How many of you have cut a girl because of her parents after the Fall season?

[guero_gordo]

You could have just come to me directly, no need to go behind my back like this. ;-)

 

[James Smith]

I was thinking the same thing.

Was the question how many time has DD been cut because of me?

 

[Easton33]

Some are now saying that the problem will show through the kids attitude and performance and that IS different. You cut a kid because they aren't performing well, not because there parents are a pain.

I have seen nasty, horrible parents and no I would never cut a kid because of it. If that parent is acting this way in public, they are even worse in private. I would talk to that kid and if it is that bad, consider a call to children's services.

If you cut them, do you give them all their money back?

GG

Kids get cut quicker because of parents than they do because of performance.

Calling "children services"? Seriously? Ok, you have taken this to a whole different level. Bad "softball parents" cause problems socially, (talk about how much better their kids are than other players, talk about how bad the coach is, always stirring some type of trouble on the team between players, coaches, or other parents, hollers directions to kid from stands or fence, etc...) Generally speaking they want the best for their child and step on others to try and get it even though they may not deserve it. Nobody is talking about a child coming in with a broke arm and a black eye. Sometimes I do wish their was a special "jail" for bad softball parents but realistically they want the best for their kids they just try to get it the wrong way.

 

[cmustangsfp]

The parents who are the cancer do not believe they are the problem. Here is an example:
Lets call the player Sally. Well, Sally came to us highly recommended (by her parents anyways). She had some speed to her pitching but she was off (sometimes by a country mile). "It's just her nerves." the parents say. "She'll settle down." Put her in the first inning (of a pool game) and she gets shell-shocked, 8-0, no outs, so I pull her and move her to 1B, where she commits 4 errors. We leave that inning down 10-0. During the inning I ask the dad, who is over by the dugout "encouraging" his DD, should I pull her or let her work through it (since she was new to the team, I asked for his advice. If she had been with us longer I would have made the call). He says "Naw she'll work through it..." She doesn't get anymore playing time that game since I had a heavy roster and we were going to be run-ruled after 3 anyways. However after the game the parents blame the coaching staff for "destroying her confidence". Every time she pitched for us it was like this (though I never let it go 8 runs anymore). Her parents blame her former pitching coach (who just happens to coach our DD's) for her being "screwed up" and says her new PC has to undo everything the old pitching coach taught (ironically they both taught the same style, just different thought processes. old PC taught control and placement over speed, new PC teaches speed over everything, then control, but only after you throw it fast). It was never her DD's fault, always someone else's fault. I even gave her mental cues that would cause her to pitch great, but her parents told her not to use my cues. I took the pressure off of her with reassuring comments and the parents would put it right back on her with negative comments. The parents began the poisonous chatter with another set of poisonous parents. The rumor mill was in full effect and the girls started believing what their parents were telling them and it was spreading like a cancer amongst the teams. The girls became very cliquish and stopped associating with each other. They were competing amongst themselves instead of against the other team. It soon became Parent Camp A against Parent camp B and the peacemaker parents trying to float between camps. When we went to a tournament and won, it was because the coaches got lucky, when we lost it was because we sucked as coaches.

So should the coaches have kept those parents around and let them to continue to poison the team? No we sent them, their DD and if their dog would have been there, we would have sent them packing too. We also sent the other parents packing. In fact, the whole team imploded due to the poison that had been spread. The team was not salvageable after about 5 tourneys. That was my first introduction to TB as an AC. I learned that if you try to keep the poison parents around to keep the girl, you end up losing the girl anyways because you lose the team. Now that I am the HC, I WILL NOT TOLERATE DRAMA.

You say the parents are the reason that the girls got there, true they are also in their ears on the way to the game, during the game, on the way home from the game and during the time between games. If they are constantly filling their ears with poison, no amount of coaching will be able to undo it. I could get Sally to throw 4 strikes in a row and just one word/glance from her dad (shaking his head like "Don't listen to what he said") and she would hit the middle of the backstop. So yes those parents need to go.

You also say that if you found out that the coach didn't like you, you would make it your mission to make sure your kid got cut. Why not instead, try to find out why the coach doesn't like you? Maybe you did or said something wrong. Not saying that coaches are perfect, but communication is a two-way street. If they aren't communicating with you, then you open the lines up, if they still don't speak then maybe it is time to walk.

 

[Eric F]

Last July, my DD's 8U All-Star was considering adding a player to the roster for the State tournament because we were down one whose family couldn't get out their vacation plans. From the pool of 8U players in our league, there was one who everyone agreed was capable of stepping in and playing at the All-Star level. However, everyone also agreed that adding her parents to the mix wasn't worth it, even for just one week.

Parents are definitely a part of the equation.

 

[GatorGirl]

First off, I am not back peddling, but want to apologize. This was posted under coaching and I am not a coach.

But I wanted to explain why this really ticked me off. As a parent of a kid who is working really hard and one day would like to be on a travel team, I have gathered a lot of input from this board about what is required to be on travel.

1. Really skilled
2. Really skilled at a lot of positions
3. Can hit
4. Can hit really well
5. Taking lessons is advised and/or required
6. Playing rec ball with friends in highly discouraged
7. Playing other sports is highly discouraged
8. Going to school activities is highly discouraged
9. You are required to practice up to 5 days a week
10. You are required to travel all weekend
11. You are required to have a good deal of money to pay for dues, tourneys, travel costs, uniforms equipment etc....

And NOW to see that my kid might be cut because of my behavior??

I would sincerely hope that if you do decide to cut a child and their family after meeting all of the above requirements you would sit down and have a frank discussion with the parents first that they are the reason and then a second meeting with the child and parents if the behavior continued so the parent doesn't blame the child.

Children's services are called for much, much less. You can be guaranteed that if a parent is willing to behave badly infront of everyone, it is much worse at home.

Lastly, with the travel team that was put together from our two rec teams this fall(and destroyed our instructional season opportunity), I found out that they already had about 6 of the kids picked before tryouts. A parent with a set of twins said you take both or you can't have the good one(oh and their uncle was the coach) so well, travel ball doesn't sit in the best light with me right now.

I will bow out now.

Namaste,
GG

 

[Little Angels Softball]

I have cut girls because of their parents and by doing so have made the teams they were on much better for doing it. It has always been the right decision and I have never had a reason to go back and question it. The only thing I've ever questioned was why I didn't do it sooner.

I am considering doing it again after this fall season. I have one mom who is starting the cancerous talk .... only in whispers at first, but it is still there. Her DD is as sweet and terrific of a girl as you'd ever want to meet and probably goes top nine on my depth chart, but I have started to notice she is no longer as attentive and willing to accept coaching as she once was. Cancer spreads.

I need to have a talk with mom before I do anything. I will do that soon. However, if I hear one more instance out of her, the family is gone. No need to lose more than one girl or have other unhappy families over one parent's inability to STFU.

Note: I would not cut a girl due to poor performance. That is on me for either not getting through to her or picking her in the first place. As far as I'm concerned, it can only be remedied at the following year's tryouts.

 

[Eric F]

Simple solution, GG. Be nice, and get along with others.

 

[Easton33]

7-11 are wrong. I won't do a step by step analysis but largely they are up to the player and parents.

Children's services are not regularly called for less and do not investigate because you have a bad attitude because your dd is on the bench or is not playing her preferred position. Child Services should be called in cases of abuse, not because you disagree with a parents behavior. You will see many people and parents throughout your TB career that you will disagree with and you may find them and their behavior repulsive. That doesn't mean they are bad parents or that your view of them is accurate.

 

[Little Angels Softball]

And NOW to see that my kid should be cut because of my behavior, if it is poisonous??

There. Fixed it for ya.

Like Eric F says, there is a simple solution that will eliminate all your worries.