Parents and coaches.

[NVfishing]

Being a softball dad I've seen discrepancies between the parents and coaches every year we've been involved. 4 years of TB with about 10 more to go.

It seems most harsh feelings are a result of miscommunication or no communication between the parents and the coaches.

I've found most coaches are open to discussing problems or perceived problems but most parents don't take the time to talk over what is taking place with the coach. A lot of times this results in girls dropping or going to other programs. I've seen a few blow ups right after games or tournaments.

As a parent when is the best time to discuss a problem or perceived problem?

 

[Coach Beck]

Never after a game, and always face to face......IMO

 

[crystlemc]

The best time to talk to coach is after a practice, or a day or two after a practice/game. I agree, always face to face.


Make certain it's even something that is worth addressing. And just because you paid money to be on the team... well, that didn't buy you the right to have an opinion about much of anything. It buys your kid a spot on the team and you a spot to place your lawn chair and cheer her on.

 

[KevinC]

From the standpoint of a parent and relatively new rec league coach (may not be applicable to travel ball):

Not right after a game. Not in front of any of the players. Face to face is best but over the phone is OK in my opinion.

NO E-MAIL. If I get an angry email from a parent I will not reply by email - I'll call them.

Before bringing up the issue try to look at it from the coach's viewpoint. The coach is trying to keep as many of the players/parents as happy as possible. He probably can't keep everyone happy. If he bows to your demand will he piss off someone else?

If the issue is playing time or positions I'd encourage your DD to talk to the coach about it herself in the correct manner (e.g., Hey coach what do I need to do to get a chance to play SS?). That's what I tell my kids. If it's important to her then she needs to learn to assert herself.

 

[Ken Krause]

Kevin, I think you hit it right on the money for any level of softball. Not after a game, not in front of the players, no email. All of those sound right to me.

I think most coaches want to be fair to all their players. Sure, a parent may have an over-blown opinion of his/her own daughter, and there certainly are cases where the point of coaching is to give one's own daughter all the advantages. But most are doing the best they can, or at least the best they know how.

Don't assume you know what the coach is thinking. Ask for a meeting, and try to find out where the coach is coming from with whatever is bothering you. In-person is always better, if for no other reason than people tend to keep their emotions more in check when they are in front of the other person. Also, it's really hard to detect nuance in email, so what may seem like an innocuous statement to you may be quite incendiary for the person reading it.

Going face-to-face can be unpleasant. Most people don't like confrontation. But it's the best way to address the most serious issues.

The important thing to keep in mind is it's a game. That goes for both sides. If you keep that perspective, there will be a lot less need for these sorts of meetings.

 

[FPMark]

My favorite is, "Hey coach, why don't we go get something to eat and have a (insert favorite beverage), I'm buying". I know they have something to say, but I actually don't mind going....Just sayin'.

 

[Coach JV]

Face to face is best, phone is 2nd.
Never right after a game/tournament.
It is best for both sides to have a night to reflect
and see things clearly

 

[jacketsfan]

I have a sligthly different viewpoint. I would take calls after tourneys, or even talk to parents after games. I would rather do it then, than have someone show up on Monday to give me their jersey.

BUT, you have to know who you are dealing with. DD's havd had coaches that go ballistic if someone talked to them.

I am a dissenting opinion of this, too, but I am against the DD has to do the talking thing, as a coach or a parent. Yeah, they have to learn to stand up for themselves, but talking about these issues with a coach is a very daunting thing.

I agree that most conflicts arise from miscommunication, or lack of communication. I err on the overcommunication side, which gets me into trouble sometimes as well.

 

[absdad]

It seems most harsh feelings are a result of miscommunication or no communication between the parents and the coaches.

You cannot communicate when you're angry, or emotional. You can talk, yell, and scream, but cannot communicate.

As a parent when is the best time to discuss a problem or perceived problem?

24 hour rule, ALWAYS. That way the emotion is not a part of the discussion.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

I like the 24 hour rule, because then you get a chance to talk to your DD. She may not want you approaching the coach.