To move teams or stay with current team - A mom's perspective and dilemma

[elizabeth]

My daughter is 12 and will be 13 in April. She currently plays on a 12U team that she loves and she is the "rock star" on the team. But I have a dilemma and I would first like to share my daughter's story.

My daughter started travel ball 2 years ago, (before that she had been in Rec ball). She was 10 at the time but because of her talent I decided let her play up on a 12U team. She fit right in with the girls as far as talent goes. She was a very good pitcher and fielder. For whatever reason, the coach benched her most of the tournaments. We had a tournament one weekend and out of eight games she played a total of 2 innings. The coach would pick up an "ace" pitcher and catcher for the games to win trophies, so my daughter rarely pitched in the games. As a result, her pitching level declined. In addition, the girls on the team ignored her and would not even speak to her. I watched her confidence level go from sky high on the rec team to lower than low on this new 12U travel team.
After 6 months of that team we had enough and finally changed to another 12U team. On this new team she got the playing time she deserved and after 1 year on this team is a completely different person. She is confident again and all of the girls look up to her because she is by far the best one on the team.
Well, now I worry about her not being challenged on this team, so last weekend I took her to a 14U open tryout. Again, she fit in very nicely and did extremely well on fielding and pitching. But when she got up to bat she stepped slightly out of the batters box every pitch because the pitcher was alot faster than she was used to. That is the moment I decided to keep her down 1 more year at 12U.

Ok to my question:

Do we stay on a team, that is comprised mostly of 10 and 11 year olds in which the coach is brand new ( well actually he has been coaching about 1 year)? My daughter has grown to love all of them and they all love her. She is their main pitcher and will get tons and tons of mound and playing time. Her confidence is very high, she is their "rock star" and they would probably lose alot of games without her. OR Move to a 12A team, with a coach who is starting up a brand new team and is recruiting girls with a high 12U skill level. He has coached for 20 years, does not have a daughter on the team, has very high expectations of the girls, such as every girl has to swing their bat 100 times a day every day at home. He will push the girls to their limit, challenge the girls and playing time is earned. We went to a tryout and I was blown away by his coaching skills. He did 45 min. of drills before the girls touched a ball, and had 5 stations set up where no one was standing around at any given time.

Ok, well as a mom of course the 2nd choice sounds better, because I want her to be challenged with girls her own skill level. My daughter on the other hand knows in her heart that to get better she probably needs to change coaches and teams but at the same time she loves the "rock star status" she has obtained, and she also does not want to leave her friends. She of course gets tons on mound time now, and is worried that if she leaves she might have to share the mound with 3, 4 or 5 other pitchers. I think what she truly is scared of is feeling the same as she did on the first 12U team, feeling worthless, not wanted and sitting the bench again. I keep telling her that it is really her choice but she cries every time she has to think about leaving her team. She does not want to make a choice.
As a parent, should I encourage and persuade her to try the other team or should I back off and let her stay with her friends on her current team? Thanks
Elizabeth

 

[George R.]

Elizabeth, you know the right answer. Put her on the team with both her age and talent peers. And, BTW, there are no mounds in fastpitch, only circles. ;^)

 

[sluggers]

What are *HER* goals for softball? Does she want to play softball in HS or college? Does she want to be the best softball player she can become? Or is softball what she does to be around her friends? If your DD was 10 YOA, I would tell you to let her play on the "fun" team. But, she isn't.

12 YOA sounds young, but, in softball terms, it isn't. This is a big time for her. Why? First, her body is going to mature, as I'm sure you've already noticed. Second, all the other girls are maturing also--and the other girls will start dropping out of softball to pursue other activities. The number of players starts to dwindle, meaning that the competition level goes up. If she doesn't improve, she won't be playing softball much longer.

It isn't unusual for 13 YOA kids to be starting on HS varsity teams. If she isn't starting on the HS varsity team when she is 14 YOA, she won't play past HS.

And, that may be OK for your DD. If your DD doesn't want to play sports (and there is nothing magical or mystical about sports) in HS or college, then fine. She should play on her current team and have a good time.

BUT, if she want to be an athlete, she has to switch teams.

On *GOOD* teams, coaches are ALWAYS trying to replace a player with a better player. And, the good players know that. Players have get to used to it, and have to learn what they need to do to stay on the field.

If your DD wants to succeed at athletics, she will have to learn how to fight and claw for playing time. Where she is right now she doesn't have to do anything but show up.

Have you encouraged the attitude that she is "entitled" to pitch? She isn't. She is entitled to ZERO when it comes to sports. The quicker she learns that, the better off she'll be.

 

[elizabeth]

To move teams or stay with current team

Sluggers,
I really appreciate what you said. You worded that very well. I went ahead and let my daughter read what I wrote and the comments and I think she agrees with you. She does want to play in High school and college.Right now she eats sleeps and breathes softball. It is her passion. What I also did not mention in my previous post is that this 12A coach that we are pursuing really likes my daughter and he has 2 teams. He coaches a 12U and 14U team. He wants her to work out every week with both. His 14U team travels all over the United states for touneys. I think working out with the 14 year olds will push her to the next level. Thanks again
Elizabeth

 

[mudbug]

No doubt, go with the coach with 20 yr experience and the talented peers.

It is not uncommon for girls to not want to leave their friends, it is very hard to do that, especially if they are comfortable where they are, and the new is unknown and challenging, which is scary.

The way to explain it to them, is that they are not losing friends, they will be gaining new ones. Girls who compete together at high level, travel together, and practice a lot together really bond. She will make fantastic new friends. In a way, it is like finding a home, finding where you really belong and fit in.

 

[amanda_cake]

I definitely, definitely think that you should go with the 12UA coach. He knows his stuff, she will be challenged, and it will be better for her as an athlete. She can remain friends with her old teammates and form bonds with her new ones. It's important that girls stay challenged so it will be interesting to them.