Desperately need some advice!!!!!

[Eric F]

Based on what you've said, it sounds like you are approaching things the right way (IMO). I wish you and your DSD the best of luck moving forward. I hope you can ALL find a way to make things work so she can get back to enjoying the game.

On a side note, I wish my wife had more of your attitude towards my DD's bio-mom. It would make a LOT of things easier. That's a story for another place and time...

 

[ssbtbs15]

To Joemc Im all for stepping out and finding another hobby to deal with however its not going to change the fact that my dsd is losing her desire to play the game that she loves so much.

 

[PGSAKen]

Buy two copies of the ProActive Coaching Booklets on Parenting an Athlete and Confidence (Parent).

You do yours.

he does his.

She improves when everyone leaves her alone.

Its no coincidence she improved when she was left to the coaches and the team

 

[ssbtbs15]

Thanks Ken I have read a ton of books on sports psychology along with a thousand of articles. Tried to have him read it but he is set on his ways. Also she improved when I started working on her and I never would criticize her during her games. Also I am one of the coaches on the team. Also in his eyes every coach is only as good as their last W. Thank You

 

[Eric F]

With that attitude, Juan Uribe of the Dodgers going 4-for-4 with 3 home runs a few nights ago was a mediocre performance because he only got a single in his last AB. Those are the kinds of people that will NEVER be happy with what you do for them.

 

[Sparky Guy]

There are always two sides to every story. You have to remember, you are the stepfather, not her real father. You coaching just might have been the wrong thing to do. Helping her at your house practicing is great and taking her to lessons and stuff, when her father is working is great too. When the shoe is on the other foot it sometimes is hard to understand.

Nano I think you missed that one by a mile. From what I got it sounds like he is acting more like a REAL father to his DSD. He sounds like he knows where the line is while trying not to cross it.

Have a dad who lives across the street from me who sounds almost exactly like this girl's father. The oldest son will have nothing to do with him and the youngest son quit working with him as well. Right before MS tryouts the younger son asked my DD to work with him. She did and he made the team.

 

[MandM]

To Joemc Im all for stepping out and finding another hobby to deal with however its not going to change the fact that my dsd is losing her desire to play the game that she loves so much.

I am sorry that your DSD is faced with such a tough situation, sadly the behavior that you describe by an overly invested parent is not isolated- nor is overly critical behavior such as you describe confined to a parent- it can pop up in coaches as well and it is particularly toxic to girls I think.

I don't have great advice here, but the bottom line is how can your DSD get to enjoy her sport particularly since it appears that she had invested time and energy to improve. You may not like my suggestion, but it is unlikely that he will change in the immediate future, and I do not see that it will be possible to police the stands to keep him away. All you can do is manage what is immediately within your control- your own behavior.

Perhaps your DW can approach her ex- with a general comment that she has observed DSD stressing about "dads" at games- not him in particular but both of you, because she is trying hard to please rather than just play for fun. As a thought, she suggests that neither of you attend, which would mean that your coaching is confined to helping at practice. Your dsd will have your support in the off time, and perhaps, you can create a ritual with her about her giving you the complete play-by-play when she gets home. Maybe for the time being, this would allow her to get back on track with the sport she enjoys. Sports are REALLY important for girls (I was one once, so I can say!) It helps them make friends, keeps them active, gives them skills, yada, yada,- it is worth finding a solution, even if it is not the best one for you, if it works for dsd that's OK

 

[JJsqueeze]

darn...I clicked on the link again thinking it was part of the post....great scene but it is now the 10th time I've watched it as a result of your post

 

[MandM]

darn...I clicked on the link again thinking it was part of the post....great scene but it is now the 10th time I've watched it as a result of your post

Maybe I should change it to give you something new to look at?? A Princess bride scene?? (he's been mostly dead all day...)

 

[JJsqueeze]

Maybe I should change it to give you something new to look at?? A Princess bride scene?? (he's been mostly dead all day...)

bahahaha....no its a great signature and an awesome scene...I'm just stupid and have a poor short term memory...I better never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line hahahaha....just fell over.