Homesick

[BB875]

That is all true. It depends on the kid. Is she ready to be out on her own? If she's not prepared, it may be tough seeing the family only a few times throughout the school year.

 

[GOINGDEEP]

So many people criticize coaches that do not recruit from smaller teams/organizations, these are some of the reasons why. When playing for the large orgs. the kids play out of state on a regular basis, travel alone, room with other kids they may or may not know, budget their money for the duration of the trip, ... So when someone says "the best player on the field isn't even being recruited by OU, Bama, or Florida and I have no idea why." Well, these are a lot of the reasons why!

Two really good posts and points Sling. It's always a crap shoot even if all the ^^^^^^ ingredients look good. I NEVER want to come across like I'm trying to talk a DD or parent about not chasing dreams. Too often we hear ( on message boards - or in our own community ) about "Sally" signing/going to ________. Parties are thrown, parades are marched, high fives are in the air. What we almost never hear is the follow up if things go south, that's usually swept under the rug and not reported on the boards. It happens too often that male and female student athletes find out "they weren't ready" to be 10 hours away and independent.

A simple way to describe it would be those teens who can't wait to get a place of their own with a roommate. The excitement and anticipation of endless freedom is almost ecstasy. That first month or two is a new adventure everyday. Staying up as late as you want, having friends over anytime you want, eating what you want, controlling the tv or radio, no one telling you to clean up or how to spend your time off. ITS PARADISE!!

Then..........it sinks in. OMG, bills are rolling in, where's all my money gone? All those late nights.........ops........I forgot to study. Your friends might have different class schedules, wanting you to stay up/out late on the nights you have early classes. Some of those friends aren't cleaning up after themselves ( now you know how your parents felt lol ). Some friends may be experimenting with alcohol, drugs. Then those friends start eating your food, drinking your soda, "borrowing" your clothes, using your shampoo, etc. Some of those new friends may not play sports and have the early morning conditioning. Boys, let's not even go there. It can be overwhelming for even the most "prepared", simply because it's so much so fast, without that "leadership" "guidance" you've had for 18 years.........a few feet away.

One of my DD's softball mate is going thru this now. She's from BAMA, the coach set her up in an apartment with another out of state player. They are on opposite ends of personalities, school priorities, and social etiquette. I'll be real surprised if she comes back after the going home for the Christmas break.

There are many who will find going away to school to be a positive adventure, and will make the most of it. As always I'm just giving my personal experience, good or bad, to share with others who soon will be making their own choices. What works for Sally might not for Susan. As parents, we have to still be realistic as to "what" will be a successful college experience. We also have to advise and prepare them for the next level in life, beyond the chalk lines.

 

[Greenmonsters]

Next year my dd will be going to school and playing ball 1800 miles away. I said almost the exact words. I said if you go there and if it doesn't work out, you can come home. But don't have any regrets about what you could'a should'a done. DD has one former team mate that did not make it one semester at a decent D1 school and is back home at an NAIA school. A present team mate that de-committed from a top 20 D1school to stay closer to home. Don't be that 30 yr old that says "well, i could have gone big time BUT".

A very good point, but the corollary is that you don't want to be that 30 yr old that says "well, I could have gotten a good education while in college that led to a rewarding career instead of playing big time softball BUT".

Obviously, the best solution is to find the level/school that allows you to do both!

 

[Cannonball]

Good points and I can't wait to see how some of your dds do. Per mine, we did set up a radius of 5 hours from home for dd to play softball at. That is what she wanted as well. Far enough away but close enough ... With my dd, the decision was not made based upon my ability to watch her play college ball but rather, the quality of education she was going to receive in her projected major. My dd wants to be a teacher. She is playing at the top college in the State of Missouri for teacher education. It didn't hurt that the coach that took over the program was recruiting her at a D-I school. It didn't hurt that she was offered an incredible scholarship. So, lets be clear here, dad didn't demand that the kid stay close enough to home that I could watch every game. Per the regrets, because a player goes D-II doesn't mean that they will have regrets. That suggestion is pure BS. DD's team went 42-13 last year and played the best from across this country. I do think that a part of the "homesickness" that happens to some of the girls is that they get to a program and discover the truth about where they stand on that team. The recruitment is over and now the rubber is hitting the road. Some players can handle not being the star anymore and bide their time in a program. Some can't take it and especially, as with me when I played, the lower level recruit gets to do all of the grunt work. Factor in school work, road games, early morning weightlifting and long intense practices where you are the whipping child if you don't measure up and it is easy to see why some want to come home. Literally a game that many of them loved has been turned in to work.

 

[GOINGDEEP]

A very good point, but the corollary is that you don't want to be that 30 yr old that says "well, I could have gotten a good education while in college that led to a rewarding career instead of playing big time softball BUT".

Obviously, the best solution is to find the level/school that allows you to do both!

Ole Green, I need to hear your take, as a former D1 catcher, on the new proposed "no collision" rule in MLB. I'll be checking that thread for your opinion. Thanks.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

I often think of Elena Delle Donne, the #1 6'5" basketball talent that went to UConn, directly after HS graduation. She stayed 1 night or 2 and had a friend come get her and move her home. Things worked out well for her, but unless you are #1 in the country, it is sometimes a long climb back up to success. Elena was attached to her handicapped sister, who she didn't feel that she could leave. She played a year of volleyball at Delaware and then, went back to basketball. She is now a pro player. The thing that I thought odd about her story was that she said that she hadn't liked basketball, since she was 12YO.

 

[slingnit]

A very good point, but the corollary is that you don't want to be that 30 yr old that says "well, I could have gotten a good education while in college that led to a rewarding career instead of playing big time softball BUT".

Obviously, the best solution is to find the level/school that allows you to do both!

Yeah, my dd had an almost perfect fit with the school she will be attending. So easy for me to say. But in no way do I think going to a "BIG TIME" school is always the answer. It seems some kids may be afraid of success, being homesick, losing boyfriends, ... Things of that nature. Those types of reasons are what I was referring to, should have been a little more clear.

 

[crankermo]

As usual some great points from first hand experiences. My DD's criteria for picking a school was;

A). EDUCATION

B). Not going to lie her dream since she was 10 was to play D1 in a power conference

C). Find the best fit from a coaching staff standpoint. Here's why that's so important IMO. For the next 4/5 years they are going to be the closest thing to parents for these kids and they need to know they are being cared for and not just for softball stuff.

D). She wanted to fall in love with the campus and city

E). The size of the scholarship. Our mutual goal was to make sure she got the biggest ride possible so her post graduate debt would be as small as possible. My wife and I decided that all of our kids would make their own way in life just as we have. We were given nothing and we've managed to make a good life and to have a retirement fund for us when we decide to retire. I personally think kids are given things way to easily know and it robs them of the feeling of accomplishment of earning it on their own. It hurts immensely to watch my kids struggle at things but I also know if it weren't for my failings I wouldn't be where I am now.

F). Distance from home. My DD had an offer from a bigtime program out west but she wanted family and friends to be able to watch her play also.

All in all the journey has been wonderful and we look forward to the next step but regardless you can't be afraid to ask the hard questions to your kid, yourself and most importantly her future coaching staff.

 

[Cannonball]

The wife, kid and I went out the other night to a local Applebees. We ran in to a former area standout who waited our table. I coached against her in another sport and so, I knew instantly who she was. Our dd was wearing her softball hoodie and so, they started talking softball. This young lady had gone Big 10 to play. In stature etc. she is a lot like my dd and so, they had a good laugh or two. As an FYI, she did have regrets. She had a good scholarship. She had academic monies. She also, like so many others, took longer than 4 years to graduate. She said that the debt she incurred that last year left her with over $30,000 in loans. She said that most of her teammates were in similar boats and especially those that did not take a summer class or two at home.

I think that additional debt is something often left out of these equations when people are talking about their child's choice of college, level of play, how far they go away from home ... Daddy Bragg -- DD just got all A's again and so, now qualifies for another academic scholarship. We will fill out the paperwork to see if she is granted it. If so, the minimum amount the wife and I pay now will be eliminated. However, dd did mention that she too will have to go an additional semester after he playing days are over. At the most, that will cost us very little in comparison to some of the schools some of you are talking about. Even though she is going to school in another state, we are close enough that she gets in state tuition. Something to think about.

 

[Sweet Lou]

By the time our kids are 18 and going off to college, they should be doing what is best for their career and figuring out what they are going to do for the rest of their lives. Having daughters go to a school close to their parents just so the parents can see their softball games should be one of the last factors in their decision making process on what college they should attend. I know its hard to let go as a parent, but I personally would be extremely disappointed in my kids if they got accepted to some top colleges but chose to stay local for me.

As Cannonball points out cost can be a factor. If parents (and or scholarships) can cover costs this may not be an issue. Not softball related but I do know folks who went to "top notch schools" and now regret the debt they piled up coming out of college and in retrospect wish they had "gone to local state school".