Why girls give up softball.

[Bob516]

Other than HS football, organized youth sports are designed to have kids are drop out.

Is TB designed to have kids drop out? If so, how?

My DD's high school had 2 freshman basketball teams, 1 sophomore team, and 1 varsity team.

About 50 kids tried out for the freshman teams. Only 30 made a team. Next year, there were only 12 sophomores on the sophomore team. Of the original 50 kids, only 3 played varsity. Of those 3, only 2 had substantial minutes on the floor.



Some kids simply don't have the eye-hand coordination or the speed to play sports at a high level.

It doesn't matter how much they work...they simply ain't got it. And, if a kid doesn't have the inate ability to be good, she should find something else to do.

Softball is just a game.

You are absolutely right, it is just a game, and if my DDs walk away from that is ok. I give them as much room to drop out as I can.

I am just curious if there are signs a parent might notice well in advance, that their daughter might be likely to drop out, or just the opposite, that they are likely to continue with it.

 

[marriard]

From my experience. It no longer being enjoyable - the reasons for it not being enjoyable vary - it can be a grind, or hard, or challenging, or whatever - but it is still has to be enjoyable. There are lots of options for spending a huge amount of your time - why would you choose to do something optional that it is not.

After that it is other interests that they prioritize. There is only so many hours in a day.

#1 No longer enjoyable:
- Parents making it hard. Seriously. If it not their game by 14 they will quit or end up resenting you - or BOTH. In college it is the #1 reason players quit in their freshman season - not because it is hard, but because they finally don't have the day-to-day of their insane parent making them play. BY FAR this is the #1 reason they quit
- Bad coaching
- Being old enough to say 'No'. It is a big step to be able to say 'No' to your Mom or Dad. As in "No, I don't want to play softball any more" especially when she knows that decision is going to disappoint their parent.
- Not playing in games
- Others passing them by/Physical advantages no longer there (early maturers get caught up)


#2 Other interests/no time
- Not interested in going any further in the game
- Being better at another sport
- Focus on school
- Some idiot boyfriend
- Other interests that take up a lot of time
- Going off the rails (I hate to see that, but it happens I am sorry)

And yes the system hurts. It is set up primarily to keep the better players playing. There is very little rec softball for those older than 14 and almost no adult rec leagues. It is either full commitment or no commitment and fewer and fewer options in between.

 

[_MIA_]

From my experience. It no longer being enjoyable - the reasons for it not being enjoyable vary - it can be a grind, or hard, or challenging, or whatever - but it is still has to be enjoyable. There are lots of options for spending a huge amount of your time - why would you choose to do something optional that it is not.

After that it is other interests that they prioritize. There is only so many hours in a day.

#1 No longer enjoyable:
- Parents making it hard. Seriously. If it not their game by 14 they will quit or end up resenting you - or BOTH. In college it is the #1 reason players quit in their freshman season - not because it is hard, but because they finally don't have the day-to-day of their insane parent making them play. BY FAR this is the #1 reason they quit
- Bad coaching
- Being old enough to say 'No'. It is a big step to be able to say 'No' to your Mom or Dad. As in "No, I don't want to play softball any more" especially when she knows that decision is going to disappoint their parent.
- Not playing in games
- Others passing them by/Physical advantages no longer there (early maturers get caught up)

I would add, a perhaps not common reason, to #1, being too hard on one's self. That is why I quit in college. I was starting but I just couldn't enjoy myself anymore, I was way too hard on myself and it made games miserable. Every out, every error was torture. If I could fix one thing
about my baseball career it would have been to somehow figure out early in life how translate the fun I had when practicing to the games..I never could even though my father warned me over and over again.

 

[sluggers]

I am just curious if there are signs a parent might notice well in advance, that their daughter might be likely to drop out, or just the opposite, that they are likely to continue with it.

To be "good", a kid has to love to practice. If you have a major fight every time to get your kid to practice, forget it. Move on.

DD#1 loved to pitch. She liked playing softball, but she *loved* pitching. Sometimes, it was a struggle to get her to start practicing pitching. Once she started, she gave 100% for the entire practice and she would keep practicing until either (1) she got it right or (2) until I quit. I could literally wring sweat out of her t-shirt at the end of practice.

DD#3 played basketball. She broke her leg when she was 12. She would go outside and shoot hoops on the cast. We had to have the cast replaced three times. Our problem with her was to get her to stop shooting. ("Oh, just one more....just one more. Look, at this...one more, and then I'll stop..." At 32 YOA, she is still that way when she touches a basketball.)

DD#2, who wasn't fond of softball or basketball, played water polo. She would make *us* (the parents) take her to practice and games.


Kids won't tell you they don't want to practice any more. What they will do is put up road blocks to practicing. When they do that consistently, they are done with the sport.

 

[Strike2]

I would add to #1, being too hard on one's self. That is why I quit in college. I was starting but I just couldn't enjoy myself anymore, I was way too hard on myself and it made games miserable. Every out, every error was torture. If I could fix one thing
about my baseball career it would have been to somehow figure out early in life how translate the fun I had when practicing to the games..I never could even though my father warned me over and over again.

Amen. I've been guilty of that both as an adult player and coach. I was out last night pitching to DD, and I was seeing her get irritated because every swing wasn't a line shot or a bomb from the first swing onward. She's been in a VERY good place mentally at the plate so far this season, and we talked (again) about how negative thoughts and too much self-applied pressure produce bad outcomes. She relaxed, and the good hits started immediately. Unfortunately, I left my foot exposed after a pitch (from behind a screen), and what came back nearly broke it. DD was, at once, horrified and amused by the pain-induced scream.

 

[BuckeyeBW]

Just my 2 cents because all girls are different. I coach my DD and we play at a very competitive level and very aggressive schedule. We have had the same core 5 players for 4 years now but have merged with another like minded team and took a couple more from teams like ours. I have been an assistant coach on the team for 3 of the 4 years of TB, not by my choosing really. Like most, if not all, coaches I am harder on my daughter than the rest and yell at her way more. She is not the best player but is not the worst and is our #2 pitcher. While we have our tiffs, she and I have a very good relationship and I have become much better at not "yelling" at her all the time and choosing my battles, when to be hard and when not to. I also make sure to be positive as often as "possible". It is funny that sometimes she will come home for a practice so mad at me and threaten to quit, this is just her being dramatic, but whenever my wife or I tell her I may not coach next year she gets upset and says she wants me to coach. That said..a couple times per year my wife and I will sit her down and assess where she is at. We never want to force her to play or to pitch. we make sure she knows the time she will need to spend on playing and practicing with and without her team, how many lessons etc. So far this is the road she has chosen. Now that she plays at this level I could never see her playing at a lower level of TB, she would just quit TB all together before she would drop back down a level. We have always told both of our kids that they can play whatever they want, sports, instruments, chess whatever but they are going to play something and do it frequently, not sitting around all the time on electronics. My son is the opposite of my daughter. While she only wants to play softball only, he wants to play everything but only at a rec level which is fine, he is only 9.

 

[BT3100]

When our DD was 11 and struggling with pitching and hitting my wife and I sat down with her and said that if she was serious and committed we would work to find the best possible coaches we could afford to help her. We were fortunate to surround DD with excellent coaches who know the game, had DD's that made it to the D1 level and were HONEST.. that's what kids need. They need coaches who know the game, how to coach it and they need to be honest. DD's coaches were very open and honest with her about what she needed to do to be successful. She has outworked even our expectations. But without those coaches she would have quit the game by now, I'm certain of that. Just too hard a game to succeed at without great coaching and hard work.

 

[BuckeyeBW]

When our DD was 11 and struggling with pitching and hitting my wife and I sat down with her and said that if she was serious and committed we would work to find the best possible coaches we could afford to help her. We were fortunate to surround DD with excellent coaches who know the game, had DD's that made it to the D1 level and were HONEST.. that's what kids need. They need coaches who know the game, how to coach it and they need to be honest. DD's coaches were very open and honest with her about what she needed to do to be successful. She has outworked even our expectations. But without those coaches she would have quit the game by now, I'm certain of that. Just too hard a game to succeed at without great coaching and hard work.

I agree 100%, finding the right coaches and players to put her with is extremely important, as is finding the right level of competition. My DD almost quit pitching, she had become complacent and really wasn't pushing herself. She dreaded going to see her pitching coach, who is very well known in our area. We found a different/better pitching coach about a year ago by luck, who was new to our area. Now my DD can't wait to go see her p coach and this coach works her way harder than previous, to the point where she almost cried a couple of times. Her pitching has improved dramatically.

 

[WARRIORMIKE]

Its not just girls . Boys are the same way. Its all about growing up. I have told my dd more then enough time, if she doesn't want to do this, then please let me know and we will move on to something else. No harm done. My theory is not to waste peoples time. Not to worried on the money, but time is more important than money right now. College Coaches, travel and high school coaches and mostly importantly HER time . The money is expected. It is what it is with that. My biggest fear is her getting to college signing day and she turns and looks at me and mom and says, " I don't want to play in college." Yea I would be ticked.

 

[BobInMadison]

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