Nothings ever good enough approach...

[COACH SLIM]

In a rec league game which was a battle between two undefeated teams my 10yo daughter threw a complete game no-hitter.Here are her stats - 6 IP, 0 HITS, 18 K'S, 4 BB, 0 RUNS. I did expect for her to do very well but this was her best performance by far.She is a gamer.Anyway, after the game her grandpa's(my father) first question was why did she walk so many batters? He then told her that it seems she gets a lead and loses her focus. Than he told her you did alright, gave her a hug, and left. I was raised this way and am not sure it is the best way but I love my popps. As a youth coach I love to tell kids how good they do...sometimes over looking something small thats wrong. Ive coached with other coaches who are never happy and always nit picking at players. With this age group, my approach to coaching is as positive as it can be while still being informative.I have been told by many that the "nothings ever good enough" approach is much needed and that it is what drives top athletes to get better. Any opinions?

 

[MTR]

In a rec league game which was a battle between two undefeated teams my 10yo daughter threw a complete game no-hitter.Here are her stats - 6 IP, 0 HITS, 18 K'S, 4 BB, 0 RUNS. I did expect for her to do very well but this was her best performance by far.She is a gamer.Anyway, after the game her grandpa's(my father) first question was why did she walk so many batters? He then told her that it seems she gets a lead and loses her focus. Than he told her you did alright, gave her a hug, and left. I was raised this way and am not sure it is the best way but I love my popps. As a youth coach I love to tell kids how good they do...sometimes over looking something small thats wrong. Ive coached with other coaches who are never happy and always nit picking at players. With this age group, my approach to coaching is as positive as it can be while still being informative.I have been told by many that the "nothings ever good enough" approach is much needed and that it is what drives top athletes to get better. Any opinions?

If that were true, more than 99% of todays young athletes would never be good enough. I'm not saying you give a trophy to everyone, but just because you don't always win, doesn't mean you haven't reached your goal.

 

[quincy]

Generalization but. I find most people have a problem giving a compliment without then following it with a caveat. I fall into this trap but make an effort to avoid it.

“You did great”, you can see the person waiting for the but part.

 

[sluggers]

First, it really is wonderful your father went to the game. By the time my kids started playing ball, all of their grandparents had passed on. Your DD is very fortunate, so you and she should count your blessings.

But:

As a youth coach I love to tell kids how good they do...sometimes over looking something small thats wrong.

They have parents to tell them how wonderful they are. A coach is there to give objective feedback. You shouldn't overlook their mistakes, no matter how small. "Trifles make perfection, and perfection is no trifle." Michelangelo.

In softball, little mistakes win and lose games. Execution is everything.

Timing can be an issue. I prefer to tell them immediately, but that is my style. The kids don't mind, because it isn't about anger, it is about instruction. There are others equally effective approaches.

I have been told by many that the "nothings ever good enough" approach is much needed and that it is what drives top athletes to get better. Any opinions?

Sure...once a player is satisfied with her performance, she should quit and go play tiddly-winks.

 

[JAD]

Congratulations on your DD's great pitching performance! It sounds like your DD is ready to move up to TB! I am a little like your father too. I praise my DD when she pitches well, but I also point out things she could have done better. I never want her to become complacent and think she is good enough 'as is' and does not need to keep practicing! You need to continue to push your DD to compete against better competition.

 

[mad hornet]

This is a character flaw, one which I also possess. You aren't going to change grandpa. My dad was the same way. Me, I'm the same way at work. I can walk onto one of our jobsites and the most minute thing out of place will jump out and scream at me - forget all the other good work our guys did. It can be a curse. I recognize this about myself and am working to improve.

The right way to act when a 10 YO pitches a shutout with 18k's is you congratulate her for a great game - PERIOD. Wait till her next work out to talk about the stuff she needs to improve. But for that moment, let her bask in it and enjoy an ice cream.

 

[GOINGDEEP]

What was the score?

If it was 1-0 or 2-0, I can hear my dad now, "what's wrong with the rest of the team, Suzie throws a no hitter and the rest can't put a few runs on the board".

If we slaughtered them " coach, you shouldn't have done that, those kids will have nightmares all week about this ".

But my dad would say it with a slice of humor in his voice.

 

[obbay]

Grandpa is supposed to offer unconditional support. He's the one who's wrong.
Your DD pitched a helluva game and it might be a long time before she comes close to that again. enjoy the moments when they happen. My DD pitched a similar (but I'm sure not quite as good) game when she was U10. I had saved the ball and was going to write the stats on it but never did. I've since lost the ball and the stats. I wish I had done that, she'll never be 9 again.

 

[redhotcoach]

I used to do the same to dd as your dd's grandpa. Win, lose, or even destroy teams, dd and I would be fighting mad with each other by the time we were home. I heard Sue Enquist speak about a year ago, the subject of dads and dd came up. She said the best, mentally stable athletes she had at UCLA were all girls who's parents gave them space. What really hit home with me was: "dads always want to break down the game right after ward, like the car ride home. Girls hate talking about the game right after it is over. When you get in the car, talk about going to get something to eat, talk about a movie, talk about anything except the game."

Things are so so much nicer when I follow that rule, and I realize that she is non the worse from the lack of break down after the game.

It is SO hard for me to do though!

 

[CoogansBluff]

Anyway, after the game her grandpa's(my father) first question was why did she walk so many batters? He then told her that it seems she gets a lead and loses her focus. Than he told her you did alright, gave her a hug, and left. I was raised this way and am not sure it is the best way but I love my popps.

I think kids who play sports are judged too much, period. That includes criticisms, but many compliments too. Kids play the game, and then adults (parents & significant others) feel the compulsion to judge what just happened. Most of the time, they'd be better to say, ''I sure do enjoy watching you play, that was fun!'' and leave it at that. What the kid thinks about what just happened is more important that what the parents and grandparents think.