How did you decide?

[RetiredCoach]

C/N: Daughter is in too many activities. How do we decide between them?

What do you expect? This is a softball forum! Drop the ballet but soccer is OK for now. Enough said...

 

[BStine]

Ha! Well, I knew everyone here chose softball. I was more interested in the choice itself.

 

[sluggers]

You are worrying too much. Your DD is 10YOA. If she misses a year of softball/soccer/ballet and decides she made a mistake, then there is no harm done. The critical age is 13YOA and 14YOA. Let her drop whatever she wants now. If she really misses it, she will let you know.

At the young ages you have a bunch of girls who matured early physically. So, you will have kids at 9 and 10 YOA who are much better than everyone else. Around 12YOA, the kids even out. Then, at 13YOA, the athletes who are really "good" begin to standout.

I coached a 1team in a 10U YMCA basketball league of about 100 kids. My DD#3 (1300 points in HS, all conference in college, won a D3 national championship) and Candace Parker (Olympic Gold Medal, NCAA player of the year, WNBA Rookie of the Year, etc.) played in the league. My DD#3 and Candace were in the top 10 players, but there were better players at 10YOA.

Three years later, Candace was arguably the best HS basketball player in Chicagoland. Two years after that, Candace was the best HS player in the country.

 

[BStine]

Good point, of course.

 

[Il softball fan]

"She plays club soccer at a fairly high level (think A travel). She' s a forward and scored 55 goals last season (about 30 games)."

As a former soccer player, all I can say is holy crap. If she continues scoring at anywhere near that rate as she gets older she will be a flat out STUD. Soccer at older ages does not have near as much scoring as defenses get better, but someone scoring at a rate of more than a goal a game is amazing.

 

[BStine]

That whole team is stacked. There was another girl who scored nearly that many, one in the 20-ish range, and several in the low teens. They went undefeated last spring, and only lost about 4 games all year. But I'm guessing it will go down this year. They moved to 9 v 9, larger field, and they moved to an even more competitive division.

But who knows? They regularly scrimmage against older girls from the same org and either win or hold their own despite being outsized (for the most part).

 

[WARRIORMIKE]

As noted earlier in the thread, BStine's DW was a dancer. You would know that if you didn't have a short attention s Squirrel!!!!!

To much reading. I was just hoping someone was going to get my batman reference !

 

[Me_and_my_big_mouth]

DD was in Softball, Soccer and Figure Skating and doing well in all. But it was too much for my wallet and watch, even with my mom helping with getting DD to skating lessons. Her mom, my ex, was too busy doing her own things.

I just told her she need to decide which sport to drop, which to do for fun and which to do serious. Figure Skating was dropped (YAY! they might as well have hooked a vacuum tube to my wallet), Soccer for fun and serious softball.
It worked out great. Time and money was freed up, she got to play with her soccer buddies a few more seasons and gradually progressed up the ranks of softball teams. She's now in her Junior year playing D1 ball.

My DD was a figure skater, too. When she started softball, we were doing both for a while (a few months). At one point, I realized that we'd eaten in the car or out more than we'd eaten home and that was that.

We don't have the luxury of doing both (I hear you on the vacuum thing) and we just flat out said so. The crazy thing about kids this age is that EVERYTHING tends to be SUPER IMPORTANT . . . until next week. Just make her pick, and throw yourself into it 100% without looking back. I sorta miss skating, but she's better at softball and I have discovered that I love being warm.

We also have a family rule (I have an older son): If I have to bug you, push you, or threaten you to get you to go to whatever practice or game or rehearsal or performance you're supposed to be going to, then we need to reconsider it as a "passion." Kids should, by age 11-12, be able to start finding inner motivation and passion on their own. Otherwise, I would seriously question why they're doing it - and whether it's worth the time and money.

 

[CMMom1740]

My DD was a figure skater, too. When she started softball, we were doing both for a while (a few months). At one point, I realized that we'd eaten in the car or out more than we'd eaten home and that was that.

We don't have the luxury of doing both (I hear you on the vacuum thing) and we just flat out said so. The crazy thing about kids this age is that EVERYTHING tends to be SUPER IMPORTANT . . . until next week. Just make her pick, and throw yourself into it 100% without looking back. I sorta miss skating, but she's better at softball and I have discovered that I love being warm.

We also have a family rule (I have an older son): If I have to bug you, push you, or threaten you to get you to go to whatever practice or game or rehearsal or performance you're supposed to be going to, then we need to reconsider it as a "passion." Kids should, by age 11-12, be able to start finding inner motivation and passion on their own. Otherwise, I would seriously question why they're doing it - and whether it's worth the time and money.

Question for you unrelated to softball: My son is 10 and not an athlete (I said this in an earlier post). Given his 'druthers, he's be on his ipad or DS 24/7. Obviously, I know that's not healthy and don't condone it. I want him to have some sort of physical activity; I don't really care what. He's in karate and doesn't like it. Our contract is up in December. I'm leaning toward renewing the contract just for the sake of having him do SOMETHING unless he can come up with an alternative. I've asked him 75,000 times what else he might like to do. He has started archery lessons, which is cool, but it's still not a lot of activity. If I didn't have to literally push him out the door to play outside, I'd be OK with him not doing an organized activity, but that's just not how he rolls. Any advice???? DD is so easy in this regard; she wants to do too much. She wanted to take up lacrosse on top of softball and basketball and I had to put the kibosh on that. DS is a totally different story. Help!

 

[Me_and_my_big_mouth]

Question for you unrelated to softball: My son is 10 and not an athlete (I said this in an earlier post). Given his 'druthers, he's be on his ipad or DS 24/7. Obviously, I know that's not healthy and don't condone it. I want him to have some sort of physical activity; I don't really care what. He's in karate and doesn't like it. Our contract is up in December. I'm leaning toward renewing the contract just for the sake of having him do SOMETHING unless he can come up with an alternative. I've asked him 75,000 times what else he might like to do. He has started archery lessons, which is cool, but it's still not a lot of activity. If I didn't have to literally push him out the door to play outside, I'd be OK with him not doing an organized activity, but that's just not how he rolls. Any advice???? Help!

Keeping in mind that each kid is different, blah blah blah . . . (there's my disclaimer).

Here's what I know about my boy, and what I would have done differently.

1. Take away the video games and computer games. No kidding. No time limits, no earning it, NOTHING. TAKE IT AWAY. Might seem extreme, but our teen became reclusive and addicted. Couldn't get him off it. I'm not a mushball, either. I had limits. I blocked the wifi. The little bugger built a vpn AROUND my network because he's smarter than me. If you absolutely must allow him to have the electronics, insist that it go in a public space and monitor it.
2. You don't have to spend big $$ on an activity that a kid isn't passionate about. When it all comes down to it, my kid wanted to be with me. Doing stuff. You can save yourself the heartache and drama and expense of pushing him into a club activity by just taking him camping/hiking/jogging/biking. Many times, we as parents say, "I don't have time to do that stuff" but think about the time you have to shuttle them around to clubs - and the time you spend WATCHING him. Some kids just aren't geared for club stuff. My son took piano, swimming, baseball, basketball, and football. He loved piano to a point - but then just stopped practicing and stopped trying. Well why in the world would I pay for that?? I think you need to ask yourself why you're wanting him to participate in this stuff. For college? Then take the $10k a year+ and throw it in a bank account. He'll be socially awkward for a while, but he'll have college tuition.
3. I wish I had not pushed him to participate in several sports that made him actually feel badly about himself and taken that money and time instead and gone away to the beach for a couple weekends, gone hiking, or gone for a bike ride.

I know - this forum is girl's fastpitch - but hey, you asked.

Oh and to cite my sources as far as sons go, mine will be 19 next Monday and is in the Navy now - so his lack of physical prowess during his adolescent and teen years didn't seem to hinder him either socially or physically. The video games, on the other hand, seriously affected his grades and his entire high school experience. Just food for thought.