DD isn't likely college material. I could be wrong, but statistically speaking, and having a realistic view on where DD stacks up vs area talent, I don't think she will get recruited.

So, HS ball isn't hurting her "career". It's like everything else in life. You have DD weight the good vs the bad and let her make a decision on what to do. As long as she's in a safe environment, I'm good with either choice. What I won't tolerate, is to complain about the "bad" that she knows going into it. She hasn't done that so far, but I'm watching for it.

Maybe DD is in the small % of HS ball. She has a knowledgeable coach and for the most part, the girls get along. Her experience is a positive one so far. As long as DD is happy with her decision, why should I add to my grey hairs worrying about the little things I don't agree with?

HS ball is not TB. We know that going in and enjoy both. I do see too many parents getting worked up and it nearly always revolves around their DD not getting viewed as good as the parents view them. I'm sorry, but I just don't put a whole lot of weight to those complaints. I'm sure there are exceptions, but generally, parents can't give an honest view of their kids.

 

[riseball]

The player tells the coach "No" and hopes it's done. Now the coach tells the other players on the team and they start applying peer pressure for the entire school year. Nope... Not a good choice.

If the coach is working at the school the coach can reach out to the player with ease at most any time.

On the first day of school at my DD's former HS the players would often be transferred into classes taught be SB or other coaches. When pressed for an answer as to why all the administrators would say is that it is done for various reasons and refused to answer specific questions from parents or students.

 

[BobInMadison]

Bob, your DS did not leave a toxic situation, which is what the OP is about. He fell in love with another sport. He was not contemplating leaving due to being unhappy. He made a choice that made him happier and I'm sure the track coach respected that choice. If he had not tried rowing would he have still run track?

Had he not fallen in love with rowing, he would certainly have still run track. He was looking for a fall sport to go along with track, originally. He was considering football (lots of sprinters are wide receivers) or ultimate Frisbee(R) as well. In fact, the HS UF coach invited him to join the UF team, and the captain of the UF club at his college invited him to join his college UF team as well. Had he not fallen in love with rowing, he would probably run track and/or play ultimate Frisbee(R) at college.


I think we are starting to argue in a situation in which we all agree. I am NOT saying that leaving a good situation is the same as leaving a bad situation. I am saying that FOR THE MOST PART there is absolutely nothing wrong with simply not showing up the next season, but that there are exceptions to every rule.

What should the OP do in this situation? In this particular situation, if the OP's DD simply did not show up for practice the next year, that would be fine. OTOH, she may or may not want to mention to some people, such as friends on her team, that she is not planning to play softball next year, and, if she feels comfortable, to tell them why.