Father, I name thee “Sir Hector”

[lostbayou21]

This is a great thread. As a coach I push my daughter waayyy too hard and then hate myself for doing it. I've had a number of heart-to-hearts with my DD apologizing for a piss-poor attempt at motivation. Someone on this site had a saying that hits the nail on the head. It went something like this: "Boys have to play good to feel good, Girls have to feel good to play good." Probably not exact but it does go to the heart of the matter. As adults we should know better, and who knows the psychological damage we might be doing. The negativity might not show up until years later. Coach your kids in a positive manner, challenge them to do their best and try their hardest but recognize these are memories being built. Put your ego aside, teach and encourage, and find time to laugh with your daughter before, during and after the game.

 

[tghorley]

I was at a MS game yesterday and there was one opposing team parent that constantly berated and gave his DD (wrong) instructions the whole game. The young lady was obviously not a TB player but she was trying her best. But he was taking all the fun out of it for her. I wanted to go invite him out back to the woodshed.

DGD's TB team does not have any published rules to follow. But all the parents are great and only give encouragement, not only to their DDs, but to all the girls. I cannot remember a negative ever being uttered. If there was a sportsmanship trophy given to the parents at each tournament, I believe these parents would win every time.

 

[chinamigarden]

I coached a LL boys team, my catcher's dad would sit behind the screen and tell him what to do all game. It was highly distracting and the kid never saw signs when he was batting because he was looking at his dad. Dad would actually heckle the kid. Finally I told him to stop, he got very offended and told me he was only trying to help. I explained that if he wanted to help the LL was always looking for volunteers and he was more the welcome to manage a team and at that point he would have carte blanch to "help" all he wanted but in the mean time he had to STFU. After that I found out that he was also heckling other kids, why would parents in the stands let a guy sitting near them heckle a bunch of children. He would especially pick on the kids on his son's team.

 

[Cannonball]

We have all seen it if we have been around travel and/or high school ball. It is such a shame because the majority of parents that I have seen display this rage love their child away from competition and typically are good to be around. I recall one dad on a team that I assisted with. I had that conversation with him. I asked him what he thought he was gaining. How did that help his daughter. In short, I thought we had pretty good respect for each other. That was the last game that they played with us. His daughter and mine were pitchers and his view was that I was able to "motivate" my daugher becuase I was a coach and I was trying to stop him from motivating his. He has the stupid idea that our dds were competing against each other. They bounced around from team to team and so they gained this terrible reputation. Then, they were referred to as "dial a player" when they could no longer stick with any one team. If you needed a pitcher, they were available. I think it special when a team of 12 or 13 girls can be formed where this situation does not exist. My dd was fortunate to play on one of those teams for a few years and it was such a great experience for both her and us as parents.

 

[rdbass]

One great thing that hopefully will come out of this post will or should be. If you are one of these "bad example" parents please stop. If you were thinking of being one of these "bad parents" don't. If anything is to come out of a parents mouth it should only be positive comments. If it is to be a negative comment please keep it in your mouth. Remember your children only want to please you. They are doing the best they can do. Good or bad. Love them.

 

[left turn]

I talked to the coach and explained what I observed. She was aware of some of what was happening. The coach is a relatively young ex player and had been trying to address it by working directly with the daughter but being supportive and encouraging. She didn't understand the how much the DD has been impacted. I believe she will talk to the dad very soon. I give her kudos for addressing this politely and respectfully but head-on.

The dad isn't a bad guy, but her doesn't understand how he is impacting his DD. It is interesting to think that if he read my description in the original post, I don't think he would have the perspective to recognize himself in the words. When it dawns on him, I believe he will be very upset with himself

 

[inde53546]

I saw a previous thread that I thought was very good about daddy issues. The original poster suggested video taping this behavior and emailing it to the parent?