Tired of being ignored, 10u mom walks INTO dugout to fuss at coach

[Momo'sDad]

I was at a 10u/12u tourney here yesterday and wanted to see some of the 10u teams I'd heard of but not yet seen in action. I went out early, because the start of our season had been rained out on Saturday and I was itching for my softball fix on this sunny Sunday.

During the 2nd game of the day, there was some griping coming from a mother on the team. She was not happy with the defensive positioning. When she was done explaining what should be happening to the parent next to her, she stood up, turned to the dugout and laid out where she wanted the defense set up. When it seemed the coach wasn't listening, she began walking closer while she explained her position. When she was about 6 feet away - and with runners now on 2nd & 3rd - he turned in her direction, put up his hand as if to say 'calm down' and said "I know, I know, but let me coach". His voice was very calm, but during that moment, R1 scored on a WP/PB.

But mom wasn't having any of that. She then proceeded to walk into the dugout and stood right over the coach who was sitting on the bucket and outlined where she wanted the defense positioned and why. This went on for somewhere between 2-3 minutes, with none of the other parents or assistants intervening. I assumed at first that he must be her husband, because he was being very patient and listening to her concerns while also trying to coach the team. She wasn't raising her voice, but her tone was an angry one.

She finally retreated from the dugout and returned to her position near the backstop. When her husband arrived some minutes later, I was a bit surprised, because hubby was not the HC.

But during that whole affair, the PU ended up calling an IP which sent another run home. I cannot say what happened, but apparently there was some problem with the way the signs were coming in from the dugout to the catcher and then to the pitcher. I'd love to have heard the actual ruling on that.

The team eventually lost by 1 run. As you might have guessed already, her DD was pitching.

 

[2 DD Coach]

I would have lost it. We start out every season by laying out the team rules for the players and parents. We make it very clear that we are available to discuss things after practices and games, but during we are unavailable for any kind of discussion.
I have never had anyone test the rule, and as I'm typing this I realized we never came up with a way for dealing with it if it did. Call time out, have her DD leave the field to come sit in the stands with mommy dearest? Don't want to penalize the girl or the team, but this situation seems way over the top, and would have to be dealt with in a way to send a clear message.

Now that I said it, I better figure it out because I'm sure it's going to happen to us this week.

 

[redhotcoach]

At the first parent meeting the "24 hour rule" has to be laid down. I will not discuss any issues for 24 hours after a game.

The small print at most tournaments and complexes state no one except players and coaches on field or in dug out.

 

[GOINGDEEP]

If I had a parent do that, I'd do exactly as she asked. My first defensive change would be pulling her daughter the pitcher and asking them to both leave for the rest of the tournament. It may not be the pitchers fault, but the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

I would never put up with that, and nip it so fast that no one would ever dream of doing it again.

But I would have loved to seen it.

 

[Momo'sDad]

LOL 2 DD Coach!! Yes, if you can see it coming, then you definitely need to determine your plan of action now.

Even though this woman completely disrespected the coach and the team, she wasn't trying to cause a huge scene. And to the coach's credit, he didn't get loud either and was exceedingly calm under the circumstances.

I'm a 24-hour guy as well. The only questions I'll take from parents immediately following a game are in regards to the rulebook. If there's something they didn't understand a softball rule, it's easy enough to give a quick answer, but we're not having discussions about anything, win or lose.

I believe in boundaries and in my program, the dugout is no place for a non-staff parent. The fact that she even thought it was ok to enter uninvited should be firmly addressed. I don't think it would have happened with any of my teams, but you never know what will trip someone's crazy switch.

 

[redhotcoach]

At younger dd's soccer game last year, dw said that a dad from dd's team after sitting, not talking to anyone, got up and walked around field to players side. Dw said she didnt think anything of it until ref stops game and she sees the dad, hands flying all over and yelling, the assitant coach (lady) her hands flying all over yelling, and ref yelling and pointing him out of there.

Later dd said that he told the coach that he doesn't know anything about soccer with throwing in several f bombs. She said assistant (lady) went balistic at him (good for her) about his language and behavior in front of kids. I can't imagine how his daughter felt, being thrown out because of her dads behavior. She never came back to the team.

 

[quincy]

Past fall ball I mentioned, politely, to the Manager a few times how the infield was lined up. Not saying what they should do but observing that the players are out of position. His eyes light up every time when I brought it to his attention and he put the players in a better position.

No way I am going into the dugout and lecturing the coach on how to Manage their Team, DD and family made a choice to be with them.

 

[mad hornet]

If I had a parent do that, I'd do exactly as she asked. My first defensive change would be pulling her daughter the pitcher and asking them to both leave for the rest of the tournament. It may not be the pitchers fault, but the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

I would never put up with that, and nip it so fast that no one would ever dream of doing it again.


But I would have loved to seen it.

You are so right. But....don't judge that coach too harshly. Is this his only pitcher? I know a coach who gave his stud pitcher's mom way too much say so in the goings on last year. Total stud team. This year that pitcher is no longer with him. It's easy to say you would show them the door. It's another to face the rest of the season with no pitching. Not sure what I would do myself. Now if this kid was less of an impact player, well.......

 

[DonnieS]

If I had a parent do that, I'd do exactly as she asked. My first defensive change would be pulling her daughter the pitcher and asking them to both leave for the rest of the tournament. It may not be the pitchers fault, but the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

I would never put up with that, and nip it so fast that no one would ever dream of doing it again.

But I would have loved to seen it.

Guys, I had exactly this situation about 4 months into a 7 year run with my travel team. A kid I considered the best athlete in her age group had a set of parents who were a) rich, b) obnoxious, and c) loved to win. Because our kids had played together , they knew that this was going to be a pretty good team, and because our kids had played together I knew what kind of parents they were. When they joined our group, I laid out a no-warning - run your mouth - your family is gone - preemptive strike notice, in writing. He had been ejected from about half of all the tournaments we had played the year we had coached together.

In our first tournament, we went 2 pool games and one bracket with no issues - the 2nd pool game we were scheduled against a team that was supposed to be the top team in our state (texas) and the 4th best in the country. Whatever - they were good. Knowing we were going to get hit pretty good, I wanted my best player handling center and running the out field, I told the A/H's daughter what my plan was and she said 'cool', she trots out to CF, game starts, we get through the 2nd pitch, and I hear all hell breaking loose behind me in the stands, I turn and see daddy a/h dropping f-bombs, and 'wtf is my daughter doing in the outfield'. I call Time Out. The blue turns and I said , 'Blue - got personnel changes', Blue says 'Donnie gimme a break, we have only had two pitches'. I call my stud c/f out of the field and as she gets to me, I said very loud, ' Kid, get your stuff, your family is off the team.' Her dad, changes mode quickly, and is apologizing, 'man , Im sorry, - hey dont do this, all kinds of stuff', the kid is crying, I opened the gate to help her leave. They leave - then come back and ask if they can finish the tournament and I said no, and give them their tournament money back. They jump in the paper tagged Jag and roar out of there.

I was sad because of the kid but this was also the kid who had led a group of hispanic and black kids (my kid was the only anglo) on the previous team that excluded my kid from their 'girl talks' 'no white girls in this circle' and 'no white girl uses my stuff' etc. etc. My girl (this was DD2) wanted to leave the team after the racist crap - but we had told them we would be there through the end of the season and I didnt want to change that - besides, a lot of people have to deal with that nonsense - I didnt think she needed it but in the long run it probably helped her.

The bottom line is that the rest of the parents knew from that day forward that that kind of crap wouldnt be tolerated - and also that I meant what I said, that your kid would be played where I thought she would help a) the team, and b) herself the most. Btw, this was 12u, quite some time before we worried about recruiting stuff.

 

[quincy]

DD gets us places, if she starts getting penalized for my behavior I am not sure where she would be.