Nothings ever good enough approach...

[left turn]

The ride home is the hardest part of my day! As a parent, it's really hard to strike the right balance.

I read an article on high performing teams in the workplace and came across the Losada Ratio – The difference between flourishing and struggling. The Losada Ratio is the relationship between positive and negative statements needed to improve the chances that a person will flourish (as opposed to struggle). Losada Ratio: 3 positive comments to 1 negative comment. The negative comment should be concerning a problem (while being instructive, encouraging or challenging) and not just criticizing the player for failure. (Dr. Marcial Francisco Losada is a social psychologist specializing in high performing teams and organizational change).

 

[COACH SLIM]

My daughter also plays TB.We drive 30 miles twice a week just to attend practices. Our games are even furter away on weekends. Two days before her rec league no hitter she pitched for her travel team in game 3 of a long sunday afternoon. She looked fantastic. Than came inning number 6.Up by alot,the coach decided to switch catchers(bad idea), and call pitches she wasnt comfortable with.The final inning lasted forever as I watched 3 drop 3's and 4 walks with a couple of hits turn into a disaster.We had no other pitchers available.She finished finally, we still won, but she was visably broken. I kept quite, my heart hurt. She came back to town ready to rumble in her game for first place.She did that. All I could tell her was WOW...you were amazing, and you know your grandpas never happy.

 

[starsnuffer]

Congrats on your daughters game and for gramps for making it out.

She's a pitcher, you're not, so you don't understand, she's not as soft as you are, she can take the criticism.

-W

 

[Coach-n-Dad]

As far as the Grandpa is concerned; whoever said that he was wrong is off their nut. Most Grandpa's never see their Grandkids play sports AT ALL, so the fact that he is interested enough to be at a game is awesome. He stayed for the whole game and gave her a hug before he left. Unles she was crying on the way home from what he said, it's all good. Kids understand adults better than we give them credit for.

As for the "Nothing's ever good enough approach"... No. Girls at all levels of sports need encouragement during a game. DD's coach tells the team that if they make an error on the field, they are allowed to think about it for 3 seconds then forget it. The coaches NEVER say anything about the error during the game. The player knows she made an error, she usually knows why and doesn't need negative comments for 5 minutes reminding her of the error. A good coach will make note of the error and weather it is something that needs work, if so it is something they work on at the next practice.

 

[left turn]

Screwball, the intent of the Losada reasearch is not that each coach has some sort of positive/negative comment abacus to tally their comments. It's about awareness and having a positive outlook on balance. The idea of flourishing and struggling is the key. Based on the personality of the player and the players personal emotional reserves, a preponderance of negative comments will drive a player to a lower performance. Also the positive comments can't just be any comments. They need to reflect reality in some meaningful way to have the desired impact. Otherwise it turns into the worst of the soccer-style everybody gets a medal mentality that is essentially meaningless - which is to your point about comments that can be "phony and vapid and false". The players know when they are being played with meaningless positive drivel. Coaches can find things in each player to encourage to help balance the other side of the ledger.

 

[ElmoBlatch]

Grandpa was wrong. This is a 10 year old! She had an amazing pitching performance. I think it is probably OK to discuss the walks sometime in the conversation but it should not be the first words out of his mouth. That's my 2 cents.

 

[MandM]

If your DD starts expecting that the only acceptable pitching performance is one in which no walks or hits are given up- she is going to be in for several years of disappointment- don't you think. There was an interesting discussion on the pitching forum about the fact that if a pitcher is not giving up a walk from time to time - they are probably being too careful. Grandpa doesn't understand that- but that's him.

From what you have said, it seems that she exceeded all expectations in this outing- she deserves a wow! and great for her- celebrate it. Don't pick it apart. SHe will now have reset the bar higher for herself though. Help her to back it down. Give her some things to work at for each outing- so she can have markers to to demonstrate to herself that she making steady improvement. Maybe trying out a new pitch- having a certain goal for first pitch strikes- stuff like that. AT 10U - still time for fun, not too much seriousness

 

[Country Boy]

My 16yr old opened the 3rd inning by rolling her changeup to the catcher. After the inning, I complimented her for throwing something unexpected at the batter to start the count. She said, "Yeah, but I bounced it in there." I said, "Yeah, but I liked the approach."

These girls don't need us telling them what and when they screwed up. (I work with older players, though.) They know better than we do, oftentimes. I never discuss a physical error during a game. They happen. I will discuss with a player a mental error as that is sometimes best to do while it is fresh in their mind. But always in the dugout or off to the side. Never in front of a crowd.