My DD is average.

[SamG]

OK, that may be a bit harsh. But I'm sort of bummed out about a travel team tryout yesterday. Here's our story...

DD (12 in June) had played soccer for a couple years and got tired of it. Wanted to try softball. That was 1st year 10U. Spent most of the time in the outfield (when she got off the bench). At the end of the season she decided she wanted to learn how to pitch, so we go to the local pitching coach. She pitched Rec league fall & spring. Was on a glorified "all star" travel team put on by the Rec league. Started travel season as #2 pitcher, fell to #3, then came back to #2. Fall ball last year had a total of three games because of rain outs. Continued pitching lessons (once a week) through the winter. She's trying out for the middle school team and tried out for an area travel team yesterday.

She's been taking pitching lessons for less than two years. She has a fastball in the high 30's/low 40s, starting to hit her marks (low inside/outside) and a change up she's working on. She has a bad habit (about 50% of the time) of crossing her arm across her chest on the follow through.

The travel team coach after seeing her hit and pitch simply said she has potential. Said he needs to talk to the other parents to see how many kids they want on the team (he said he currently has 11, but one is a "maybe" and doesn't like girls sitting on the bench). We'll find out later this week. DD said she tried her best in the tryouts but knows she could have done better (some nerves).

She likes team practice & pitching lessons, but doesn't like when it's just her & me. I can send her to the basement to throw against a mattress in the cold wx, but she won't do it on her own (unless I tell her in the morning to do it, then sometime during the day she will).

I feel like I've posted all this before, and I guess what I'm asking for now is... I don't know. I'm not planning on her getting a D1 scholarship (yes, I HOPE she will, but not counting on it). *I* want her to play & contribute through HS. She says she wants to play through HS (of course, this could change). I guess the question is how many years/seasons does it take to (not really the right word) excel?

I should also point out I continuously ask her if she wants to play softball, and she always says "yes". I've told her I won't be upset if she says "no", but we'd have to find some activity for her. SHE told me she wants to try out for the travel team.

Like I said, I'm just kind of bummed about the tryout yesterday. If I had to rank her skill set, she's probably an OK 'B' player. She's better than Rec, but nowhere close to being able to compete (hopefully yet) on an A team.

 

[sluggers]

*I* want her to play & contribute through HS.

Doesn't that one sentence explain it all? Your dream is for her to play in HS. It is not her dream.

Kids often do not tell the parents clearly and frankly that they don't want to do something, especially when the parent is invested in something. Kids tell the parents by their actions. If she wanted to play, you couldn't stop her.

Good coaches will tell you unanimously that the only person who makes a player good is that player. Coaches and parents can only help. If the player doesn't want to do it, it doesn't matter how much talent the player has. It won't happen.

That doesn't mean your DD is a bad person or that you are a bad parent. It means she doesn't like sports. So what? Millions of girls live rich, fulfilling lives without ever playing an inning of softball.

On a more philosophical level, if you take your children where *you* want them to go, then *you* won't grow as a person. If you let your kids lead you into experiences that you may never have found, then you as a person grow.

 

[SamG]

Ray-

I put that line in there because I knew someone would want to know if I'm a "crazy dad" and pushing her to do something she doesn't want to. I've given her plenty of opportunities to say she doesn't want to play (the only caveat is she has to do "something", not just sit around the house). Everytime there's a clinic, "Hey, do you want to do this clinic?" "Yes". "Do you want to play travel ball, rec ball, or find something else?" "Travel ball" So what am I supposed to do? "Sorry, you can't play softball because you don't want to practice 24/7."?

Also, I wouldn't classify it as my "dream" that she plays HS ball. I want her to succeed in ANYTHING she does... I'm guessing most parents feel the same way. Succeeding in sports means playing. I want her to have fun. I want her to be a member of a team (softball, academic, track & field, archery, drama, chorus, I don't care) because I know the good things that can come from being on a team.

Now, is it possible she gives me the above answers because she thinks that's what I want to hear? Sure. Do I have to "push" her to practice? Yes. No different than parents have to push kids to do their homework (she does) or keep their rooms clean (she doesn't). You know what, *I* never liked to practice (at least by myself). So I can't exactly fault her. She knows she needs repetitions to get better.

My DS (6) is outstanding at soccer for his age group. That's probably because he watched his sister play when he was 2/3 and was kicking a ball around a practice and games. So he's been doing that for 4 years. I just read (on this site and others) "my DD is 11, throwing 50mph, has a curve that moves, is working on the rise ball, can hit HRs every time at bat, etc". Now THAT'S looking at things through a parent's eyes. I get it. But surely there are some other parents out there who are just happy their kids play.

 

[absdad]

Sam.. You didn't really say how often she practices. As a pitcher, it needs to be quite a bit. I don't think two years is not long enough, just depends on the amount of practice and commitment. There are different levels, and each requires a certain amount of skill and commitment. And not every girl is going to be Jenny Finch. I wouldn't be ready to write the whole thing off on one tryout. Look at several teams, to find a good fit.

 

[sluggers]

You know what, *I* never liked to practice (at least by myself).

You are making the mistake of taking your experiences as a HS athlete to evaluate your DD. This is going to sound ridiculous, but: she is a girl and you aren't.

At 12 YOA, your DD is about 95% physically of what she is going to be. Girls are often physically mature at 12 or 13. (You probably had a growth spurt at 14 or 15 that completely changed you physically.) Emotionally, she is probably 4 to 5 years ahead of boys her age. She understands the basic principle of "practice means I get better, which leads to more playing time, which leads to more success." She isn't you at 12...she is more like you at 15 or 16.

So what am I supposed to do? "Sorry, you can't play softball because you don't want to practice 24/7."?

You aren't telling her, the coaches are telling her she can't play travel ball because she doesn't practice 24/7. A 12 YOA girl throwing 40 MPH isn't average for travel ball. It is *BELOW* average. The average 12YOA travel ball pitcher throws 50.

She should forget about pitching, learn another position, work on her hitting, and go play rec ball and have a good time. As long as you aren't living on the West Coast or in Florida, she'll be able to play HS softball.

I want her to be a member of a team (softball, academic, track & field, archery, drama, chorus, I don't care) because I know the good things that can come from being on a team.

Right...help her find what she wants to do.

I had three DDs. Two were good athletes, one wasn't. The one who wasn't an athlete ended up in marching band, going to a state competition for creative thinking (that was an experience), lettering in a varsity sport (she didn't 'contribute' as you say, but she was part of the team), and being offered a music scholarship. Guess which of the three had a more interesting high school experience?

 

[Coach-n-Dad]

12YO average speed = 50?

 

[Coach-n-Dad]

Sam,

She is 12, let her be a kid and decide for herself what she wants to do. She will have a lot more fun doing what SHE chooses to do vs. what YOU decide you want her to do.

Who knows, maybe she will choose YOUR favorite (softball)!

 

[SamG]

Ray,

What I'm trying to find out is whether a 12 YOA who's only been pitching for 18 months should be throwing 50mph? In other words, did the "average" travel ball player just start playing in U10? I'm guessing most players started at 8 (or younger). This ties into the thread on kids "focusing" on a sport early.

You aren't telling her, the coaches are telling her she can't play travel ball because she doesn't practice 24/7.

umm no, she's tried out for ONE travel team (yesterday).

She should forget about pitching, learn another position, work on her hitting, and go play rec ball and have a good time.

I'm sorry, I have a problem with this statement. Maybe it's because it's my DD, but why would you tell ANY child at age 12 they should "forget" about something they like to do?

I also have a hard time picturing myself telling her to give up trying for travel ball and just play rec. If she doesn't make this team, maybe that will make her try harder. Or maybe she doesn't care. Maybe I'm not "crazy" enough for this board.

 

[SamG]

Sam,

She is 12, let her be a kid and decide for herself what she wants to do. She will have a lot more fun doing what SHE chooses to do vs. what YOU decide you want her to do.

Who knows, maybe she will choose YOUR favorite (softball)!

I'd be more than happy to let her choose. In fact, we've had numerous discussions about whether she wants to keep playing softball and every time the answer has been "yes". I admit she could be just saying that to try to make me happy, but how do I know? I've told her I won't be upset if she wants to give up softball and try something else.

 

[SoCalSoftballdad]

Sam - it should all fall into place, if she is good enough to make a travel ball team she met her goal. If she doesn't she either a) stays in Rec b) practices harder and at a later date trys out again for travel ball; c) she quits the sport and does something else. I wouldn't get discouraged by sluggers comments, I think he is a realist who understands the process and your DD starting "late" to softball is going to make it that much harder to play travel ball. I think you will find out real soon how commited to SB she is and how hard she wants to work for it. Good luck.