Should I Take this girl?

[andyh64000]

I know I am going agaist the flow but I would take her. I think youth sports are all about helping kids...especially those with issues. I would require that the mother attend every single event and let her know that I can cut her daughter at any time with or without cause.

I just think if we can use this sport to save a kid that is worth more than any championship or trophy.

 

[stephanie]

As the mother of a kid on a team, I would be really ticked off if the coach knowingly brought in a girl with serious anger issues to play around my kid.

 

[Ivy's Dad]

As the mother of a kid on a team, I would be really ticked off if the coach knowingly brought in a girl with serious anger issues to play around my kid.

I agree with Stephanie on this one. The safety of the other girls on the team has to be the number one priority. A girl with anger/self-control issues with a softball bat/club in her hand places every other girl on the team in danger. If she wants to do a sport, let her join the track team. Softball is not the sport for her.

 

[Wookie]

As a parent, if the troubled kid did something to my kid and the coach knew there was a history of this behavior, the coach would have much more to worry about from me than any issue the troubled kid would bring - and I'm not talking about a lawsuit.

As a coach, it's not my responsibility to "fix" a troubled kid as I am not qualified to do that - there are professionals who can do this. I have a team to run and all decisions are made based on what is best for the team.

There have been threads on this forum, as well as others, about removing a kid from the team due to parents' behavior, or even attitude issues with the kid, and we all seem to agree that this is ok to do and is best for the team. And I'm sure some of those kids were great athletes too.

I usually go with my first impression, gut feeling on things, and by the fact that you feel you need to ask the forum for "permission" tells me that you have doubts yourself.

 

[mrslug01]

I think that's the mistake coaches make. They think they can "fix" these kids. Who has time for that? It's difficult enough to find time to coach/teach the other 11 kids who want to be there. Most of us are not professional councelors and that's where many of these difficult kids need to go. It's not fair to the other 11 kids on the team when the coach spends and inordinate amount of time on one troubled kid. because they thnik they can fix them. Usually we can't

 

[bobbyb]

To consider trying to help such a troubled child is admirable. However know this… you are not less than a good person if you do not take on a challenge such as this. The question your asking brings up a lot of issues as you see by the great post by others.

IMHO….This is way more than someone needing structure with a team. The history of being kicked off ALL sports says that wasn’t the solution.

MAYBE your methods of coaching/communicating can help her find a way to ACT rather than REACT…. and CREATE and MAKE CHOICES on how she acts. I say maybe because even if your very good at it, the kicker is this MOTHER. With MOTHER justifying what occurred and her lack of MOTHERING skills that have played a role in where this child is at…. regardless of the environment…MOTHER will have to be considered and it sounds like she needs Nanny101.

There is also one prerequisite that is required that comes up all the time on the message board. Ask yourself and the troubled kid…….the same thing that you would ask your own dd or another player….. about extra work to become a better player ……except change the context to “want to CHANGE”. You would ask..”DOES SHE WANT TO” (DOES SHE HAVE THE DESIRE)….does she want to change? Is she really wanting to change enough to do what is necessary..such as follow the rules. Again history sounds like she may not. She would HAVE to PROVE this to me first... away from my other players.

Softball as a metaphor for life lessons is great and all coaches/parents should use the opportunity to teach those valuable life lessons but that has its limits. Softball as therapy has even more limits. Softball as therapy for a troubled FAMILY… falls in the improbable category.

Another thing I would like to point out…….. It is not always the “troubled kid” that has the history that needs the help, the support, the positive direction and structure ect….. That smaller kid, quiet kid, good kid, non aggressive kid MAY NEED IT JUST AS BAD OR MORE. I have seen when a coach decides to help the “great potential troubled kid” and in consequence altered the course of life of another kid…. changing that persons path in life in a not so useful way. I know the coaches intent was good yet…..really he ended up helping one and hurting another… imo. So what was really gained by this coach?

There are also many ways that you can help this person without endangering other players. Ex: Practice with her one on one for a summer or off season, or better yet..help her set a goal to obtain that isn’t softball related such as grades etc and you mentor-tutor her till she EARNS the right to play softball by accomplishing something that will help her more in the long run….such as education and social skills.

Gather information and point her in the right direction for help…..talk to her other coaches-teachers-counselors etc…Schools usually have resources beyond the ordinary things to help kids. Parents are usually the ones that don’t allow that to happen (wonder if MOTHER didn't take opportunities when she should have). Find her a therapist..i guarantee you they will want to counsel the MOTHER too.

I would of been more comfortable in saying go for it…if there was no violence and if you had not mentioned her size but rather had mentioned something about her mental desire to change, to do better, to act differently, to be responsible etc….this is just my two cents and opinion because as a parent, I too would be very upset if my dd got hurt by a known trouble child with a history of violence and was put in harms way by her softball coach.

 

[wild man]

Well I sure appreciate all of your feedback. I read each and every post twice.
To answer one question she is or will be 14 soon. And would it be a question if she were not athleticly built is "YES it would be.

So what am I going to do? I am not going to let her on. Most of you are parents, That carries alot of weight with me. Some of you are players or were players not long ago that carries alot of weight as well.
Also I spoke with most parents of the team and they are against it And they have more say than any one I think.

I also spoke with the players all of them said no, Even though they dont know her bacause she is new here. And being new I suspect her mom is kind of running from previous problems.

The next factor is my team, They are kind of on the inexperienced side, But have really "Jelled " well together. And we have no real problems or drama out side of the everyday petty stuff.
I have had some troubled kids before but nothing like this and I kind of "Smell a rat" . The Rat being mom.
I believe she wants to use the team as a "Drop Off " for her daughter.
It may sound cruel but I am going with my gut on this one. I think it is grand that so many of you answered . And lastly I cannot go against a group of players and parents who have put so much faith in what I am doing for one kid who could very well destroy the softball program I am starting , Just as it building Momentem.

 

[FastpitchFan]

I would not.

My primary concern is the group, the my secondary concern is the interest of the individuals.

The best way to predict the future is to study the past.

For the remote chance that things might go ''ok'' is a VERY HIGH chance of things going wrong.

As a coach, you already have so many headaches to deal with... why add something that will get you focus on fixing someone's behavior and dealing with her issues instead of thinking about the other girls and how you can get them better.

This girl WILL occupy of lot time that should be spend thinking about your group.

Girls like to have a united front, the social experience is WAY more important than winning games to them. They want to have fun and experience things TOGETHER.

A bad apple, a cancer can throw a whole season through the window.

Unless you are Mother Theresa, I would focus on getting hard-working, COACHABLE, open-minded girls.

It will make your life SO MUCH BETTER and the EXPERIENCE of the girl SO MUCH MORE ENJOYABLE.

You are not running a juvenile re-insertion program or something like this, you are working in an elite sports.

Don't take her - not even with rules, zero-tolerance, etc. - she will require so much attention from you just to deal with her ups and down...

the best case scenario - is it will be OK with several bumps in the road.

The PROS are very low and CONS very high. Balance is tilting one way clear side.

PEOPLE DO NOT CHANGE much, or very rarely.

Marc

 

[Hollyrockartist]

My question would be if this child is that aggressive, why has she not been sent to some type of detention center or behavioral facility? I cannot imagine her punching a coach in the face and the law not getting involved. The mother sounds like she is an enabler and I agree with the babysitting thing - just looking to get her out of her hair and put her off on someone else. We all know the time it takes during practices and then games and tournaments - woo hoo, party time for that mother!

I am, for one, glad that you have made the right decision - discussed it with your parents and players. I am a parent and I can just imagine if a girl went postal in the dugout with a bat and clocked my DD in the head!! It would be a bad situation for everyone - especially the coach. You would have opened yourself up to SOOO many liabilities in taking her. In society today, folks are way too quick to run to an attorney to draw up papers. One wrong move from her could financially ruin you because you were privy to the knowledge that the child has serious issues.

Good for you! Y'all will have a great season with great players and parents behind you and no Dramarama! Good Luck!