machines vs. ball players

[softball_chic_12]

A random thought crossed my mind while reading and hearing about young girls having oral contracts with colleges. And I wondered what all of you thought.

Is there a point where a kid no longer becomes a ball player? when they no longer play the game because they love it, but play because it's all they know? or it's what they are counting on to get them into college? How do parents and kids find the balance? what would you do if the parents were the ones forcing the child to practice so much? what do you do if it's the kid driving themselves constantly into the ground so they can be better? Is the line crossed often? When you cross the line, is there ever any going back?

It was just questions that ran through my mind and I was curious what everyone on here thought about it.

 

[quincy]

I have seen a handful of parents drive their kids into the ground. In my opinion this has never gone well. Most the time their kids are fundamentally good but they are missing the “love of the game” that makes a ball player. I have had a few really good kids drop out of ball because of their parents “drive” to make them better.

With the age of kids I work with, 12 years or less, I strongly encourage them to be involved in other sports and social activities. Missing games or practices is OK to me as long as our Team has a fair shake and I know what is going on.

Unfortunately a lot of times there is no going back.

My DD is a very good softball player, she is being recruited by a few teams which I am not necessarily happy about. She could be a lot better but she has other things going on. This week she is working with a local high school’s cheerleaders from 5 – 7 every day and will be cheering at the football game on Friday.

 

[starsnuffer]

Great question.

I'm not sure I have any answers. I've participated in organizations designed to get kids into college and organizations that were designed to give kids a chance to play competitive softball. . .and I've run away from organizations designed to give daddys a chance to do godknowswhat.

Concerning playing softball for college:

Many parents/kids see it as a road to get them into a good school. They realize that in this day and age, a 4.3GPA, 1200 SAT scores, and having 7 extra-curricular activities is just the bare minimum to get their application reviewed by a top tier school. Being really good at something (in addition to mastering whatever public education tries to teach) really goes a long way especially when scholarships are sought out..

That said, if you add up the amount of money put into travel ball over 6 years in a top notch organization, one could clearly buy their way into the school and pay for college. However, after knowing many of the families of these kids, I've come to realize that if that much money was sitting in a savings account or other investment instrument, the parents would just as likely blow it on a shiny new truck/suv or trip to vegas, so maybe, for them, travel ball really is a sound investment.

"Being a kid", I think, is independent of working oneself into the ground. Some of the best players I know are able to turn their "softball face" on and off like a switch. They can be deadly serious about the game one minute, and goofing off chatting about whatever it is teenage girls chat about the next. To the lay person, they would not appear different then any other teenager (unless bicep size was compared).

Some kids do cave under the pressure. Some were never designed to be so hardcore about any one thing. Many families are torn apart by it, and the road to D1 softball is certainly littered with the broken dreams and families of those who tried and did not make it . . . but that's what life is about. You try, you take on a challenge, and you either succeed or you fail. You learn from it either way and you either keep going and try again or you submit and realize that life is more enjoyable from the back seat. Nothing wrong with either, but if everyone could be an elite player, it wouldn't be special.

What drives me crazy are the parents (and some coaches) who actually break their kids mentally. They could have trained german youth in another life, because they really do use the same psychological tools used to brainwash people, remove their personality, and re-program them. I don't think you can blame softball for that, you can only blame the culture they come from and society for still being accepting of it.

-W

 

[Ivy's Dad]

The most important point is it MUST be the child's decision to play. My DD knows that she can always quit softball AT THE END OF THE CURRENT SEASON. She can not quit mid-season, because it would not be fair to her coach and her teammates. If it is truly the child's uncoerced decision, I don't think there is too much concern about "burn out".

This is a very personal topic for me. My father was a fairly well known swimming coach in the 1970s, and I HAD to swim competitively from the time I was 7 YOA. I was forced (and I do mean forced) to train 6 days per week, 11 months per year. By the time I was 12 YOA, I HATED swimming. When I graduated high school, I intentionally attended a college that did not have a swimming team. 30 years later, I still have no desire to swim. I cringe when my DD asks me to take her to the community pool, but I do 'cause she's my DD.

If the parents are supporting their DD's interests, then I don't think there's any chance of becoming a machine. Whether that be rec. ball, travel ball, or school ball, if it's not fun something is wrong. My DD loves to practice, so fun and work can occur at the same time. When she stops having fun, I'll recommend she try something else.

 

[quincy]

My DD is a very good softball player, she is being recruited by a few teams which I am not necessarily happy about. She could be a lot better but she has other things going on. This week she is working with a local high school’s cheerleaders from 5 – 7 every day and will be cheering at the football game on Friday.

I might not have stated this well but I am very happy with this. In the scheme of things softball is low on our list.

 

[PAcoach]

I've seen parents push. Some were athletes themselves and others were not, that are now living some dream through their kids. I'm not sure one is better then the other. If i think a parent is pushing to hard, i tell them so. I've seen girls tell their fathers they are tired, but they keep pushing. When my daughter says she is tired, i beleive her, i know the feeling because i went through it too.

 

[Coach JV]

SBCHIC: Is there a subliminal message in reference to your situation? If softball
is not fun any longer-quit! Softball is a game, games are meant to to fun.

It is the sometimes the parents and/or coaches that make the game for themselves
rather than for the girls. I had a long talk with my daughter (who I coach) and in no
uncertain terms, I told her that when and if the time comes that she is not enjoying herself,
just walk away. Not mid-season, but, I will not be upset or disappointed in the least that
she wants to pursue what makes her happy. Right now, she is all about school and softball,
we have a great time together, I do not showcase her (daddyball) nor do I push her. The only reason I
coach her is because she wants it because I am fair and give her no special treatment.

Too many times, I have seen mom and dad push little Suzie thru a sport or activity that she is not enjoying.
Life is too short for this to happen. As a coach, it is easier to have a team full of girls who want to play
for themselves in the dugout. I try to weed out the girls who play for other reasons. These are the parents that bring
undo drama to our lives as coaches

 

[Amy in AZ.]

I knew a young man that was pushed in baseball since he was 5. He was an excellent athlete and super person. His dad would gripe at him all the way to games and all the way home. He wasn't drafted out of HS. He played in the Big 10 and wasn't drafted out of college. He went as a free agent and was cut. He picked himself up and carried on.

His dad is still the unhappy man that he always was.

 

[softball_chic_12]

I knew a young man that was pushed in baseball since he was 5. He was an excellent athlete and super person. His dad would gripe at him all the way to games and all the way home. He wasn't drafted out of HS. He played in the Big 10 and wasn't drafted out of college. He went as a free agent and was cut. He picked himself up and carried on.

His dad is still the unhappy man that he always was.

what a shame. and Coach JV, i wasn't talking about just me. I used to push myself too hard. but then softball wasn't as fun. and i realized that. so i took a little break and went back and was a little easier on myself and now softball is much more enjoyable. but after reading about those girls who already orally commited i wondered if any of those girls were "machines" and not just ball players.

 

[sluggers]

I had two kids who played college athletics.

Is there a point where a kid no longer becomes a ball player? when they no longer play the game because they love it, but play because it's all they know? it's what they are counting on to get them into college?

I think it is more like, "counting on a scholarship".

How do parents and kids find the balance?

By understanding:

1. You can buy an ounce of gold with an ounce of time--but you can not buy an ounce of time with a ton of gold.
2. All athletes, sooner or later, quit.
3. Women's sports doesn't mean diddly squat to 99.99% of the people.
4. Life after softball is much more important than life during softball.
5. There is no money at the end of the softball rainbow for playing.
6. College sports is a tremendous amount of work.
7. Players in college are there for one reason: To do what the coach wants.
8. The only real reason for any woman to play sports is because they love the game. Otherwise, it is a waste of time.

what would you do if the parents were the ones forcing the child to practice so much?

Nothing...if parents ask for help, I offer them what I know.

what do you do if it's the kid driving themselves constantly into the ground so they can be better?

It depends--is she having a good time doing it? Once DD#1 started practicing pitching, I had to drag her away from it. I don't know how many times they turned the lights on us to get us to go home. DD#3 would practice shooting for hours (She wore out FOUR casts because she refused to stop practicing basketball with a broken leg.)

Is the line crossed often? When you cross the line, is there ever any going back?

No, not really. When a child goes off to college and they start playing sports, she learns real quick what college sports is all about--loving practice. If you can't imagine enjoying catching 1000 pop-ups or running suicides for an hour, then college sports aren't for you.

So, lots of kid quit after of college ball, because they hate what they are doing--and, they should quit. Life is to short.

Parents need LISTEN and WATCH their children. A real simple way to find out if your kid wants to play a sport is to not say anything and not do anything unless asked by her. If she loves the sports, she'll be dragging Mom or Dad out the door to get to practice or a game.

IVY'S DAD: The best female athlete I've known (she was a better athlete than Candace Parker) had a similar experience. She never played a sport in college.