We also have a family rule (I have an older son): If I have to bug you, push you, or threaten you to get you to go to whatever practice or game or rehearsal or performance you're supposed to be going to, then we need to reconsider it as a "passion." Kids should, by age 11-12, be able to start finding inner motivation and passion on their own. Otherwise, I would seriously question why they're doing it - and whether it's worth the time and money.
I'm with you. If she complained about practicing or going to games, the decision would be easy. We'd make it for her!
DS is a totally different story. Help!
Has he tried individual sports like tennis or swimming? Sounds like he's into video games, so how about something like fencing? BMX?
Your daughter sounds a lot like my oldest (thus this topic). My youngest has played and enjoyed t-ball, and also takes ballet and gymnastics. But she has zero interest in soccer.