Youth sports--if your child doesn't love it, let her leave it.

[RubberBiscuit]

But not all kids enjoy sport, some of those kids playing video games go on to become computer programmers and will just take up swimming in their spare time. Those kids hanging out at the skate park are still doing exercise and are socialising, which is a huge deal. I think how we judge our kids' success is based on our own expectations and sometimes these have to be adjusted to fit the kid.

I agree, it's not the activity type. Boils down to "is childhood too easy?" If everything is given to them and they never have to heavily commit to something to get a goal then I will say it => THIS IS BAD. We fail at being a parent when we just provide for a child to go where the fun stuff is and never have to put in the sweat-equity-investment.

 

[JJsqueeze]

So I intentionally avoided this thread by title until appartently it got to the third page here specifically as it causes me some pretty severe emotion.

Mr Riseball here eloquently addresses it as I feel too.

I let one of my children quit the "hard" activity (and not swap) after freshmen year to just do whatever the wind carried. HUGE mistake.

I wish I could turn back the hands of time......

I emplore you folks to not make my same mistake. (yes I know this is one data point - but I can see more examples now having approached what should be the "empty nest" phase of life....)

I'm with RB and RB on this. Part of a kids growth is they have to be exposed to some sort of struggle that requires them to actually strive and push themselves to achieve something instead of having it given to them. It does not matter what it is, but they have to experience the failure-pick yourself up-work hard-succeed cycle to know what they will need to do in real life. If they naturally fall in love with something that allows them to experience this then great, if they do not naturally find this then it is a parents JOB to create the situation by making them take an activity to a higher level than they may want in order to allow them to have this experience and FORCING them (yes I said that you have to force you kids to do some things-shocking) to follow through on something. Once again it does not matter what it is, could be academics, could be drama club whatever. If a kid does not engage in a healthy activity then it is a parents JOB to remove things like TV/PHONE etc to create enough of a time vacuum that it will be filled with a better activity.

 

[CoogansBluff]

I agree, it's not the activity type. Boils down to "is childhood too easy?" If everything is given to them and they never have to heavily commit to something to get a goal then I will say it => THIS IS BAD. We fail at being a parent when we just provide for a child to go where the fun stuff is and never have to put in the sweat-equity-investment.

What if your daughter:

- Makes pretty good grades in school
- Does her share around the house
- Is respectful and friendly to other people
- Has a positive circle of friends
- Spends her time doing an assortment of things such as helping cook a meal from time to time for the fun of it, going to the school dance, being in the school play, going to church, going to a museum or concert, maybe have a boyfriend, but nothing that requires being heavily committed.

Would that be enough?

 

[NorthMS]

- Makes pretty good grades in school
- Does her share around the house
- Is respectful and friendly to other people
- Has a positive circle of friends
- Spends her time doing an assortment of things such as helping cook a meal from time to time for the fun of it, going to the school dance, being in the school play, going to church, going to a museum or concert, maybe have a boyfriend, but nothing that requires being heavily committed.

Would that be enough?

I would argue that a kid being that well rounded certainly takes a level of personal commitment. Based off the above, she's not giving into peer pressure, and many of the social aspects that are deemed "ok" today.

 

[MsDinosaur]

^ I required one high school activity. I think my DD thought it was easier to stay in softball, than join the choir, etc. I did let her quit band and basketball and rec softball, her sophomore year. So, I wasn't all bad.

Yep, with us, it was even before her high school years--we wanted her to do SOMETHING. She tried a whole slew of activites and settled on softball as her sport. (She also plays the cello) HS is just starting so we'll have to see what she can and cannot juggle with the increased course load.

 

[RubberBiscuit]

What if your daughter:

- Makes pretty good grades in school
- Does her share around the house
- Is respectful and friendly to other people
- Has a positive circle of friends
- Spends her time doing an assortment of things such as helping cook a meal from time to time for the fun of it, going to the school dance, being in the school play, going to church, going to a museum or concert, maybe have a boyfriend, but nothing that requires being heavily committed.

Would that be enough?

These are great traits and it sounds like you guys have developed a great behaving, socialized, & respectful kid. Congrats - you already did much better than most in this country....

But I suggest that this is but ONE facet of creating a truly great kid to be part of a truly great & STRONG culture.

Let me challenge the "strength" aspect here a bit:

You are raising a child to eventually become independent and with independence needs to come a certain level of strength. We all know that life throws LOTS of curveballs at us. Are you always going to be around to help them deal with all these strikeouts?? (and they will happen) There are many good-behaving and respectful kids that crumble in the face of adversity. The armed services spit them out all the time.

I look at my DD and with the adversity she faced in her SB career and then persevered (through blood/sweat/tears/support/urging) I am super confident that ANYTHING that life throws at her she will end up owning the situation and never crumbling (supported by faith). This is something I WISH I could feel about all kids.

Now I am not suggesting I am any kind of parenting authority. I have made too many mistakes myself. BUT I think I am insightful with what I have done and what was done and like to share ideas with folks looking at the uphill side of parenting yet

Too bad we can't trial parenting virtually before having it be real......

 

[SCDad]

It becomes what the players wants to do in life. For most good softball players, these type decisions start to create conflicts at about 16 years old.

Up to then, the really good players are super committed, and face any and all battles every other softball player faces. Some are really good, and win multiple championships. These players are being all that they want to be. Just the same as some posters here who are soon to play in college. No difference.

Then the young adult has to figure out where their life will go. What path will it take. What is that persons weaknesses and strengths. It is the young ladies life and as long as her choices are positive, how can a parent stop them and force the parents wishes.

At that age of 16, many decide the rewards from softball are not her life goals. Good, bad, or indifferent. The cold hard reality is that softball is not a very good career goal. There are very few pots at the end of that rainbow. So a player who chooses tp progress in other areas of her life cannot be specifically told she is wrong.

My DD made that choice at 16 years old. Was not going to play college softball, though she could have. After a player makes that career decision, then a family has to support it. Own it. Be proud of it.

So this player still plays HS softball. Is on a really good team. Has one more season left as a senior, and hopefully get a hold of the brass ring like she did as a sophomore.

Her career goal, she will go to college local and study in the health care field. Nursing, or Physical Therapy. As a Dad, Who is her soul provider, I am very happy because I get to spend more time with her, and watch her grow even more.

What bothers me most (not really because I don't get bothered) is that many in softball have real difficulty with my happiness. My belief that softball was very good to us, and we got off the softball bus on our terms.

I am also supper happy for the ones who go further. But it is not my nature to believe my parenting lacks, and someone who drives his kid harder, is somehow better. My DD is a class act and I get my thanks from other parents who spend time around my kid, and make remarks about how good a kid she is. That is enough.

 

[Greenmonsters]

It becomes what the players wants to do in life. For most good softball players, these type decisions start to create conflicts at about 16 years old.

Up to then, the really good players are super committed, and face any and all battles every other softball player faces. Some are really good, and win multiple championships. These players are being all that they want to be. Just the same as some posters here who are soon to play in college. No difference.

Then the young adult has to figure out where their life will go. What path will it take. What is that persons weaknesses and strengths. It is the young ladies life and as long as her choices are positive, how can a parent stop them and force the parents wishes.

At that age of 16, many decide the rewards from softball are not her life goals. Good, bad, or indifferent. The cold hard reality is that softball is not a very good career goal. There are very few pots at the end of that rainbow. So a player who chooses tp progress in other areas of her life cannot be specifically told she is wrong.

My DD made that choice at 16 years old. Was not going to play college softball, though she could have. After a player makes that career decision, then a family has to support it. Own it. Be proud of it.

So this player still plays HS softball. Is on a really good team. Has one more season left as a senior, and hopefully get a hold of the brass ring like she did as a sophomore.

Her career goal, she will go to college local and study in the health care field. Nursing, or Physical Therapy. As a Dad, Who is her soul provider, I am very happy because I get to spend more time with her, and watch her grow even more.

What bothers me most (not really because I don't get bothered) is that many in softball have real difficulty with my happiness. My belief that softball was very good to us, and we got off the softball bus on our terms.

I am also supper happy for the ones who go further. But it is not my nature to believe my parenting lacks, and someone who drives his kid harder, is somehow better. My DD is a class act and I get my thanks from other parents who spend time around my kid, and make remarks about how good a kid she is. That is enough.

IMO, the "super-commitment" doesn't kick in UNTIL 16 or so when driver's license/driving, jobs, pocket money, friends, boy/girl relationships, other athletic/academic/social interests, career/college plans progress to the forefront and the players have to start making the individual sacrifices if they want to continue playing the game at a very competitive level. Softball is just one activity that some value highest and prioritize. I worry about the kids that don't have something that they have a passion for and and want to commit to. Softball is just but one of the options that some choose to pursue passionately.

 

[Doug Romrell]

I prefer them have "something they have a passion for" other than just spending all their time with their friends. That seems to be the main distraction for my daughter, more and more she wants to spend every waking moment socializing with friends. That's not something that will prepare her for adult life. These kids should face tradeoffs now. If my daughter wants to quit softball, I expect her to replace that time with something other than just more time goofing off with friends.

 

[SCDad]

I prefer them have "something they have a passion for" other than just spending all their time with their friends. That seems to be the main distraction for my daughter, more and more she wants to spend every waking moment socializing with friends. That's not something that will prepare her for adult life. These kids should face tradeoffs now. If my daughter wants to quit softball, I expect her to replace that time with something other than just more time goofing off with friends.

This sounds admirable from a parents perspective.

What if your DD's weakness is social? What happens when she has no friends and sits in the lunchroom alone? If when she is on the softball field and she treats dad like crap, because she does not want to be there? How do you explain when at the very upper levels of softball, the ones who succeed are male dominated species who are big, carry some extra weight, and have the objective in life that is only aggressive in nature? These are the questions.

Softball is a high performance sport. I get that. Mine has proven she can thrive in that environment. Has done so since 4 years old to now. But then she figures out that she wants to be a lady. Struggles with the social aspects of being just that. You tell me?

As much as I love my DD ... She is still a women!! And society has shown us over and over that focusing on the necessary social stills to be just that can benefit a talented young lady many times over ... Than competing against a bunch on she-males. (Sorry folks ... It is appropriate).

That is the real question here. Make your own choices. We have made ours, and are proud of it.

Mine "could" have made it. Chose not to. As a parent looking in and talking to her, it is the issue of what being feminine is about more than anything.