Even though she wanted you to coach, you shouldn't have...at first. Take her to team where the coach's enforce the rules and let them field break the ex. Thenyou don't have to deal with it. When he has been trained, then you can coach. Because of your situation it is impossible for you to be authoritative with him. If you hide game times from him the situation will deteriorate even worse.
Desperately need some advice!!!!!
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I am just wondering if he has visitation. I give props to these step dads that are doing a good job. (Also, step moms.) No one, not grandma, not an uncle or a neighbor should run down a little girl, to the point that she wants to quit.
Another possible approach (from a bio-dad of a DD with a step-dad)...
Have her mother be the direct contact to bio-dad. She has as much right to authority regarding their daughter as he does. A step-parent's assertion of authority over the situation can threaten the bio-dad's ego in a big way. Bio-dad must be made aware that his behavior ruins his daughter's ability to participate in a sport that she loves. I suggest that mom lays down the ground rules for bio-dad's participation with their daughter's softball (sit in the stands and stay positive, etc.). If he still won't comply, he is no longer welcome to come to her games. Step-dad needs to support mom, of course, but not be the primary line of communication on this issue.
Have her mother be the direct contact to bio-dad. She has as much right to authority regarding their daughter as he does. A step-parent's assertion of authority over the situation can threaten the bio-dad's ego in a big way. Bio-dad must be made aware that his behavior ruins his daughter's ability to participate in a sport that she loves. I suggest that mom lays down the ground rules for bio-dad's participation with their daughter's softball (sit in the stands and stay positive, etc.). If he still won't comply, he is no longer welcome to come to her games. Step-dad needs to support mom, of course, but not be the primary line of communication on this issue.
- Jan 25, 2011
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I agree, both parents have to stay positive, but none of us know the other side of the story, could be true or not, but it is all that we have to go with. The only thing that I seen in your post that kind of ticks me off is the whole bio-dads ego part. I didn't know a ego would be a problem. The step parent has no, I mean no right to come in between the bio-parent and a child, none what so ever. Only in cases where the bio-parent is abbsent or nearly absent and does give a hoot or the other things that I won't mention.
- Jan 25, 2011
- 2,280
- 38
I'm going to bow out of this thread because it is something that I'm very possinate about is fathers rights. I can remember when I went thru the family court system. I was treated like criminal, looked down upon by the system. I was the one that was home with my dd, playing, feeding, and getting her into bed for the night, when my ex. was out doing what ever. I brought our dd to the hearing that day, because she was with me at home. The hearing started and all the judge wanted to know is what the mother wanted.
So sorry, Nano. My grandmother completely abandoned my mother. Mother was 4 yo. So, I do know that there are strange parents on either side of the coin.
I think we're on the same page, nano. Maybe "ego" was the wrong word to use. A step-parent over-stepping the line can trigger a bad reaction by the bio-parent that ends up hurting the child, especially of the bio-parent already has control issues. This may or may not be an issue in this case. As you've mentioned, we obviously don't know the bio-dad side of the story or the history of the bio-parents.
My first thought is that at your DSD's age, she has to learn how to apporach her dad without it becoming a huge fight. If it is really effecting her on the field, she has a right to address him about it. If the issue is your's because you think he is effecting her play, it is another ballgame altogether. I also have step kids, who I love like they were my own. My step son played baseball. He would ask me to help him with batting or throwing. I was glad to do it. His father would tell him a different way to do things when he was with him. As soon as I caught wind of it, I immediately told my wife and step son that he should listen to his father. I was not going to have any part of that drama fall on me. There are hundreds of other things that we can find to share. If his Dad wants to help him, right or wrong, I backed off. Long story short, maybe you can find another hobby to share with step daughter. It would be easier for all involved.
I thank all of you for your advice.. I am also a step son and always tried to put myself in the other side of the fence situation. I always take the back seat when it comes to any kind of discipline with my dsd. I also always never got involved in any of the bickering between my wife and him when it came to my dsd. I always would just bite my tongue and open my ear and just listen. Also I always kept an open door policy with him so that my dsd and him could have extra time with him. In the beginning there were issues becasue he had problems, because of these problems he had very limited visitation rights with my dsd. I also went out of my way to change that in his favor. My bottom line is that its not about my wife, him or myself not getting along. My motto has always been its about him being around and being involved in his daughters life. Things changed for the better and like I said I told him he was always welcomed to come see his daughter anytime and even went out of my way to have him over for dinner and functions. We always had a good relationship and even hung out at times. People said I was crazy for this but like I said I was always looking out for my dsd best interest and not my own. There were also a few times where he might have overstepped his boundaries with me and I would always confront him with dignity and respect. When it came to parenting I have always been a backround quiet third wheel and would stay out of it and let my wife and him handle the situations. I only voiced my opinion when I was asked and only when I was asked from the both of them. In response to Nano I by no means am trying to undermind him as a parent and always included him on everything when it came to working with her with her softball skills. He always complimented me and praised me for my approach on raising his daughter. I also never underminded him when he would work with her on her softball skills. Instead we would go over ideas with each other and always work together.
In response to JJ yes my dsd could always use a kick in the tail sometimes and he would do that but like I said I have been around the coaching scene for quite sometime now and he would always take it to the very extreme. Like I said I kept my mouth shut and always had his back and would explain to my dsd that daddy is only wants the best for you and tried to make her unserstand that as tough as that was.
Nano always tried to look at it from the other side of the fence and by no means is my wife an angel but she does a great job raising both my daughters. As far as the coaching her team like I said I discussed it with him and only was going to say yes if I he had given me his blessing and that is what he exactly did.
To all like I mentioned I always had his back but for the first time ever we have noticed a change in dsd's behavior and for the first time ever she mentioned to us that she was not having fun anymore even after a win. I always treated her like she was my dd and not just my dsd so when I see something is wrong with her and she is upset you bet I want to address the issue. However like someone mentioned I let my wife discuss it with him because they are the parents. She told him exactly what our dd told us that she wasnt having fun anymore becasue of him and he flipped on my wife, me and my dd.
In response to JJ yes my dsd could always use a kick in the tail sometimes and he would do that but like I said I have been around the coaching scene for quite sometime now and he would always take it to the very extreme. Like I said I kept my mouth shut and always had his back and would explain to my dsd that daddy is only wants the best for you and tried to make her unserstand that as tough as that was.
Nano always tried to look at it from the other side of the fence and by no means is my wife an angel but she does a great job raising both my daughters. As far as the coaching her team like I said I discussed it with him and only was going to say yes if I he had given me his blessing and that is what he exactly did.
To all like I mentioned I always had his back but for the first time ever we have noticed a change in dsd's behavior and for the first time ever she mentioned to us that she was not having fun anymore even after a win. I always treated her like she was my dd and not just my dsd so when I see something is wrong with her and she is upset you bet I want to address the issue. However like someone mentioned I let my wife discuss it with him because they are the parents. She told him exactly what our dd told us that she wasnt having fun anymore becasue of him and he flipped on my wife, me and my dd.
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