I would like to propose a question to all. With all the competitiveness in softball from trying to earn a starting spot on their team to competing against other teams in tournaments. For the parents that do practice with their daughters on trying to develop their skills. How do we as parents make sure that we don't add to the pressure that they already have, and don't chase them away from the game? As we are just playing a game that we all have grown to love.
Parent's game plan
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- Oct 19, 2009
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One suggestion would be to never criticize them during a game. I see some players who are constantly looking over at dad during games and I can tell they are so full of anxiety it affects their performance and detracts from the fun they are supposed to be having.
I remind my DD that MLB players making $20 million dollars a year still make errors. She's her own worst critic, so I find my job as a parent is to try to have her keep perspective. We're making progress, but it does come slow.
Find your daughter opportunities to be around the best coaches you can find in your area. Find the best clinics, find the best pitching coach you can (if she's a pitcher) etc. Get them exposed to people that love the game, are passionate about it, and passionate about teaching it. The best teachers turn out the best students. Passion is infectious.
How about telling them the truth?
1) In the greater scheme of things, softball isn't particular important. There are things much more important than softball.
2) She might fail--in which case she'll find something else to do. If she fails, the sun will still come up tomorrow.
3) If she doesn't love the game, then she should quit.
4) If she does love the game, then she should go at it with everything she has got. There is no point in going 1/2 way. Either you are "all in" or you quit. You do this not because you want a scholarship or you want your name in the paper, but because "that is the way the game is meant to be played".
5) Her personal integrity and honor are more important than softball.
I tell my kids and any other kid who I have coached. They owe the team 2 things. Pay attention, and try hard. If you do those 2 things whatever the results are, are fine with me.
Personally I let my DD control how much we practice. During the season we work on hitting for hours on Sunday morning, if she does not want to do it for some reason I am great with that. If she wants to stop in the middle I am great with that too. She does not need to give me a reason; just I do not feel like doing it today. No speech about you need to practice, etc. We stop, get a slurpy, and then go home.
I also try to get another one of her friends involved in our practices. Sure most the time it is me and her but a lot of time there is someone else.
I make an effort to switch where we practice. I have lost count of how many different fields and parks we have been too. We both keep our eyes out for new places to try.
Sure, our lawn has a path where she drags her pitching foot but I make an effort to go somewhere besides our yard to practice.
I also try to get another one of her friends involved in our practices. Sure most the time it is me and her but a lot of time there is someone else.
I make an effort to switch where we practice. I have lost count of how many different fields and parks we have been too. We both keep our eyes out for new places to try.
Sure, our lawn has a path where she drags her pitching foot but I make an effort to go somewhere besides our yard to practice.
- Oct 3, 2009
- 372
- 18
I think all the advice has been good so far. I will just add the following as both a parent and a past coach, if you say all this stuff and don't believe it your DD will know it. I have seen way too many girls that have parents that live and die by the performance of their DDs. And in quiet moments I have heard them say "all the right things". I have witnessed the enormous pressure that this places on them beyond the normal pressures of wanting to perform well. I have actually seen parent/DD relationships that were defined purely around softball.
Now the irony of saying all that is I have a DD who is maniacally attached to the game which means almost by definition I am maniacally attached to the game.
She pitches, so you know how I spend my free time and MONEY for that matter. But I really really try to talk about and do other things with her. I will admit it is a balancing act because after a bad outing she does look for my input and I am very honest about those evaluations. I believe telling somebody they are doing great when they have clear areas of improvement do a disservice to the serious athlete. So I give her my thoughts and then we move on to other things.
- Feb 3, 2011
- 1,880
- 48
Agreed, Chinami. Give the team focus and effort and I'll always back you. Kids should be taught this from a very early age.
Some of the other points mentioned here are age dependent. If an 8-year-old pitcher only wants to practice one day a week in order to be her rec team 'starter', so what if she's only thinking about being the best on her team instead of being the best in the league? Young people have to be allowed to set her own goals.
My parents (especially Dad) were always relaxed when it came to any of my competitions, not just sports. As a result, I rarely had nerves when preparing for anything, because that just wasn't the environment that was maintained in our household. I'm doing my best to emulate that for my child. She's hard on herself, because she's a perfectionist, not because Daddy wants her to be #1. I have told her a little about what it takes to be successful on this next level and she gets to determine when she wants to work on those things.
On game days, she's focused, but relaxed, because she's already done all the preparations necessary to perform well for her team and knows Mommy and I are going to be proud of her no matter what.
I think it's great to help develop a child's natural competitiveness, but it's far more important to help her learn balance. Despite how much of their lives softball occupies right now, it's really just a tiny part of who they are and who they will become. Never lose sight of the fact that this is just a game and for the most part, the players will realize that, too.
In closing, who cares if a player leaves the game? Playing softball could very well lead a girl to what she really wants to do with her life. Maybe she forms a musical duet with a teammate or maybe long road trips to tournaments help her discover that her true passion is writing.
I'm only speaking for myself here, but my daughter has my support with whatever she decides to do, regardless of how much time or money has been invested in softball. She's smart, funny, unbelievably creative, and beautiful, so I'm sure she's going to have many options as she gets older.
As parents, as long as we teach our daughters to stay relaxed and work hard, they'll be fine, softball or no softball.
Some of the other points mentioned here are age dependent. If an 8-year-old pitcher only wants to practice one day a week in order to be her rec team 'starter', so what if she's only thinking about being the best on her team instead of being the best in the league? Young people have to be allowed to set her own goals.
My parents (especially Dad) were always relaxed when it came to any of my competitions, not just sports. As a result, I rarely had nerves when preparing for anything, because that just wasn't the environment that was maintained in our household. I'm doing my best to emulate that for my child. She's hard on herself, because she's a perfectionist, not because Daddy wants her to be #1. I have told her a little about what it takes to be successful on this next level and she gets to determine when she wants to work on those things.
On game days, she's focused, but relaxed, because she's already done all the preparations necessary to perform well for her team and knows Mommy and I are going to be proud of her no matter what.
I think it's great to help develop a child's natural competitiveness, but it's far more important to help her learn balance. Despite how much of their lives softball occupies right now, it's really just a tiny part of who they are and who they will become. Never lose sight of the fact that this is just a game and for the most part, the players will realize that, too.
In closing, who cares if a player leaves the game? Playing softball could very well lead a girl to what she really wants to do with her life. Maybe she forms a musical duet with a teammate or maybe long road trips to tournaments help her discover that her true passion is writing.
I'm only speaking for myself here, but my daughter has my support with whatever she decides to do, regardless of how much time or money has been invested in softball. She's smart, funny, unbelievably creative, and beautiful, so I'm sure she's going to have many options as she gets older.
As parents, as long as we teach our daughters to stay relaxed and work hard, they'll be fine, softball or no softball.
Good point Screwball! I always remind DD what a friend once told me when golfing "never take advice from someone who plays worse than you".
I constantly remind DD (and myself) a lot of the things all have said; "the priority of sports in our lives, if it ain't fun we ought not be doing it, life lessons to be learned from sport, character is more important than any game", etc.
I also remind her on a weekly basis that this is her game and her choice (TB). However, I also believe that it is important to teach her that anything worth doing is worth doing to the best of our ability. When she decided that she wanted to be a pitcher her mother and I agreed to pay for lessons with the caveat that a certain amount of practice would be required as a result of this decision. There are days when we both don't want to practice, but for the most part she has accepted the challenge. (next school year we get to find out about how she deals with her "saxophone" decision! LOL)
I constantly remind DD (and myself) a lot of the things all have said; "the priority of sports in our lives, if it ain't fun we ought not be doing it, life lessons to be learned from sport, character is more important than any game", etc.
I also remind her on a weekly basis that this is her game and her choice (TB). However, I also believe that it is important to teach her that anything worth doing is worth doing to the best of our ability. When she decided that she wanted to be a pitcher her mother and I agreed to pay for lessons with the caveat that a certain amount of practice would be required as a result of this decision. There are days when we both don't want to practice, but for the most part she has accepted the challenge. (next school year we get to find out about how she deals with her "saxophone" decision! LOL)
