End of season parent complaints!

[SoftSocDad]

This isn't the analogy that fits my approach. Of course I'm going to respect and take care of pickup players. But I don't view them the same as I would guests in my home. If you're a guest in my home, I'm concerned with your comfort first, and my family and I are expected to take care of ourselves. With my softball team, pickup players are not more or less important than my own players. They don't get to play whatever position they want. My players don't want those kinds of guests, and I don't blame them.

That said, you and I probably treat pickup players the same. I just wouldn't use 'house guest' as the comparison.

And, I also don't get the 'double-edged' sword analogy used by other posters about pickup players, either. Yes, you have to balance the needs of pickup player and regular player, but it ain't that hard, IMO. You talk to the pickup player/family and say this is the role that I have available for the tournament. Are you interested? It's as simple as that. It becomes a sword only when the coach fails to communicate the expectations to both sides ahead of time, IMO.

In other words, Mary & Joseph would've found no room at your inn unless they agreed to do chores in the morning before joining everyone else for breakfast.

Surely a fair offer, but they probably would have continued on to Starsnuffer's and stayed the night there instead.

 

[Goobie]

My daughter loves being a pick up player. She always has. For her it is the chance to participate in a number of additional games each year, meet some new players, and have fun. She is 16U, a starting pitcher, has a great bat, and plays 1B/OF... so she is very flexible for a team. One other thing she has is a clear understanding of her role as a pick up player.

I give her full credit for this. Her attitude is that she is an "insurance" policy for the team going to Nationals or wherever. The original players on the team got them there and so they deserve the playtime. She may get to play in some of the pool play games or even bracket games that get out of hand. She in no way expects (or wants) to come in and change the overall feeling of the team. If it is a long, hot losers bracket run, she may get some more play time. If however she goes to Nationals and get ZERO playtime, she is OK with that. She rarely sits on her own team and to be honest actually enjoys participating on pick up teams without all the pressure. As she says it, it is her chance to have fun!

She was on a younger team that picked up two players for a tournament one year when two players had another commitment. The pick up player's "parents" insisted to the coach that they would only go if they didn't sit. So, they went and never sat and the team just stunk it up. DD said it didn't feel like the players were a guest on her team... the original players felt like they were a guest on the pickup players' team. The "feeling" of the team was broken and it showed. NOBODY had fun and the team performed horribly.

DD decided then and there never to be like that and if she was ever picked up by a team to try to blend in as seamlessly as possible and do what she could to ensure the team's original players enjoyed their experience. I guess it helps that I as her parent support her in this and don't make it about my DD.

This year she had four calls from teams looking for pick up players for Nationals. Some of them were looking to add hired guns for a championship run. They said she would play a lot and even pitch in bracket play. DD chose the team that said they needed an 11th player and 3rd pitcher "just in case" someone got hurt or they got in the losers bracket early and didn't have the pitchers for the back-to-back-to-back games in the heat.

btw before you ask.. yes there is an expense to us for this. Usually meals, hotels, gas, t-shirts, and LOTS of trips to the concession stand (and that is just MY part of it). However when you enjoy something as much as she and I do it is worth every penny... Even if all you get out of it is the chance to throw on a new uniform and cheer on as part of the team.

 

[CoogansBluff]

In other words, Mary & Joseph would've found no room at your inn unless they agreed to do chores in the morning before joining everyone else for breakfast.

Surely a fair offer, but they probably would have continued on to Starsnuffer's and stayed the night there instead.

Here is what I said: ''If you're a guest in my home, I'm concerned with your comfort first.''

What objection could you, Mary or Joseph have with that?

In other words, I'd let a guest sit anywhere in my house. I wouldn't let a pickup player play or bat any position she wants. I'd refer her to Starsnuffer's team. With one exception. I would let the Virgin Mary play whatever position she wanted.

My guess is that Starsnuffer and I treat pickup players equally well. I was just taking issue to the analogy itself. I wasn't saying to push pickup players aside.

 

[BrianMonk]

You have to realize there are rec ballers and travel ballers here. There’s a difference and nano is a rec baller. Those teams are managed differently.

I coach rec and love it. Warts with a few parents and all but it’s still a lot of fun. One of my daughters plays on a travel team and there are warts there as well, just a little different. There’s no way I’d want my daughter’s team to be managed the way I manage the rec. team. She would find another team if there were the case.

But I can say on both teams, there is no such thing as any player owning a position. While pitching is obviously important, I consider all positions equally important. Infield is NOT more important that outfield. You have an error in the infield and it’s usually a single. An error in the outfield and you’re giving up, many times, two or more bases. An outfield error can be a killer. If a player/parent doesn’t like this, they can find another team.

As I told a parent for our end of year tournament, your daughter earns playing time, but what position they play depends on who we have available to play and who we are playing. Then as coaches we decided who will play what position that will give us the best opportunity to win while still trying to manage playing time for all players. That is not a parent decision, it’s a coaches decision.

It hasn’t been clarified (at least that I can find) exactly what rules you were playing but even in our end of year rec. tournament I have to play straight NFHS rules. So, it’s not open substitution and bat the roster. I use the DP/Flex but still have regular substitutes to get into the game. Someone (or two) has to sit part of every game and they are tied to another player that then has to sit. I don’t have a choice, them the rules.

As has been noted by others, guest players need to be treated well. If that means a core player has to sit an extra inning or two or doesn’t get to play “her” position (which to me doesn’t mean squat), get over it. If they want to be disgruntled with anyone, be disgruntled with the missing players.

 

[02Crush]

AMEN! I could not agree more. A parent has a ton more time with their DD than I do as a coach. I get them for 4-6 hours per week of practice. After that I have not control of what is said about the team or me as a coach. I know for a fact WAY TO MANY PARENTS feel they know more than I do. Am I perfect? NO. Do I know it all? NO. AM I the one putting my but on the field with a plan of attack, short term, mid range and long term goals for the players themselves and the team as a whole and trying to teach a team? YES!!!! Therefore it is a common courtesy to sit back and watch, observe and be supportive as opposed to hurling mean spirited comments towards the coaches or being the source of unnecessary drama.

The Players spend much more of their Life with their Parents and get their cues from you a lot more than any coach. Sure coaches need to be the good example however this is ever more critical for the Mom or Dad. What are we teaching our children (indirectly) when we complain in the car on the way home all the time. What are we teaching them in life if all we do is whine about a situation? When they grow up and move out on their own and life becomes tough (and it will be) we will have only taught them to whine and freeze and do little to work through a situation. We will have told them that when Marriage or Work is not giving them what THEY want they should bail on it for a better choice in the short term. Ponder these examples I lay out in real life for a moment? This is what I coach for. Yes it is about life not just a sport. But every coach needs more parents to be there in support of the team, not a sports agent for their DD. This is amateur sport for goodness sake and we should not loose sight of this as parents or as coaches.

In the end it is a free world and Coaches and Parents may do as they wish. I just wish so many Parents would stop saying "it was my DD's decision and SHE was unhappy." Really?.... Really?....If you feel a coach is doing something that goes against your core beliefs personally, core philosophies of the sport or money you are paying to have your kid be a better player for the themselves and the teams sake (i.e. Hitting, Fielding, Pitching lessons) then speak with the coach and invite them to a lesson to see what is being taught. Allow them into the inner circle of your life to LEARN what is unique to you DD. These are legitimate concerns and Legitimate ways to handle them. All the other stuff is about feelings. I feel my DD should play more, I feel my DD is better than, I feel my DD does not to be at practices as often, I feel my DD should hit in a different place in the lineup, etc..And this is the stuff that does little service to anyone.

I only jumped on this soap box b/c I just returned from watching a friend do a mini camp (3 day event) and ran into one of the players whose Mom made every excuse to blame me for things she "felt". When I saw the player she immediately ran over to give me a hug and smiled a very big in a way to melt anyone's heart. She is trying out every where courtesy of her mom. No one is taking her on as a player and soon most all teams will have locked their rosters. Is she a great player? No. Does she care and Love the sport? YES. Is she a GREAT person? YES. Can she get better over time with a coach and parent duo that is patient and communicates...YES. But notice...It takes two to make this possible for her. NOT Just the coach.
M2C

Being a parent myself I don't understand what other parents hope to accomplish by undermining the coach? Maybe someone can explain it to me.

My DD essentially became a pitching specialist this season. What do I mean by that? Well, she pitched her games, sat on the bench for the most part in the other games, and was the flex player when she pitched so she didn't get to bat.

Was I supposed to complain or have a fit over it? I didn't see the point. She was one of the worst hitters on the team and her fielding outside the pitching mound is suspect. I was still proud of her cause she worked hard all year, she didn't cry to the coach about playing time or pitching time, and when her number was called she did what she was supposed to do to the best of her ability. Isn't that what teams sports is supposed to be?

I can't say that all the other parents saw it my way. Was I supposed to change and be like the majority? Or should I have just done what I did and accepted my daughters fate and told her (like I did) that we need to work even harder if we want more playing time?

I guess I can understand if someone thinks something isn't fair that they would complain. But, I've yet to see any situation in life that was fair. So, getting all angry about it doesn't seem like a productive use of time to me. Generally you did something to agree to be on that team. If it's travel you tried out. If it's club you tried out for many teams and picked the team you wanted. You made the selection. If it doesn't work out during the year you made the mistake. So, you brush yourself off make the best of it and move on to next season and learn from it.

 

[02Crush]

BTW I now have team rules that include many of these lessons I have encountered in TB this past year as a new coach there. Not new to Softball. Just to Travel Ball as opposed to Recreational Ball.

Oh and I do not feel I am always right. Just wish people would act more mature no matter if you are a coach or parent.

 

[PGSAKen]

1. Id talk to the parent and use the stats as you did. Sometimes being a good listener works.

2. Id sit this parent down and let them know the consequences of said actions. A second offense is a child and parent being cut.

3. Parent and child cut for breaking code of conduct. Done deal. Next

4. Haters will hate.....

 

[02Crush]

1. Id talk to the parent and use the stats as you did. Sometimes being a good listener works.

2. Id sit this parent down and let them know the consequences of said actions. A second offense is a child and parent being cut.

3. Parent and child cut for breaking code of conduct. Done deal. Next

4. Haters will hate.....

This is how the team has slowly moved to being managed. Sadly true. I have yet to have an issue be player related. At 10U I just cannot find a situation where a parent was not a heavy influence on things. I am instituting parent meetings where we review performance and now they can help off/away from the field. It will also open the door to check the pulse or a parent as well as address issues away from the team and the field.

 

[Ken Krause]

Everybody, let's dial down the personal stuff and stay with the issues. If you want to offer your opinion about something, fine, but remember at the end of the day it's just your opinion. Our purpose here is to exchange ideas. You may not agree with what's being said, but respect the rights of others to differ from what you say.

Keep it civil or we're shutting this thread down.

 

[PGSAKen]

I manage my teams like I manage my businesses. I offer a service which comes at a fair market price with rules and expectations attached.

In the end the greatest lessons I learned is if I communicate the expectations clearly and am consistent plus be a good listener I find minimal issues. The parents like the expectations and rules I find. They also like to enjoy the game without a parent causing drama. if I dont fix or eliminate the parent causing the problem Ill lose other parents who dont want to listen to the problem.

I am up front in tryouts. If you dont like my way of coaching or its not a fit then Im never offended when you dont stay. I am trying out parents as much or more than kids. I can teach kids.....I cant teach parents Ive learned.