How do you deal with parents....

[LadybacksCoach]

I see why people are giving you greif because you have sent a mixed message.
Pitcher 1 pitches 1st inning, Pitcher 2 pitches 2nd inning, Pitcher 3 pitches 3rd inning, but then you steered from that. Wouldnt just be weird if a coach made in game adjustments. [sarcasm].

People here keep talking like winning in 8U Rec isnt important..

 

[SoftSocDad]

Cruel comments about 8U softball? Bad parents in 8U? This is a nice little post from a local message board after this past weekends state tourney.

"03 XXX Vs 03 XXX what a joke. Maybe the past XXX teams could compete and even beat the XXX but not the 03 XXX. They played 3 times this past weekend and only managed to score 7 runs.Well either XXX are better coached or Dumb and Dumber are coaching the 03 XXX !!! Go watch both teams play and you vote. Sure wish the 03 XXX could have kept it together they at least put up a fight. The arguement over who is the best 03 team in the state, was answered this past weekend, so dont ask again."

I am sure rants like this will help this organization find great parents and kids to come join them in the future.

Gotta love those competitive t-ball parents.

 

[Chewy_06]

Oh wow. Sorry to hear it, but, know the issues well myself too.

Im a first year U10 coach and have coached my DD for five seasons now & have had a few "challenging" parents. At our preseason meeting I made it clear that play time would be as fair as I could make it. I also explained that regular season we'd work hard to move the kids around as much as we could with the exception of pitching (we would run dedicated pitching practices - and woudl not be pitching kids who did not attend them; I also explained that we would be building two pitching rotations - an A rotation, kids who were attending and COULD get the ball over the plate consistently and a B rotation of the kids who were attending and still developing - and that I would shoot for about 70% of innings in regular season play to go to the A pitchers). everyone was JUST fine with this. This fit into my philosophy of having fun and learning.

And now, some 35 games into our season, weve had at least one inning of B pitchers every regular season game & the three A kids have pitched about 71% of the innings (equally to within an inning no less)

I further went on to ask the parents how THEY wanted to see us approach tournament play. We could do the minimum and play to have fun and learn. Or, we could pay to play in more & configure to compete. I further explained competing would still mean equal play time - but, it would mean that the coaches will put kids where we need them & rotating them around would not happen. Again, unanimous agreement.

This is where what i call "parent goggles" come out. The problem with these parents who were so eager to see us compete, is that in tehir eyes, their kids are the best at any given position - and, of course, the coaches who do things that are obviously wrong to them (since their daughters are ALL the stars of the team - concurrently at that) are people who do not have a clue what we are doing.

Every tournament has caused great grief and stress with at least one parent. One has repeatedly accused me of not playing her daughter - despite having the statistics right in front of her. The same one then accused me of not playing her daughter where SHE wanted her to play and threatened to complain to our association. Well, ok mom, you go RIGHT ahead with that one. Anyway, needless to say, they seem to feed off of one another & inevitably, at every practice / game a different one will pull me aside to tell me they didnt like something about the tournament.

One didnt like that I pulled his daughter aside after a tough inning and told her what she'd done wrong, why it was wrong and asked her to please not do it again (this was only probably the 10th time she'd been told).

Another didnt like that I had their kid on the bench during a critical inning. Umm, it was her turn dad. This kid was one of our weakest players and we were in a tight game, up by a couple and were facing elimination. Reality was, id made my game plan pre-game and we were still on it. It WAS his daughters turn and the bench time was COMPLETELY even.

Another didnt like how we had my DD playing first and not his. Well, thats because my daughter actually tries to catch the ball there dad. Yours just watches it go by and doesnt even make an attempt to reach for it.

Another didnt like how his daughter was repeatedly singled out for not paying attention during a game. Yup. Sad fact dad, your daughter is the only kid who really has trouble staying focused. I explained to him the same thing i explained to her, stay focused and pay attention to the game, or you will give me no choice but to pull you from the game and put you on the bench. He wigged out last night - I pulled his daughter in four successive innings. One warning & then off you come.

Another, quietly says, you know, my daughter doesnt like the outfield. Can you explain to me why she's not getting any infield time in tournaments? Well mom, your daughter isnt reliable at catching, resists our efforts to get her throwing better and is one of a couple of kids on the team that are really struggling to learn how to position themselves situationally - which pretty much means when we are trying to compete, I have 8 or 9 better choices for the four infield positions she has any chance of doing. If she wants to play infield in tournaments she needs to make some big steps forward.

Another kid talks back to me. The first three times it happened she was warned - then benched the fourth. Now, in a game or practice, she gets one warning - what did you just say? that is not appropriate, you will not talk to anyone like that, if you choose to do that again here to us, you will sit on the bench. Do you underderstand? good. Now, tell me what i just told you. Good, she understands. When this kid is in that mood, it usually only takes minutes before she lets fly again and ends up on the bench. The mom, she'll give me heck for treating her daughter that way - I consistently reply the same way, please deal with the problem, not the way we're forced to deal with the problem. I wouldnt like seeing my kid benched, but, if id seen my child do what yours does - even once, I would be all over HER about it, not the coaches & if it had happened a second time, she might well be done with ball period.

Wow, that was actually kinda therapeutic.

Thanks for that!

 

[quincy]

Wow, that was actually kinda therapeutic.

Nice rant.

 

[LadybacksCoach]

Wow, that was actually kinda therapeutic.

Sounds familiar.

 

[Momo'sDad]

I had to sit in on a 14u team meeting yesterday evening (because the team was having internal issues) and was blown away by the behavior of one parent, in particular, who was actually worse in person than she was via email. The volume and rudeness were not at all appropriate to the setting, to say nothing of the fact that hers was not a legitimate gripe. Specifically, she's upset that her daughter is being 'used for her hitting' and rarely plays on defense. She is in the lineup as the DP most games, because she's a good hitter, which allows a poor-hitting fielder to play in the flex position.

The child will finish the summer season with her all-star team, but I think it will be very difficult for her to get picked up for a fall team, which is unfortunate, because she is a great kid.

 

[realcoachchris]

No coach Kevin it wasnt ego. If you want to know the WHOLE story Ive known the father for over 20 years and he threatened me with bodily harm cause HE felt his kid was better at 8 years old then playing the outfield. So I put him at a position like his father wanted Thanks for asking though

 

[realcoachchris]

Sluggers, Its not a "my way or the highway approach" never said it was. The problem was the parent and parents childs playing time you cant please everyone its never gonna happen. What I said was the same as having parents sign a 'rule of conduct" before the season. A coach wether its rec or travel or select does it for the love of the kids and the game parents seem to miss this sometime, so establishing that YOU are the coach isnt a bad thing is it? If a parent has an issue then it should be taken care of off the field and done in the appropriate manner which is fitting for everyone involved. I agree 8u is definitely about learning so is ALL forms of sport at any age but in the end its the coaches decision which child plays when and where. If a parent has an issue then they should coach or assist so they can have more of a say in what goes on